"Happy Halloween, pumpkin face!" my little sister yells, throwing a piece of candy corn at me. "That's today?" "No, tomorrow. I just thought I ought to remind you." I shrug and open the closet. Where are my keys? "You should make a jack-o-lantern," she says. "And why should I do that?" Maybe I left them on the counter. "Because you're the only one that didn't." "Yeah, sure. I need to gouge the flesh out of an innocent vegetable just because everyone else did." "Well, when you put it that way-" Her sentence trails off and she traces the outline of a floor tile with her toe. "Anyway, it's completely pointless. You stab some holes in a pumpkin, put a candle in it, then leave it outside to rot. Whoop-dee-doo." "You sound like Raven from Teen Titans." "Azarath-metreon-zinthos!" I chant Raven's mantra. "Not funny." I shrug again. Would I have accidentally put my keys in the fridge for any reason? "What are you looking for?" "My keys. Seen them anywhere?" "Yeah, they're up your nose." "Ha-ha-bloody-ha." "What? I thought it was funny." Ignoring her, I start looking in the living room. Maybe they're by the computer? "I really think you ought to make a jack-o-lantern," she says, following me. "You're still going on about that?" "Yeah, well you're the one that's always carving stuff." "Wood." "What?" "I carve wood, not stuff." "Whatever. So why don't you make one?" "Why don't you just give up?" "Nobody likes a quitter!" "I like them. Now go away." I chuck a couch cushion at her, then kneel to look under the couch. "Oh, I know where your keys are!" "Really? Where?" "They shrank in the wash!" I growl at her and resume my search. "Please make a jack-o-lantern?" "Look, I'm not stabbing the guts out of some poor pumpkin just for some trick-or-treater to come and smash it!" "We never get any trick-or-treaters here." "Oh, even better. Nobody will even see it." "People driving past will." "No. That's final. I have better things to do than carve a face into a pumpkin!" "Like looking for your keys?" "Can't you go harass someone else?" "You're the only one home." "Go play in the street then." "That's not nice!" She wags a finger at me mockingly. "Hey, I found the remote!" I hold it up for her to see. "Isn't that the one that doesn't work?" "One of them." "What else is under there?" "Dust bunnies, your shoes, somebody's crusty socks, a half-eaten milk dud. No keys though." "Oh! I remember where they are!" I look up at her and raise an eyebrow. "The far-darrig stole them!" I swing my leg out in a break dance move, kicking her in the back of the knees, and she hits the floor with a loud thud. "Ow! Not fair!" "Life's not fair, poppet." I go back to the kitchen to start my search over. "Poppet? Since when do you call me poppet?" "Since now." "It's stupid." "Good. It suits you then." "Hey!" "Look, either shut up or help me find my keys!" "I'll only help you if you promise to make a jack-o-lantern." "Then please spare me the headache and just go away." "Fine, frog face." "Nice alliteration." "What?" "Nothing." "Please?" "No. Now go away!" "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" "Shut up!" "Please? Please? Please?" she chants "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" "Fine! If it'll make you leave me alone, I'll carve one!" "Yay!" she squeals, clapping and jumping around. "It's not that exciting," I mutter and start rummaging through the fridge. I pull out a decent sized potato, then grab a knife from the counter. "I thought you were going to make a jack-o-lantern," says Renny, sounding disappointed. "I am," I snarl. "Which side should be the top?" "Umm, you're supposed to use a pumpkin." "Not necessarily. I think this side would make a nicer top." I cut off what was now the top of the potato, then start cutting out the inside. "Why a potato?" "Well that's what the Irish used when jack-o-lanterns were first created. Maybe a spoon would work better for this." "You're kidding, right?" "No, a spoon would be perfect. It'll work just like a shovel." "No I mean about the potato jack-o-lanterns." "Oh. No, that's for real." "Well why potatoes?" "Because Ireland didn't have pumpkins then." "What-?" "Stop asking so many questions! I'm trying to make your stupid jack-o- lantern!" She climbs up onto the counter to watch as I cut out little eyes with the knife. Amazingly, she manages to stay quiet until I finish carving the face. "What are you going to use for a candle?" she asks, breaking the silence. "A candle, duh." "No, I meant what kind of candle?" "Shut up and wait." I dig through a drawer until I find a birthday candle. The candle is place in the potato and lit. Renny runs to out the lights. "Aww, it's so cute!" she squeals. "I think I'll name it!" "Name the potato?" "Yeah! I'll name him Jack O'Taters." "Great. How incredibly creative. Happy Halloween. Now will you leave me alone?" She sighs. "Alright, slorg brain." No sooner do I get upstairs, than Renny calls after me, "Hey I found your keys!" I run down the stairs, nearly hitting the radiator at the bottom. "Where? I don't see them." "I sold them to the evil clowns!"