I ran down the hall of the school. Middle School class time, so there was
nobody in the halls. Good. Mme. Scime started walking down the hall. I
slowed my pace down to a quick walk. I walked by her, smiled then when she
was out of sight I continued my pace again. It was almost time to start.
Almost time to end.
As every second passed me by I got closer and closer to the doors of the
school. I hadn't done this before, ever. I had never snuck out of school.
But there's a first for everything right? I got close enough that I could
see the dark blue doors just down the main hall. My heart started pumping
faster and I started to feel myself slowing down. I pushed my self to get
faster. My heart skipped a beat and I nearly tripped. I got to the doors.
I was there.
I looked around. No teachers. The school seemed empty, deserted. I could
hear yelling coming from the gym. I pushed the doors open and ran outside.
I ran to the spot that I went all the time, just not during school. I sat
beside my pond. I looked at the tree standing beside me. The tree I had
carved so many goodbye messages into. I carved so many into the bark but
never really said goodbye.
This was going to be the last message.
I grabbed the knife I had brought with me and carved my last message into
the bark. This one was longer than the rest by far. Probably because it was
the real thing. Not some training notes that I write when I think it's my
last day but then I surrender to my feelings, no. This was the last time I
would ever see this tree again. I slowly carved block letters into the
bark. I finished and then read it over outloud:
"Dear everyone that loves me,
I'm sorry it has to be this way, but this is the way I think my path
leads me. Seems like the only way now. Goodbye to Joanne, my darling best
friend that has always been there for me through good and bad. I am always
with you Joanne, always. Goodbye to my mother. The one who I love so
dearly. The one who's been there to understand me whenever I'm in a tough
position. Goodbye to my father. Who was never really there physically but
was always in my heart. To all of you, I will watch over you from heaven
and I will answer your prayers. Please forgive me for what I am about to
do.
Love,
A.J 3"
I read it over a few more times. Finally I hit myself in the face and told
myself to stop stalling. As that was what I was doing. I grabbed my knife
in my hands and looked around to be certain that no one was there. Nobody
near me. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I dropped my knife on the ground,
dropped myself to my knees and let the tears flow. About 8 minutes later I
got back up on my feet, grabbed my knife once more and stared at it for a
minute. Something took me over at this point. At first I just jabbed my
knife into the trees around me, just to get the feel of whipping the knife
at something. Soon after, I finally got to my point. I put my knife in the
air and whipped it down at my arm. I bit my lip at the feel of the pain,
but then I started laughing. I couldn't feel the pain. I watched the
crimson run down my arm and hand.
Perfect.
I started cutting everywhere. Some places I wrote "M-O-M", and some other
places I wrote "D-A-D" or "J-O". The three people that meant a lot to me.
But wait! There was also someone else. I took the last bit of strength in
me to write one more name. On my thigh, I wrote in big bloody letters: "I-M-
K-E"
I love you like my sister, even more.
I slit my throat last and smiled at the pain. My bloody body lay there, by
my pond. The pond that I still remember to this very day. I let out one
last weak giggle and passed out.
Goodbye.
A/N: Please, be VERY critical with this one-shot. This just came into my
head this morning and I need to know what can be improved. Don't worry
about "hurting" my feelings or whatever. Please, be as critical as
possible. Thanks!
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