“Is anyone there?” The floor creaked, maybe not tonight, maybe. A reprieve is all I ask for.

The shadow falls across my door again, tonight, just like every other. My prayer dies in my mind. No miracle tonight. It never ends, the evil in my life.

I hear the sounds, his voice, I feel his touch, inside my pajamas but I am already gone, to that place only I can retreat to. It hurts usually, but sometimes not. I don’t know how he does it, to make me enjoy and want something so completely wrong. I could fight, but I never do. I could call out, and it would all end. Still, I don’t. I stay quiet and still, not fighting, retreating into my mind. I’m almost used to all this. Its so similar all of it. I’m surprised he came tonight; he did this earlier today, several times. I don’t know how he does it. As closely as my grandparents watch us, somehow he finds time to hurt me.

He doesn’t have anything tonight, usually he has something to put inside me. I hate the drumsticks, they hurt the worst. I wonder what his future wives would think if she knew about all this, who he practiced all his skills on. He keeps trying to make me give him a blow job. I didn’t know what one was till he explained it to me. Sick. I’ve been able to resist so far, but jeez, I don’t know. One of these days, or nights, whenever he can find the time, I’m sure he’s going to rape me and just get it over with. I almost wish he would. It hurts a lot every time he tries, but he hasn’t managed yet, I squirm to much. He says I’m too small. Thank god. But if he does, I’m afraid I’m going to get pregnant. What then? Last month I was two weeks late, and it was all I could think about. I found a book at the library at school and scanned it really fast. It said miscarriages were sometimes caused by a sharp blow to the stomach. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing what I was reading, too many questions. That after noon when I got home, I “accidentally” fell down the stairs. Then my period finally came, god I was so relived. I don’t know what I would do if I was. A baby sired by my bother? Jeez, that would be hard to explain.

Now he’s asking me if I like what he’s doing. In my mind I’m screaming no, no, but I nod yes. If I don’t, what then? He would hurt me, I know. He has a lot of pride. He brought one of his condoms tonight. I know what that means. He cuts them out of gloves. He cant buy them cause granny cleans our rooms pretty thoroughly. She would freak if she found them. In fact, he’d better be a bit quieter now, I have to be able to tell him when granny gets out of the shower, so he can go back to his room.

Jesus, this hurts. He’s got me on top, and he’s pressing down, trying to get inside. If it hurts this much every time, and he hasn’t even went all the way yet, god, sex must really hurt. Its all I can do to keep from screaming, even though I’m biting my tongue. He gave up. I’m burning down there, and he’s touching me again. Its going to hurt all day tomorrow, hard as he touching me. No, he’s not touching. He slamming his fingers into me, and it hurts. I hear the shower turn off, and he gone for now. Till tomorrow night I guess. I cover up and pretend like I’m asleep, when Granny comes in to check on me. She has no clue what was going on not even a minute earlier. She leaves, and I roll over and stare at the ceiling. I wont sleep anymore tonight. I cant stop thinking about him, what he does, and how screwed up my life is. I’m all alone now. Just me and the memories. Maybe someday… I’ll tell. Make it all end. Someone, please, make the evil end. Help me. Take these night memories away.