The teenage boy shifted uncomfortably in his formal black suit as he gazed into the grass at the far side of the cemetery. The teen had long since stopped listening to the words of the priest performing the ceremony. They were just words anyway.

Finally, flowers slowly dropped onto the casket in front of the small group of mourners, and the boy added his to the pile. The people began to disperse, some, patting the boy’s shoulder comfortingly as they went. The teen stood there a while longer, waiting for the body next to him to go before he left as well. Quiet sobs came from his brother’s body, and the teen suppressed an eye roll. Tired of the situation altogether, he turned and walked across the grass towards the line of cars on the road.

“Jesse,” A voice said quietly from behind him. The boy turned to see the tall, balding priest standing firmly five feet away, staring fixedly at him. The man was thin and gangly, but his eyes were solid, strict, and determined.

Surprised at being called by his first name by the man, whom he had only known for the past week getting ready for the funeral, Jesse hesitated before answering. “Yes, father?”

The holy man walked closer to the boy. Sniffling, sobbing bodies moved past them making their ways to the vehicles. Jesse glanced up at the newest grave to be sure that his brother hadn’t left yet, then concentrated on talking with the priest.

“I noticed your rather detached manner this afternoon during both the ceremony at the funeral home, as well as the one here,” the man began. “I understand that times like these can difficult for a child.”

“I’m not a child.” Jesse replied steadily, his eyes narrowing. He showed no emotion save for annoyance at the man’s words.

“Of course, my apologies.” The man, not unnerved in the least by the boy’s coldness, continued, “It’s just that, you lived with your grandmother for ten years. That is a long time, Jesse. Surely there must be something bothering you for you to act this way.”

“No, sir,” was all Jesse could spit out. He had many other things planned to say to the man, but he decided that they would only lead to more annoying questions.

The priest looked hard at the teen for a long moment. Jesse knew he was searching for something, some weakness. He also knew that he wouldn’t find any. Minutes passed, and Jesse glanced up once again to be sure his ride didn’t leave.

“Did you love your grandmother, Jesse?” The man asked suddenly. Jesse’s eyes shot back to his.

“Of course,” Jesse replied, though not as loudly as he had wanted. He couldn’t help but look slightly offended at the question.

“Then why the coldness? Why the disregard for her family and friends,” he waved a hand around at the people who were gathered around the cars in the road talking quietly. Jesse had ignored them all during the long week, “and why the disinterest in her funeral? This is your final time to say goodbye to her, Jesse. You’ll get no other chance.”

Jesse frowned and lowered his head, still keeping his eyes on the priest. With raw deft ability, the teen covered the strong twinge of anger pricking his gut with an impatient glare and directed the look harshly at the priest. “I don’t need a seven thousand dollar funeral just to say goodbye to my grandmother. She knew she was dying, and she told me. I said all my good-byes long before today, while she could still hear them.” His teeth ground together for a moment, the emotions getting dangerously close to the surface. The brunette teen willed his jaw to relax, but, to his shock, it only allowed the words floating through his thoughts to shoot out faster and louder. “Don’t expect me to come into a building I’ve never been in, look at the newly fucked-up body of a person that I loved, go bury that body and then sit in the grass weeping like my brother over there! Because I was with her when she died and I know it’s over!” It felt so sickeningly good to yell at the holy man; it was pain and pure emotion charged up on his tongue and finally being thrust through his lips for the first time. He half-laughed and spoke louder. “I don’t need all this! This is just show for the relatives who live out of town! This is just for the sake of your income! It’s just to dispose the body so that we don’t all look like sick fucks!”

At his final curse, Jesse’s arms flew up in anger and he walked a quick circle in the grass before returning to face the man. “Is there anything else, father?” He asked, feeling relieved, and at least sounding slightly calmer than before.

To Jesse’s surprise, the holy man looked rather pleased with his outburst. “I understand, Jesse. That’s fine. You’ll find your own way to mourn.” He took in the teen’s completely lost look and chuckled slightly. Reverting back to business, the priest asked, “Where are you going to live, Jesse?”

When the final drops of his anger dissolved with the man’s words, the teen was left feeling empty and tired. “With my brother.” He motioned back up to the grave where a tall young man was one of the three people still standing over the site. “He lives in Fremont.” The priest just smiled. “Excuse me.” Feeling sick and depleted, Jesse finally moved away from the man, not caring anymore about keeping up appearances.

The teen made his way back up the hill, intending to tell his brother off for taking so long. But at the man’s side, the boy stood quietly, his eyes fixed on a patch of dirt in front of him. He waited for his brother’s quiet tears to stop.

---

“Look, take as long as you need, Jesse. We can’t come back after this.” The man watched his little brother nod and turned around in the driveway. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Jesse looked back at the tall well-built young man with cold, calculated eyes. No single emotion hit his face as he spoke. “I’ll just be a moment. Stay here, Adam,” he answered, and walked calmly up the long sidewalk to the small lake house that he had called home for so many years.

Adam smiled sadly and rested back against his car in the driveway.

The inside of the house smelled slightly stale: no one had been inside since the paramedics took its elderly owner to the hospital six days ago. The rooms were small, but well furnished and very clean. Photographs lined every wall; some were black and white, dating back nearly seventy years; others were more recent. All of the newest pictures were set carefully inside a large, oak cabinet in the kitchen. Jesse leaned over slightly, his eyes still, and studied one that had been taken only six years before.

It was the day his brother turned eighteen, he remembered. Adam was dressed in khaki pants and a clean white button-up shirt. There were countless teenagers, each grinning and pointing at him in the background, but the center of the picture consisted of Adam laughing, insanely happy, standing next to a nine-year-old Jesse and their grandmother. The old woman stood, tall and healthy, with her arms protectively wrapped around Jesse’s shoulders from behind. They were each grinning like they’d been laughing all night. It looked too perfect, Jesse decided. Everyone was together, everyone was happy. It was perfect. The three of them had made a great team. Even after Adam moved away for college, he came back often to visit and have dinner. Jesse had missed his brother, but life had been warm and happy. Nothing bad could happen because the three of them were always connected.

When Jesse realized that he’d been lost in the past, the real world came crashing down on him. The boy’s chest tighten, squeezing his heart painfully against his ribs. Breathing quickened, and without thinking, he reached out and ran his trembling fingers over the faces in the photograph. But it was only paper.

Cursing wildly in his head, Jesse struggled mentally against the memories and pain. He backed away from the picture and stumbled, shaking, out the back door to face the clear blue lake in front of him. The boy continued across the well-kept lawn, stepping on the pink orchids his grandmother had planted the fall before. A sob broke from his lips and, finally losing himself completely, Jesse broke into a run. The wind rushed past him as his feet moved carelessly through the remainder of the grass, the small patch of sand in front of the water, and over the wooden dock that creaked beneath him. The teen didn’t care to stop when he reached the edge of the pier, and savored the feel of the ice-cold water stabbing his entire body as he was engulfed completely by the lake with no intention of ever coming up for air.

Long seconds passed as the teen floated back up to the surface. The burning in his lungs wasn’t nearly enough to block out the pain in his chest; it seemed nothing would help. Images and emotions from the past rushed at him, nipping his flesh, cutting him deeply and letting him bleed. Still, the boy would not allow the tears to leave his eyes. It was difficult: the pain seemed to stick to the sides of his ribs, suffocating him in a way he’d never felt before; a way that made the burning from a lack of oxygen seem pleasant.

Sand scraped along his knees, and Jesse realized that he had floated back to shore. Giving in at last, the teen lifted his head above the surface and gasped for air on his hands and knees. He looked up to see the tall,brother running towards him, just stopping on the edge of the lake. Emotions only barely recognizable over the pain rushed up to share in it as Jesse gazed up at Adam. The teen stood, swaying slightly. The two brothers watched each other, both panting from their excursions. Jesse’s chin length light brown hair stuck to his forehead and neck. Two pairs of large, dark-brown eyes looked stolen, lost, at their surroundings.

They looked at each other then, and suddenly Jesse felt the pain that had welled up in his chest explode into a million shards of glass pricking and tearing apart every inch of his body; the boy cried out and fell back onto his knees in the water. Tears rushed out of his eyes, blinding him, but he felt Adam’s strong arms pull him to his feet and hold him tightly against his brother’s warm chest. Jesse clung to Adam’s shirt, soaking it with lake water and tears; he no longer saw, heard, thought at all, he only felt, and he felt his brother’s warmth softening the pain, making him want to remain there forever.

Adam stood, holding the small teenager in his arms. He rested his chin on the boy’s head and silently thanked God that he was still there for the child. “Shh, everything will be fine, Jesse. I promise. We still have each other,” Adam said soothingly, not sure if Jesse even heard him. “You’re not alone, brother. You’re never alone.”