i don't know
what it is about me
or about the world
or maybe it is just because
i don't know what i want
or that i am allowed
to change my mind
as often as i change my clothes
or as often as my crushes change
but all this confusion
bothers me

you used to be
the anchor that
holds me in place
and in times that
i should drift away
you pull me towards you
with such force
that i am engulf by your arms
still i try to spread my wings
and test how much
the world can take me in
but in times i fall
you are there
to catch me
and hold me
letting me know that
i have a home
in you

but you grew tired
of my constant flying
and playing
and exploring
of the world
you no longer pull me in
and instead
you let me go
acting like
i don't even matter anymore
making me believe
by giving me freedom
you are relieving yourself of me
and of that
i am extremely afraid
of losing you
and losing the only me
i know

i want to tell you now
before all is lost
i just long so desperately
to be held
like you used to
hold me

- 12oct2004