Well, there's an elf walkin' 'round
with his hair oh so white,
And all the human females
dream of him every night.
They talk about his pointy--ears--
and his taught, firm--arms--
Am I the only woman
that can resist that elf's charms?

Yeah, he's blonde, and an archer,
He can walk on the snow,
He's an elf and immortal,
And his iv'ry skin glows;
They all love his cute little ass,
But I've had enough of Legolas!

He went with the Fellowship
to lend to them a bow,
And in their many battles,
he laid the orcs low.
With a bottle of bleach
and some contacts of blue,
He's stolen all the hearts
from here to the Sea of Rhû-

-n'Yeah, he's blonde, and an archer,
He can walk on the snow,
He's an elf and immortal,
And his iv'ry skin glows;
They all love his cute little ass,
But I've had enough of Legolas!

They say he's so handsome,
and they want in his pants,
That blonde and graceful elf,
and they drool as he nace-
As he watches towards Sauron's
shadowy lair,
And they've got me so annoyed
that I'm tearing out my hair!

Yeah, he's blonde, and an archer,
He can walk on the snow,
He's an elf and immortal,
And his iv'ry skin glows;
They all love his cute little ass,
But I've had enough of Legolas!

Well, I'm afraid I don't agree--
no, I don't find him hot.
They tell me he's so sexy,
but I persist that he is not.
I'm sure it's sacreligious,
but I'll just forget you all.
You can take the whimpy elf--
I'll give the balrog a call!

Yeah, he's blonde, and an archer,
He can walk on the snow,
He's an elf and immortal,
And his iv'ry skin glows;
They all love his cute little ass,
But I've had enough of Legolas!