Over these past few weeks, I’ve had several not-so-very-profound profound revelations. The first one is that I’m an utter disgrace to virtually everything that embodies maleness. The second is that once again, I’m turning (back) into a hopeless romantic. The third is that my unpopular semi-autobiographical story now has an ending. Finally, the fourth is (slightly exaggerated) that the only thing that actually distinguishes me as a male is the simple fact of a penis (and the fact that I like girls.) An explanation for these? Simple.

1. Disgrace to the male gender-

At the beginning of last week, I found myself in a situation most guys wouldn’t dare to even dream about. I had six friends-with-benefits (think ‘girlfriends without commitment’.) One was a lesbian. Another was Mormon. Two of them were ex-girlfriends, one had never done anything with a guy before, and another was a stoner chick. Instead of keeping on doing what most guys would do, I instead asked one of them out and dumped all the rest. When I told other males of this, they just shook their heads and called me, among other things, a “stupid-ass dumb fucking idiot.”

2. Hopeless romantic-

I thought I had kicked the habit. I was wrong. I spent time with my girlfriend just being together in silence watching the sky. I burned a CD with 18 songs that made me think of her or us. I invited her over to my house, and I cooked dinner for her. We even sat outside and watched the stars. If I’m not careful, we’ll end up walking on a beach in Santa Cruz at midnight.

3. An end to the story-

Of course, what with my actually having that many girls at once, I had to write it down somewhere. So, I ended up writing a story told in third-person about my month or so. However, I was puzzled as to an ending. And then, amazingly, I asked one out and suddenly had a good ending for the story.

4. Distinct lack of connection to the males in the world-

I at first realized this in sophomore year when a friendly store clerk asked me, “Is there anything I can help you with, Miss?” I turned around and stared at him for a few seconds, then simply stated, “No. You can’t.”

However, as time has gone by, it hasn’t gotten any better. In the modeling school that I went to, the first teacher’s commentary of me had three words. Liberal (true.)Feminine (That’s a compliment, right…?). Metrosexual (OMGWTFDTM!!!). Just because I actually know something about how to not dress like a fucking idiot; (i.e. color-coordinating, accessorizing, what colors go with my skin type, my exact measurements) actually put effort into how I look; (clean fingernails, washed hair, clean ears, moisturized skin, and even knowledge of how to apply makeup) and other such things does not mean that I’m metro.

Speaking of that. So far this year, I have been asked fifty times if I’m gay. One girl even asked my fucking ex-girlfriend! Not that it was obvious when I say “My ass is exit only…”

Anyways, back to the subject. Males tend to talk about a) sex; b) cars; c) paintball; d) games; e) sports. I find A to be exceedingly boring (I can just sit back and have it be over with, sorta like females); B to be pointless; C to be a waste of money; D to be interesting but the males to be too n00bish; and E to be only mildly interesting.
Whereas with females, I can actually have some good conversations that actually have emotion, meaning, depth. Of course, there still is sex, but I’m a teenager, so it’s understandable. (Yes, I’m not even legally an adult or out of high school, but hey, what do you expect? Lili and I not only knew each other, but went to the same school, just fyi.)

Amazingly enough, a friend of mine said “You actually speak girl.” Another said “You’d be a good female.” And so far, nobody has told me anything about over-masculinity.

Oh well. At least I’m in touch with my female side.