AND I KEEP COMING BACK

By now

It feels as though

I have nothing more to spill

Everything has been sucked away

By the men I have entertained in the stillness

Of my heart and the solitude

Of my bedroom

Each blow they deliver is dizzying

Each kiss killed me again

And again

And again

Because I cannot stand anymore

Crippled by the memories

I seek more, and throw it away

I want it and I fear it

The boys I let near me, one destroyed me

When I didn’t know who I was

And now the fear clutches my soul

And each kiss is one of his, flitting away

From the grave

To torment me one last time

No matter how I scream and tear at myself

I am never free

From the kisses I seek, I know I need them

And the touches that burn like cattle brands

For that’s all I was once, livestock to one man

And now,

That’s all I’ll ever be

Always coming home