MY LAST CHRISTMAS

Christmas comes but once a year,

A time of gift-giving, good tidings and cheer.

Just make sure to save all your receipts

Cause everybody returned all their gifts last year.

Christmas trees are full of lights and give off a wonderful scent.

Just make sure the one you bought happens to be flame-retardant.

So much food at other times of the year is rare

So beware of sounds besides joy and laughter filling the air.

Have you ever noticed, after fighting traffic and driving all over town,

The day after Christmas, everything is marked down?

I often wonder at Christmas what it would be like

To be a kid again and unwrap a shiny red bike.

Tearing through boxes of games and toy trucks

And every Christmas card from a relative had a few bucks.

We watched hours of children’s cartoons and Winnie the Pooh,

Now it’s South Park with foul language and Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo.

I remember Santa’s Ho Ho Ho’s, while wrapping with ribbons and bows

Now all the rapping is about pimpin’ and hoes.

I guess the magic of Christmas begins to fade the older you get,

It started for me with little things that I now regret.

Like when I knew peeking at gifts before Christmas was cheatin’

Or the time I realized Reindeer Sausage was mighty good eatin’

As far as Christmas next year, I think I’ll pass.

I really mean it this time, this one’s my last!

A big lump of coal won’t even bring a tear,

Cause while everyone’s planning next Christmas –

I can be bad all next year!