Crying, can you believe it? I’m crying again. I should slap myself silly right now but it wont stop. I can’t run away from it. The sweet calm and peace that was a heaven to me is gone and threw me tumbling back to the ground. I have no idea where my feet are carrying me. The city lights are beginning to dull now and I don’t even know where I am. Yet, still I keep walking without wanting to go back but not wanting to go on either.

The dull sound of my boots hitting the cold cement ground just grows fainter and fainter until I can’t hear it at all. I can feel myself, still urging on involuntarily, however the paradox that has presented itself to me wont go away. How hard I try to just go back and change the past. I’m left with nothing but this bitter wind and myself.

And even though the wind blows change, I can’t help but think what life would be like if she was here. I can’t even think or have any sense. This desperation, I guess you could call it, wont leave my mind and I can’t help but repeat myself. I can’t feel anything; not the wind through my hair or the boots on my feet. All I can think of is how much I miss her. How much I miss that heaven, so warm, so calm. I know beginnings start from ends, but what beginning is starting with an ending like this?