the one who e'erbody despise because he's done drugs

but what once was has unplugged

down the drain into a pit pain and tough sludge

how could you find the time to unwind

when the one you love's crying,

always trying to keep from dying

how can you fight to keep someone alive

when nobody alive can find out why she's dying

how can you look the one you love in the eyes

tell her that her problems drive me out my damn mind

in heinsight i lied, i didn't buy all of her lies

but who can do something

with these claims that she's sufferering

i thought that since i stood by her side

that she would love me

but that's nothing but my job being

the man and she just fucked me

for weeks on end i'd hold her

hold my hope and hold composure

though i know it'd soon be over

cause my whole world's blowing over

so i told her i won't chauffer

all her roads are paved over

money goes like it was no good

all the roads that go before her

won't go nowhere with no motor

she never liked the sound of that

and soon she'd tell me that her heart was bad

and heart attacks were starting at

the moment i would market facts

now i'm not heartless, i quit barking back

but starve a cat he'll arch his back

and so i have this darkened past

it's hard to grasp the harshest acts

frozen in time at the back of mind like priceless artifacts

years keep pace and my pace seems shaken

my brain feels like it's breaking

at the seams between my faces

hate this faking like i'm adam with eve and being naked

like i gotta cover up from what must be up above waiting

this life is irritating,

pride and shame is tasting tasteless

i'm hating those that test my patience

but how's that any better than being a fucking racist

i talk shit of which blocks i've walked in

and drop hints on those that don't walk, but talk shit

but see the truth, today i'm walking

9 to 5 to work in office

not the shit that i grew up in

but it's my past that i get stuck im

i remember lonely nights, a house with no lights

waking up at 5 in the morning teary eyed

i cried a prayer and said goodbye

hoping only if i died

would someone come home to hold me tight

the lord made no reply until i turned my back to hide

that's when i met my girl, and the knife i had to hide

so as i sit back in a new pad

have the women wooed i say to em too bad

alone every night i still crawl up to the mic

spit a line and write until i think my head's right

off to bed, dreaming of death by lead pipe

if you think i'm self destructive, shit you're dead right

don't know where i'm going

don't know what i'm runnin from

it's cold and always snowing

even under summer's sun

i'm self destructive, i'm self destructive