AUTHOR: I was in the mood to write this as my very first writing piece for the New Year. It’s unedited, so anyone out there who is willing to edit it for me, please do. Send the whole edited version through e-mail. I’d really appreciate it. Go r & r if you like. Enjoy yourselves. Flames are not welcome.

WARNING: The Wicked Tongue wrote the whole thing, so it may contain lots of whacky, crazy, perverted and not so true stuff. What? LiquidHeat was taking her beauty sleep. And if many of you, honeykissed-readers, would ask me loads of question, I might just make a chappie 2.

WHAT WOMEN FIND SEXY

Hello,

I’ll be your sex therapist for a few minutes. The following may or may not apply to you. It all depends if you’re androgynous, partially androgynous or not at all.

What in the hell is “androgynous?” Ask sweet-cheeks Webster.

Ah, many have asked and wondered. What are the things that appeal sexually to women, in general? See the emphasis of the words “in general?” Don’t forget that as you read along. So repeat after me, “Women in general, women in general, women in general…”

Let me, for a minute, stray from the topic, and give you a little trivia. Orgasms flood the body with endorphins; it tranquilizes and kills pain. Sex addicts, nymphomaniacs and whatnot, crave peptide phenylethylamin. This can be triggered by danger, fear, infatuation or risk. They have lower natural level of monoamine oxidase. (I feel as though I know what I said. )

I shall now proceed to the issue at hand. In your case, whatever it is you may be holding, which something I would love to know. Just kidding!

In all honesty, there are a lot of things that appeal to women’s sexuality. But we’ll discuss just a few of them. To be more specific, we’ll discuss the physical things that whips up women’s corporeal senses.

Yes, women do have baser instincts and needs. Believe it or not boys and girls, these are a degree more aggressive than of men’s. (Actually, I have no idea if that was true. I just said that so I could get a reaction from you! )

How about those who have necrophilia, you ask? Even I do not know the answers to some questions. And by the way, that’s just sick.

Let’s start from the head. If you’re a pervert-of-the-first-order, you’re probably giggling right now. If you’re not, then it’s okay if you don’t understand. We can’t all be perverts now, can we?

Sugar cookies for all who say we can!

You can have golden, raven, chocolate or any of the rainbow colors of curls, or locks. It won’t matter at all, so long as it’s natural and free of tiny blood sucking parasites. Natural means no or not too much pomade, spray, or moose.

But if those chemicals help get rid of them parasites, I suppose it’s okay.

Many women find they can’t resist themselves from running their hands on wind-blown looking hair. Women have two reasons for that. Either we want to feel the softness and texture, or we want to see if it’ll come off.

Short or long? Well, I’ve always had a hair-fetish. Longhaired guys have always received more than a second glance from me. Methinks they’re down right sexxayy!!!

Hmmm, I forgot we’re talking about women in general. Repeat after me, “Women in general, women in general, women in general…”

I did say we’d start from the head, right? Ladies and gents, size does matter! Gasp! Shock! Applause! Oh la la! Woot! Damn straight it does! Like what many say, “The bigger the better! The more the merrier!” Go figure.

Let me clear up some things. The nose, the tongue, the big toe, the gap between the thumb and forefinger, and the hand are not the measurements. Really…I swear! As far as the survey goes, it’s the feet. Although, I’m quite sure some guys would say it’s not true.

But then again, to see is to believe, right? We’re very curious creatures, so we look. There is something that stirs up inside just by looking at a huge present waiting to be undressed…err…unwrapped.

There is more to tell in this matter, but I was sworn to secrecy.

A smile wide as a mile is charming. An I-have-a-secret-type of smile is the kind that women wish could last forever while simultaneously wanting to wipe it off the face. Natural warm smiles are damn gorgeous.

Blinding smiles, the kind that’s like the sun rising in Japan, are the type that says, “I’m on crack.” But what the hell, right? Smile!

Oh yeah, if the way you walk makes it seem as if you can crack a nut with your butt, that’s sizzling! And if not, then put confidence in your strides. Confidence, as we all know, is a big turn on.

Plus, confident strides have a way of channeling psychic hottieness. It also shows if you’re loaded of savoir fair

But if you decide to swagger instead, make sure you don’t look like a drunken ass.

Talk the talk. Sweet-talking is one of the keys. After all, women love sweets. We wanna lick ‘em, and taste ‘em, and do lots and lots of whatever. Women are suckers for things like that. Having a nefarious tongue that flicks caramel coated words is one of the greatest weapons in one’s sensual arsenal.

If you straight-out say, “Fuck me” to some she, that some she will a) say,” Not interested,” or b) laugh at your face. Either way, you’re not getting any.

If you have a husky, deep or very masculine voice to boot with a wicked tongue, you’re a flamin’ hot fuc—fudge, I mean! With a voice like that, you’d probably be able to seduce the panties off in minutes. Just don’t try it on nuns.

Call me later. Maybe we can fry the phone lines.

When you look so damn good clothed, many women tend to desperately want to see you naked. It’s all because of the searing mystery it provokes. An example would be a perfectly wrapped gift, with a big red bow on top, everyone wants to unwrap and see what’s inside.

Just remember the quote, “Vanity, they name is woman.”

Men in black, indigo, red, pink, tux, coats, suits and whatnot are drop-dead swanky! These stylish attires combine with suave and charisma, are usually on the menu.

If you can make the most of Armani with shades, I’ll show you Victoria’s Secret. Wait! Let’s say it again, “Women in general, women in general, me in gen--dammit!”

Action speaks louder than words. If you’re oozing with savoir-faire, you’ll garner many lusty affairs.

Dahling, if you don’t have the size, it’s okay as long as you know how to work the shebang and all that. When word spreads that you’re a sex-extraordinaire, nothing can stop me, other women and the bitch next door from wanting to have your firstborn.

Believe me, words spread faster than a speeding bullet when women talk.

LAST NOTE: This is LiquidHeat. Just a reminder to you, darling readers, don’t let yourselves be corrupted with that nonsense-of-an-author Wicked Tongue. I'm planning to assassinate her soon....