WARNING: Do NOT read this story if you have issues with death or suicide.

FATE’S CRUEL GAME

"Don’t you even think about getting in that car with that boy, Cassidy!" I heard her dad shout from the front door.

"Dad, this is something I have to do!" she shouted back, rushing toward the front gate to where I was parked. "He needs me!"

With every shudder I made my eyes sent droves of tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold my pain and misery in check; life had finally gotten to the point of being unbearable. I had snapped, and I wanted nothing more to do with living, and I needed her to know. I needed her to know that there was nothing left for me here, and I was leaving this place forever – her included. No matter how much I knew it was going to hurt, I knew it would be far worse for her if she found out later.

My gaze was lowered as I shuddered out more teardrops. I heard the loud clank of the car door beside me slamming as Cassidy dropped into the passenger. She began to ask me what was going on but I ignored her. I gunned the engine and sped back off down the driveway giving her barely any time to pull on her seatbelt. I sniffed and sobbed, feeling her worrying eyes on me as we raced through the night. At this point I didn’t care at all about how worried she was. She was only going to be horrified when she found out what I was planning.

"Alec, slow down," she told me. "Slow the car down and talk to me."

A part of me wanted her to stop me. There was a small part of me that still wanted to live. Wanting to tell her that I was going to kill myself that night was really just a pathetic cover for the true reason, and I knew it. Yet I still insisted on lying. I wanted Cassidy to save me, but no one, not even I could know that.

I let out another loud sob and quickly wiped away the tears on my cheeks with my sleeve. My sleeve was soaked, and served only as an object to place more rain in my eyes.

"I can’t do it anymore, Cass," I blubbered. "I can’t do it."

It seemed so painful just for my heart to beat in my chest. God, my chest was in so much agony. With each beat I cried harder and resisted clutching at the imaginary wounds that were tearing me apart from the inside.

"Do what?"

How could she ask me that? She knew me better than anyone. It was a wonder she hadn’t sensed how much my chest hurt – she had a tendency to know when I was either in trouble or in pain. How could she not know what I meant?

"I can’t live anymore, I can’t exist, I can’t… I just can’t!"

We made it to the end of the incredibly long driveway and swerved around the corner onto the black road. The highway stretched out endlessly before us. It was so far toward no destination, so far, so far. I could’ve sworn we were driving through the mouth of a monstrous creature. The forest around the small road loomed over us like the roof of the mouth, and our destination, whatever it was, was the end. I made no attempt to slow down or stop the car as we zipped onwards down the road. In fact, my foot seemed to be turning into lead. I couldn’t stop… Couldn’t stop. I had to get there.

"Alec, don’t talk like that –"

"Why not?" I shrieked. "I don’t want to live!"

"Well, then why don’t you want to live?" Her voice flickered on one note. She was going to start crying soon.

"Because I have nothing! You’ve seen what he does to me! You’ve seen what my own flesh and blood does to me! I can’t stand it anymore! I have nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide…" I trailed off and let out another wail as wave after wave of blurring water hit my eyes.

Cassidy knew very well what I was talking about. For years my father, my own father, had beat me at the slightest wrongdoing. Everything I had ever done wrong brought me a beating like you wouldn’t believe. I had been in hospital numerous times with broken ribs, concussions, the odd snapped arm or leg - you name it. He didn’t want me for a son; he wanted the sporting type that he could be proud of. He wanted a strong son that didn’t cry. I didn’t even come close. I was nothing for him to be proud of – I never would be. Cassidy knew this – I had told her.

And the only reason I had told Cassidy in the first place was because her beautiful green eyes had missed nothing. Her beautiful, wonderful green eyes saw the bruises, saw the injuries, saw the pain – and I’m not talking just about the physical evidence either. She saw what damage it was doing to my mind. She saw through the countless lies of clumsiness or stupid games. She was so perceptive; I couldn’t hide anything from her. She had figured it out, and she wouldn’t let me lie.

Silence grew into eternity between us. It was an unbearable silence, for the both of us. I knew she wanted to hear what I had to say, and I wanted to say it, but the words were caught in my throat. I couldn’t force them either; they were stuck and they were stuck good. I wanted to scream them, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead the words came out in barely more than a mere whisper.

"I have nothing to live for," I murmured.

"That’s not true," Cassidy whimpered. I could hear her fighting back those tears.

"Yes it is."

"No it’s not Alec."

"Yes it is!"

Cassidy fell silent. I was beginning to scare her. Outside I could see the darkened wood surrounding us flying by. It was frighteningly wonderful to think about what creatures of the night were watching. The forest seemed to have eyes. The forest seemed to have a pulse, a life force, and a rather dark one at that. And it was swallowing us whole. We weren’t escaping the creature’s mouth anymore; we were travelling into those jaws, willingly offering ourselves as a midnight snack.

I heard a sniff beside me and realised Cassidy was beginning to cry. I glanced at her and saw her trembling in her seat. The blood had drained from her face; she was absolutely terrified. Droves of tears streamed down her cheeks from her wonderful eyes. A wave of guilt hit me when I saw this. I realised I wasn’t as prepared for her reactions as I thought I was. In fact, I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to her at all.

"You have me," she whimpered.

"What?"

"You have me to live for."

With those words the greatest idea I had ever had crossed my mind. It was a greater idea than just my own death. It was so perfect for the both of us. Everything was suddenly so clear, a picture of absolute perfection. My grief, guilt and even that tiny morsel of fear in the darkest corners of my mind disappeared in an instant. It was almost like the light had dawned on me.

I suddenly slammed down on the brake. The tires began to screech as we pulled to a sharp stop. Our bodies flew forward by the inertia, then backwards as the seatbelts held us in place. I turned my head sharply and leaned over toward Cassidy. My sudden movements must have scared her more – she jumped slightly and tried to slink back into the corner of her seat. I grabbed her face and saw her inhale sharply. She stared at me through her horrified but beautiful green eyes. I ran my fingers through her hair and across her face – the idea had hit me like a bus, and now everything seemed so true.

"Then we’ll both do it," I told her. "We’ll both die, together."

Cassidy shook her head. "No Alec, no. I’m not going to kill myself and neither are you."

My heart sank, and it was all I could do not to rip my gaze disappointedly from hers. I could see the uncertainty on her face, and in her eyes I could see the questions she was asking herself. Did she want to take her life? Did she want to be together with me for evermore? I couldn’t believe it! How could she not see how right this was for us?

"Why not? We have nothing!" I told her.

"We have each other! And I’m not willing to lose that!"

"But you don’t understand Cass, you don’t understand. This way we’ll be together forever, no one will ever be able to separate us this way."

"I’m not going to let you do this."

"Why? I can’t love you if we’re so far apart." I slowly released her and sat back in my seat.

I stared across at her and held her gaze. She was horrified. What was I doing? What the hell was I doing?

"I can’t love at all…" I murmured, almost crying and somehow almost laughing at my pathetic self.

There were times when I felt I didn’t deserve a creature as magnificent as Cassidy. This was one of them. She was amazing. With her black hair and slender form, she looked like a teenaged beauty queen. But her eyes, her emerald gems of eyes made her look like a goddess. Her kindness, her generosity had been there for me ever since we were five. Whenever I needed her, she was there. Even now, while my life hung by a thread, no matter how much she didn’t want to be there with me, she was. She was with me through it all; my light in darkness.

"Yes you can love, you do know how."

"No I can’t Cassidy. I’ve never known it, how can I love if I’ve never known it?"

"But you do know love! You do know it!" she shrieked.

Her eyes were gushing with horrified, shocked, and sorrowful tears. Her breath was uneven and her body trembled. I knew she was scared that she would lose me tonight. And I was scared of going alone.

"You love me," she told me. By now she was sobbing so bad that her sentences were constantly broken by her snivelling. "I know you do. You love me just as much as I love you. And you’ve shown me that love. You held my hand. You wrapped your arms around me. You gave me your heart… You do know love. You’ve shown that to me in every moment that we’ve been together. Are you really willing to just throw all that away in one moment?"

No longer was the road ahead clear, no longer was it so simple and easy for the misery to end and for Cassidy and I to be together. She didn’t want that, she didn’t want to leave her life behind tonight – not even for me. I was almost angry with her for it. Almost… What kind of a love did we possess if she wasn’t willing to do anything, absolutely anything, for us to be together?

I wrapped my fingers around the steering wheel and squeezed it tight. My knuckles were white within seconds. I didn’t know what to do about anything anymore. I didn’t even know what I was going to do about suicide. Cassidy had made that so uncertain. Slamming my foot down on the gas I once again found myself breaking the speed limit to get the car to some unknown destination.

"I don’t want to have to lose you tonight, Alec," she continued. "Don’t do this."

There was a sharp turn coming up in the road ahead, but I was ready for it. I already knew that I could go as fast as I wanted toward that bend and I’d safely make it round without damaging the car. What I wasn’t counting was the car just around the bend.

We zoomed toward the corner, unaware of impending danger. I turned the car around the bend, and saw the other automobile moving towards us. My heart leapt, and I barely had time to gasp as I began to swerve to avoid hitting the other vehicle. Tires began to screech across the concrete. The car barely saw us in time, and veered out of the way. Cassidy let out a scream beside me. As we veered around the car we suddenly slipped from the road into the nearby wood. There was a loud smash as the passenger side, Cassidy’s side, of our car hit a nearby tree. The distant sounds of the other car speeding off into the distance to let the driver falsely believe that nothing had happened echoed through the night. Then everything went silent – deathly silent.

I don’t know if I went unconscious, and if I did, I don’t know how long for. All I know is that it took me one hell of a time to open my eyes. When I finally did come round, if I did at all, I realised that any ideas of death or suicide were now distant. I had been a maniac to think that any ideas of taking my life or Cassidy taking hers were ludicrously insane. What had I been thinking? I was now so thankful to be alive. But my relief was to be very short lived.

My whole body seemed to throb with pain. I didn’t seem to notice, however, as I was in far too much shock. As relief and shock overwhelmed me, I managed to slowly turn my head far enough to see Cassidy trembling in her seat with a large gash on her head and blood trickling from the wound down all over her face. Her side of the car looked completely totalled, it was a miracle she hadn’t been killed on impact. Her eyes were wide saucers staring blankly out into the woods and she was as pale as a ghost. She was alive, but her breathing was shallow and even I could see she was completely petrified out of her mind.

"Cass?" I ventured, my voice low. "Are you okay?"

She didn’t reply.

"Cassidy!" I cried.

I wriggled my way from my seat over to her. Her beautiful green eyes, although fraught with fright, were still somehow dim with death. I scanned her side of the wreckage, knowing something was very wrong. Barely seconds later I saw it. I felt the blood drain from my face and my heart stop beating; I wanted to vomit. It was supposed to be me who died tonight, not Cassidy. Not Cassidy. A fallen branch standing at the foot of the tree had somehow pierced the flimsy door… And Cassidy’s chest.

"Oh my God," I muttered. "Oh my God."

Her head began to slouch off to one side. Blood began to bubble at the mouth, and a deep gurgling sound rose up her throat from froth-corrupted lungs. Her eyes slowly opened and closed as the shock left her and the imminent end began to take over. I went into a state of panic, refusing to believe I might just lose the one person who I had loved and who had loved me in return.

"Look, I have to get this branch out of you, okay?" I told her. "I have to pull you out. It’s going to hurt a bit but it has to be done, okay?"

Cassidy managed to nod slightly. I took hold of her battered body and slowly tried to ease her away. She groaned in pain, and it quickly became evident to me that pulling her away was going to be no easy task. I grew desperate, and took hold of her carefully. I would have to tear her away; there was no other way about it. Not waiting to see if she was ready, I gave her willowy body a rough tug. She let out a gasp, followed by a whimper. I knew how much agony I was putting her in, and looking back I now wonder if tearing her away like that sealed her fate, but in that moment it seemed like the only way to save her. With another tug she cried out but came free. I gathered her up into my arms; she suddenly seemed as cold as a corpse. I had to get her warm; she wouldn’t make it if her temperature kept dropping like that.

I slowly inched toward my door, Cassidy still in my arms, fading with every passing second. I managed to kick open my door, and crawl outside. We spilled out from the wreckage onto the forest floor. I knew she was going to die. I could smell death in the air that night. Yet I refused to believe it. My heart was pounding with hope that she would survive. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Cassidy. I rocked the crumpled wreck of a dying girl back and forth in my arms with more tears springing into my eyes.

I held her close to my heart, where she always had belonged and let the droplets from my eyes fall onto her face. I too was shaking. We both trembled, Cassidy with death, me with the fear of losing her. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye. I wasn’t going to say goodbye to her. She was a fighter; she would get through this.

"I… don’t think… I can… I’m going… to…" she wheezed.

I knew exactly what she was saying, and I would have none of it.

"Don’t say that Cass, you’ll be okay, you just have to hang on." I held on to those words, despite the fact I knew I was hanging by a thread.

With every passing second I felt despair grow in me. It was dawning on me that she was dying. I was slowly coming to know it, whether or not I wanted to accept it. My heart began to beat with an even worse pain than the selfish need to kill myself. Now it was beating with the intense desperation and sorrow to hold on to my girl just a little bit longer. I cried hard; why did she have to die? Why did she have to say goodbye?

"No… I can’t… hold on…" she whispered, eyes distant, "…much… longer…"

"No, you’ll be…" I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat. I was trembling.

"Alec… you… you have to promise… promise me… you won’t do it… Promise me… you won’t… die…"

"I don’t know if I can –"

"Promise me…"

Her breathing became shallow. She was fading; she was leaving. But she didn’t want to die! Why couldn’t it be me? Why couldn’t they take me in her place? It was me who wanted to die that night! Not her! It was me who had rung her up! It was me who had begged her to meet with me! It was me who had been secretly praying she would talk me down! It was I! Me! Me! Not her!

"Promise…"

I bit my lip, but I couldn’t stop crying. Hesitantly I nodded. With my sleeve I slowly wiped the blood from her face and lips. If she had to die in my arms that night, I refused to let her look like death. I wanted to see the beauty in her face that I had always seen. The beauty that was only began to mirror the person inside. I shuddered and leaned in. Our lips met in our final kiss. It was unbearable.

"I… I… love… y…yo…" As suddenly as her breath grew quicker, it was gone. "You…"

I felt her spirit flee from her body. She was gone.

"I love you," I whimpered, kissing her forehead and rocking her lifeless body back and forth in my arms.

I knew I had just lost out in Fate’s cruel game.

Oh yeah, and FRIED CHICKEN FOREVER!!