Heart’s Desire

I spin around in confusion, unsure of where I am. There is infinite blackness under, above, and surrounding me. But as I look into what I believe is the distance, starpoints erupt all around. I focus onto one, and it shimmers and changes, coagulating into a face.

‘Tis the God, and I am but the unquestioning servant. Except for today.

“Daughter, no matter what happens in your life, I am always here for you. Ask of me anything, and you shall have your heart’s desire.”

I think on this for a while, and finally pluck up enough courage to tremulously ask, “Father, I may ask of you anything?”

An enigmatic smile lights God’s features, and He nods.

I try to return the smile as I shakily as my first question. “Father, do I truly love Alex?”

The enigmatic smile on His face widens and He answers, “Only you can answer that.”

I nod slowly, unsure of my emotion at the answer. Eventually I look up again and murmur softly, “I do.”

I fall silent for a time, mulling over this new discovery. I do not know how much time passes, nor do I particularly wish to know. Finally I ask, “Does he love me?”

“Must you ask of me such a question?”

I answer in the affirmative, and He sighs lightly before telling me, “None who come into contact with you can help but love you. Your personality, your emotions, your ideas… all these combine to form someone that cannot be denied – you.”

Tears sting the corners of my eyes as I reply, “But if this is so, then why…” I trail off, too consumed by pain to continue.

Instead, He gently finishes, “Why is he enamoured with Ms. Jessica?”

I bow my head in pain, and hot tears stream unchecked down my face. When I again lift my head to meet my Father’s gaze, he is smiling sympathetically.

“There is something within her that draws him to her. For now.”

I take heart at the reply and my tears dry. I look at God’s face, studying it, as I ask Him, “My Lord, why am I so attracted to Ned and Rick?”

“My daughter, you are at a point in your life in which many are searching for their lifemates. Even you unconsciously do so, though you do not realize it. But you have become accustomed to male companionship, and are more inclined to seeing boys as friends rather than lovers. Only when a person is new, untested, do you feel an interest. This is why you feel this way about Ned and Rick. But you are not meant for them.”

I glance at Him, puzzled. “If I am not meant for them, then for whom am I truly meant?”

The odd smile returns to God’s features. “My child, look into your heart. What does it tell you?”

A smile curves over my mouth and I nod in understanding. God’s image begins fading away, but it returns when I call out, “Wait!”

“Father, if I am meant for whom I believe you mean, how do I make him understand?”

The image again starts disappearing, and when it has nearly gone completely, a disembodied voice rings around, above, and through me.

“My daughter, some things you must do on your own if you wish to achieve your heart’s desire.”

Just when His image has completely winked out of vision, I sit bolt upright in my bedroom. I look around at the things surrounding me and note no change in them. I still sense a change though, and I quickly realize that I have changed, for the better. A tiny bubble wells up in my stomach, swiftly rising through my body to burst in my throat, tickling it. Hope. For a new day.

I eagerly throw the coverlet off of me and set out to gain my heart’s desire.

To Achieve Your Heart’s Desire, First Look Within, Before Looking Without