Dreams are not perfect

I see you with him, it hurts.

But when we’re alone, I’m the only one in your eyes… I’m the only one who exists… and it feels great. I think I’m addicted to that feeling.

How do you share the person you love? Fate did its job, but still, fate is cruel. So so cruel indeed. Bringing me someone to love and amazingly to have her love me back. It was unbelievable… so hard to believe. Just like a dream.

But even dreams are not perfect.

She’s just what I needed in the most perfect timing ever. It was hard getting over my last relationship, almost impossible it seemed… but I did manage to get over it. And now here I am, holding her hand. But here comes the imperfection: her other hand is occupied as well.

I know what it is like, to stay in the shadows. It was as if I didn’t exist. But this time, it’s different. I DID exist. In her heart, I know I’m there. I can see myself reflected in her eyes. I KNOW I do exist somewhere in her. But how much space do I occupy? I have no idea.

Does the space really matter? It does.

IT DOES.

Lately I’ve become greedy. Having part of her is not enough. I want all of her. I no longer want to share.

Let me clarify something here. I’ve been in the shadows for so long, I can’t remember since when. But being in the shadows is different from being in someone’s shadow. Being in someone’s shadow hurts. Being in someone’s shadow where you can’t escape, hurts even more.

But what can I do?

What can I do?

Life is never what it seems… ever heard the phrase “Nothing is free”? Well, that’s life: strings ARE attached… a lot of them even… too many to count.

And now, I’m stuck.

Just stuck.

I don’t like my past.

But I don’t want to move forward either.

You see, this dream of mine… is not perfect.

Though I fucking wish it was.