Dearest Mom,

Guess what? Our class has a project, we need to write a letter to our mother. It’s supposed to contain all the things we want to tell to our mother but cannot tell it to her personally. But, the project is not the letter we would write. The project would be the mother’s reply. Anyway, the whole class had different reactions. Some of them were smiling, some were nervous, some were excited, and some were worried. It was quite fun to view all their reactions. That’s when I realized that not everyone has a strong bond with his or her own mothers… and that includes me.

I shall admit it. We really do not have a strong bond with each other. I guess that’s the reason why we often misunderstand each other. But, I know that there really is no one to blame. I mean, we both have our duties to attend to. You’ve got your work and I’ve got school. We only see each other during mornings and evenings, right? We don’t even get to spend some quality time with each other.

You know what, mom? I miss you. Never think that I don’t love you. I love you very much, I just have some problems showing it to you. Now, please don’t get me wrong. It’s just that… all my life, the one there with me was dad. He was the one who accompanied me to school, the one who prepared me food back then when I was a kid, he was the one who I turned to when I’m in trouble… Basically, what I’m trying to say is… Dad has been the one who I grew up with and that’s why we get along. But with you, I feel as if… as if we have this brick wall that separates us. I don’t know why I’m feeling this, though. Maybe it’s just my imagination, maybe I just feel uncomfortable, or maybe I feel… jealous.

Yes, jealous. I do feel jealous sometimes. I still remember the times when I was still a child. Whenever I did something wrong, you oftentimes compared me to my cousins. “Why can’t you be more like them?” “I wish I just had him as my child and not you.” Those are the things that you always tell me. You know mom, sometimes, I do ask myself those questions. Why can’t I be more like them? Why can’t I do things right? Why can’t I please you? I don’t want to tell you this but, I have cried. It hurts whenever you tell me things like that. I blame myself whenever you break down.

I remember asking God why He chose me as your daughter. I mean, I can never bring you happiness and I always cause you to feel sad and unloved. Sometimes, I even ask Him to give you a different child-a child who’ll love you, a child who’ll wrap his arms around you whenever you feel alone, a child who’ll treat you the way you want him to, a child who’ll understand you, a child who’ll make you feel… like a mother. I wanted Him to give you a child deserving of your love… anyone but me. Sadly, things can never be undone. I am your daughter and you are my mother, so I just want to tell some things to you…

I am sorry for the times I ignored you, I am sorry for the times I treated you rudely, I am sorry for the times I lied to you, I am sorry for the times I answered back at you, and furthermore, I am sorry for the times I made you feel unloved. I know I can never undo all the bad things I had done. I know I can never undo all the pains that I’ve made you suffer through, but I just want to say that I am sorry and I shall do my best to please you and make you proud that I am your child. It may take some time but I’ll never give up. I’ll do anything to make you smile again, just like the time when you first held me in your arms as a tiny baby.

Well, I can’t think clearly anymore… All these tears are blurring my eyes and I can’t see the monitor clearly now. I wish you a happy New Year, mom. And I thank you for all the love and support you had given us the past year. May this year be happier for the three of us!

Your daughter,

Erika

AN: I'm not really sure if this was uploaded under the correct category. The letter was written roughly about two years ago on December 31, 2002. Reviews would be nice but not really necessary. Thank you for your time.