October 3, 2003

by: Silver Nightingale

Sometimes, I can't help but feel that I am hated by the world. I feel as if everyone is against me. I feel as if I am being ignored. That's why sometimes I feel the hatred boiling in my heart demanding to be released. But still, I would cast a false smile to hide my pain. I don't know why but I just can't seem to let people see my true feelings. The reason? I do not know... Self-pity? Fear? Politeness? I have no idea...

When I feel the hatred in my heart, I just smile at the ones who made me mad. I just don't want them to know that they had offended me in a way. I just cower and reach for my mask to hastily put it on. Sometimes I think that I am too kind, why is it that I care so much about how they would feel when they were the ones who had hurt me? I'm so confused... Why do I want them to have comfort while they're the ones torturing me? I can't do this, not anymore. I'm feeling weaker and weaker with every smile and no one's even reaching out to me anymore. I feel so miserable.

Sometimes I regret the fact that I was born into this world. My existence does not seem to affect anyone's life... Why was I even born? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Why am I even here? I just want to go in a deep sleep. Yes, that's what I want...

I want to sit on a grassy field with the warm, blue sky over me. The soft trickling of a nearby stream and the gentle howling of the wind are all I need, all the comfort and company I need... I'll let the wind caress my body to make me feel loved, I'll let the trickling stream be my friend to remind me that I am not alone.

The sky is now changing. Azure blue would soon turn to jet black. Thunder would roar and I would shiver in fear. But then, the heavens would shed their tears in sympathy with a broken child sitting on a field. I would smile and lift my head to greet the cold tears. Their sadness would mix with mine, I would bow my head... I'll lay down the grassy plains, I'll close my eyes in peace, and allow my soul to rest... away from hatred... away from sadness... away from all emotions... Finally, I would find peace...

AN: I'm not really sure if this was uploaded under the correct category. Leave a review if you want.