On the Brink of Insanity – Prose – Jan ‘05

The wind whistles through the trees as they tower above me singing songs filled with overpowering misery and heartbreak. I stubble as the tree stumps peer nervously from their underground hideout. A branch snatches at my thin dress and clings on, desperate to destroy me, ripping a hole and bearing my flesh to the nightmare of the unknown. The mist hangs thick with the smell of indescribable fear, obscuring my view; another weapon of this terrifying wilderness uses to obliterate my faith in better times. I continue my frantic struggle to escape. I tumble over invisible obstacles and find myself crashing towards the muddy earth. I reach my arms out in a frenzied attempt to support myself but my effort is to no avail. The earth is too soft and saturated by the acidic water that has been raining down relentlessly since my unfortunate amble into this wasteland.

It is at this moment I feel a violent hand seize my shoulder and hastily haul me back to my feet. I spin around swiftly as fear knots my stomach and catches my breath. My stunned eyes meet your beautiful ones that shine like jewels in the fading moonlight. I release my breath as relief envelopes me into its deceiving clutches.

You are swathed in layer upon layer of thick clothing with a scarf coiled securely around your neck; your armour against the terror I was blind to. Your attire suggests that you were prepared for this horror and anger sweeps over me as I wonder why you did not warn me. Fury is replaced quickly with guilt as I remember your constant cautions of wandering off on my own; your advice to reside next to you and obey by your strict rules that would protect me from terror such as this. I stand vulnerable and weak dressed in only a thin white dress, my coat torn from my long ago by the vicious phantoms of this nightmare. I grasp your arm for extra support as I sense myself being pressed forward.

Before too long, rubble begins to shift under the pressure of my weightless figure. That is when your pushing comes to a halt. Hope and love fills my eyes as I reach up to kiss your lips; a silent thank you for rescuing me from my certain demise. As my porcelain lips get closer, your eyes employ an icy conviction and your grip on my shoulders becomes more forceful; more full of hate. I soundlessly question this rapid change of mood, only to find your eyes vacant as you stare past me. I turn around apprehensively, uncertain as to what my tired eyes will meet.

Ahead of me lied a bare cavity and I know instantly that what I am suspended recklessly above is the brink of insanity. The crater appears bottomless and as sinister as the darkest night conceivable. I have heard tales of this crevice from the few survivors and understand that what lies threateningly beneath me is the place where misery and pain were first created. I gasp in recognisable gut wrenching horror as my body lurches forwards, saved and controlled by only you. Stones break loose with assistance from my unsteady feet and instantly begin their descent into nothingness.

“I told you to trust me,” you mumble almost incoherently.

I spin around, prepared to explain to you that I do trust you and drifting here was not my fault but you stop me before I can instigate any noise in my mouth by heaving me away from the edge, sending me tumbling onto the dusty sand underfoot. This is when the beating commences.

Primarily I feel your feet dressed in boots of lead pound uncaring into my sides sending messages of confusion and agony to a brain that is already overwhelmed with puzzlement and alarm. An ear-splitting roar escapes your throat as my fragile frame is reduced to nothing more than quivering flesh and bone; I have become immune to the pain of your beating and your blows are harmless when I am cocooned in my own will to survive. I endure your fists as they strike my frail frame. Salty tears of misery escape my fearful eyes as my skin begins to split and I sense the familiar trail of warm poison run down my being. The menacing crimson of blood a stark contrast to the pale white of my dirty body. As your battering becomes more venomous I notice that I am no longer stationary, that gradually I am travelling toward the cliff top of sanity; inches away from the deathly plunge into senselessness. Another thump and my arm is dangling precariously over the edge and a minute whimper escapes my mouth.

Moments later I find myself clinging to the last strands of grass of normalcy, staring into the eyes of a monster filled with rage and icy bitterness. My pleading eyes look into yours for the final time as I begin my dive into oblivion. I notice a glimmer of love in your eyes as you look away and trudge heavily back into the love-filled life we once lived together. As I fall as sense of freedom and reprieve engulfs me as the struggle to overpower such intense feelings of fear and misery depart my broken shell.

Everyone always told me it would be you, the one I gave my heart to, that sent me plummeting powerlessly over the edge into the unconceivable shadowy depths of insanity.