Why Blood?

Chapter 1: Demonic Hamsters and Dead Squirrels

‘Algebra II is the work of the devil…Physics is the work of the devil…the devil must be out to get me.’ I think this over and over in my mind, trying and failing on focusing my thoughts and getting through my homework. I was failing miserably in both classes and I knew if I had any plans of graduating next year, I would have to suffer with the stupidity of complicated and useless math, such as matrices, as well as complicated and useless crap about free falling objects and Newton’s damned laws. I would sigh in frustration, but that’s not my way. Instead I will suffer in silence, staring at my desk and eraser dust until it was too late to do anything at all and I would make another big, fat ZERO on my homework grade for the day.

Then, it struck me. Today is Friday. Friday meaning there is no school for the next two days meaning I have two whole freaking days to get my shiznit together.

“TGIF!!!” my triumphant cry echoed through the house, invoking more cries, those of protest, from the other living beings I happened to reside with.

Two Days Later. 9:15 p.m.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” rang my cries of dismay as I scrambled to find my untouched and unfinished homework. I am stupid. I am very stupid. I am beyond stupid; I’m the most idiotic person I know! What the hell was I thinking? I should have gotten my homework done Friday so I wouldn’t have to worry about it now! But, noooo, I had to wait until the last minute, AGAIN!!

“I would give almost ANYTHING to not have to do this STUPID homework!” I moaned and smacked my head on the desk. “Crap that hurt,” I massaged my bruised forehead and sighed. A long, deep, melodramatic, frustrated, on-the-verge-of-crying sigh (notice the contradiction from the beginning). Why me? Why, why, why?

“Did I hear someone say they’d do anything to not have to do homework?”

Huh? Did I say something? ‘Course I didn’t, I would know if I had said anything. Then, who did say something? I glanced around my room, but saw nothing and no one. I checked outside my door to be sure one of my siblings (by accident of birth, trust me) was trying to pull one on me.

“Ahhem.”

“What the freak!”

“I’m not a freak.”

“Who is saying that?! Am I hearing voices again? Look guys, I told you my head is off limits and you’re going to have to pay rent to have your rants, raves and conversations held here, got it?” Those stupid internal voices did not know when to leave me the hell alone.

“I’m not a voice in your head, you twit. Look down before I bite your toe off!”

My eyebrow went up, but I listened to the…thing and found…a hamster. A hamster? Yes, that is right, an orange and white hamster. It’s beady eyes looked up at me expectantly.

“Well, are you going to answer my question or must I begin said biting of toes?” the hamsters mouth moved in a way I knew a hamster’s mouth should not move. I may not have seen a hamster before or heard a hamster squeak, or whatever noise they made, but I am sure that this is no ordinary hamster. (It definitely wasn’t the cutest of the litter either.)

“What question?”

The talking hamster sighed in what seemed to be the exact same sigh I had emitted not moments ago. “I had asked if I had heard someone say they’d do anything to not have to do homework.”

“Um, I don’t know. Did you?”

“You’re being difficult aren’t you?”

“…”

“I wasn’t joking about the biting,” the sighing hamster bared, or tried to bare, it’s teeth.

“Maybe so dude, but I’m bigger and stronger and if you bite me, I’ll be forced to crush you with my endangered toe,” I smiled smugly at my newfound power. Oh, the glory of finally being able to pick on another. Not that I picked on helpless animals often, or at all for that matter, but when a talking animal endangers you’re big toe, you get to be a bit defensive.

“I do believe you have succeeded in getting me off track. Now, listen up and when I’m done, you will regret ever thinking about crushing a marvelous creature such as myself,” the ‘marvelous creature’ sure was full of himself, no? “My name is Elic and I have been assigned to this area in hopes of sniffing out future clients for my bosses business. I-“

“Wait, you sniff out your clients? Do you mean this literally, jokingly, or were you just-“

“Why interrupt with such insulting jokes? Just because I am a hamster does not mean I don’t have feelings!” I would have felt sorry for the ratty thing if I hadn’t realized I was starving and still had not finished my homework. The hamster began talking again as I check my watch; 9:47 it read. Damn! I need to get my homework done and this damn thing is keeping me from it. Maybe the devil really is out to get me. I mean, I was joking when I thought of that Friday, but…

“So, what do you say? Do we have a deal,” that little hamster, Elic was it, had somehow made its way to my bed and was staring at me, seemingly waiting for an answer.

“How did you get on my bed?”

Elic blinked a few times. “Why ask such an irrelevant question at a critical time like this? You have been listening, haven’t you?”

We stood there, or I stood there and he sat over there, for a few moments before Elic let loose another winded sigh. He muttered something under his breath that sounded a bit like “why me” and “damn bastard always gives me these freaks” or something.

“Who’re you calling a freak?” I chimed in after I finally realized he had been calling me a freak. “I’m not the talking hamster here!”

“I’m a demonic hamster, you loose-minded fool! I just explained my whole reason for being here, and you weren’t even LISTENING!!”

I had no idea hamsters also had veins on their neck and foreheads that throbbed when they were angry. He looked like an anime hamster when he did that. I tried my best to keep from laughing at the comedy of it all. “I’m sorry Elic, I was thinking about my still unfinished homework that you are keeping me from.”

“That’s just it you twit, I am here to help you with your little homework problem.”

“You’re a hamster.”

“A demonic hamster! How many times do I have to say it?!”

“Alright, keep your hair from curling, sheesh! Exactly how do you plan on helping me get my homework done? Do you understand Algebra and Physics?” I could only hope for so much at this point. It was obvious that I was hallucinating, having finally cracked over the pressure, or I must have fallen asleep in the process of attempting work and my dreams were telling me that hamsters might be the answer to all of my problems. Wait, that made no sense, but nothing made sense at this point so I was more than willing to go along with both conclusions. Oh crap, the thing was talking again.

“No, I don’t remember either of those things. I learned the laws of physics and all math known to man, and some not known to man, centuries ago, so it would take a couple decades to bring the memories to surface,” he stated in a ‘duh!’ sort of manner, as if a dead squirrel could have come to that conclusion. Oh great, next thing I’ll have is a talking, dead squirrel sitting next to the Elic telling me it knew the past, present and future and could help me in deciding my career in life. Actually, that would be kind of helpful. Stop thinking and listen you dope!!

“I can offer you services given to the few and selected. For a price of course.”

“Dude, I’m broke. I couldn’t get a job if my life depended on it.”

“How unfortunate for you,” he mumbled. “I’m not talking money. I mean, for the price of your soul.”

End Chapter 1

No Hamsters Were Harmed In The Making Of This Chapter…

Author Note: Yes, this is a spur of the moment type of story. Yes, I already have the rest of the story falling into place in my mind. No, I have no idea when the next chapter will be up or when the story will be finished.

The idea came to me while I was in the shower and I kept running it over and over in my mind so I wouldn’t forget and decided to type it up before I forgot anything. I have a bit of an outline for the coming events and will hopefully get them typed up and ready to go.

This has not been proofread or read by anyone else. If you find a mistake, please let me know and I will gladly fix is. Any comments, suggestions, flames and/or compliments shall be welcomed with open arms (and flames shall later be used to set people on fire, so be careful in the choice of fuel you lay in my possession).

This is the first original story to be put on fictionpress, and hopefully not the last. If you’ve made it this far through my, and any, author note, you deserve a cookie AND a glass of milk.

QC