There is much to say

That cannot be put in words.

So much to tell

That cannot be expressed.

How can I put into words

This feeling that even my heart

Does not understand?

I don’t know why

These tears of mine

Keep falling from my eyes.

This smile on my face,

Is it mine?

Or is it part of this mask

Made and placed by my own hands?

Lord, I don’t know why

I don’t know how

This mask of mine

Has become who I am.

But it’s not.

These tears show it,

These feelings reveal it,

There’s something wrong,

That my mask desperately hides.

I wear this cross around my neck,

I hold this Bible in my hands.

My feet take me to church,

My lips lead me to praise,

My hands hold to pray.

But it feels fake.

What am I doing wrong?

Why does my heart tell me

My mind is not in the right place?

Why is my spirit chained

And yearning to soar?

Father, I don’t know what’s happening.

I don’t know how to stop this,

Or have I stopped and have to run?

I don’t know,

I just don’t.

What am I supposed to do?

So many questions sealed away,

Too many answers far away.

Is this what darkness is?

Maybe this is the first step

Perhaps if I begin to pray

No, not pray,

Not senseless lip movement.

But a confession, a cry, a true calling out

Maybe, this is the first step

Lord,

There is a mask upon my face

Please, only You can take it away

And embrace the true person inside.

Father, Savior, Redeemer

Friend

My Jesus

Help

Thank you.

So much.