|The Chronicled Adventures of Bob the Lizard
Author: welchs828 PM
Bob was born on the bus when I was in 6th-8th grade. He's special. He's allergic to purpleberries. My cat is sort of named after him. He has a bitch girlfriend.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,567 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 03-15-05 - Published: 01-26-05 - id: 1817320
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Bob Re-Entered the Fashion Business
One day, Bob decided to go Gothic. So he picked out some clothes from his cousin's wardrobe and said, "I AM GOTH! YAAH! He decided to wear a long, happy, pink sundress with a yellow colonial bonnet, white stockings, pennyloafers, and a basket of flowers on his arm. He skipped down to the ghetto and opened his arms wide, saying, "I love you!" Five minutes later, he ran away screaming, wearing torn garments. It was scary.
Bob Saw A Giant Mutant Spider
One day, Bob saw a giant mutant spider. He screamed. It ate him.
Bob Came Out
That same day, Bob came out the other end.
Bob ran from the spider, screaming.
Bob Was Haunted
That same day again only at night, Bob was haunted by Mr. Groundhog. Mr. Groundhog grrrrrrowled really loud. Bob got scared and ran to tell the mayor, but he fell asleep while running and a rhino carried him home.
Bob Named His Acorn
One day, Bob looked in his pocket. He found an acorn and decided to name it. "I dub thee Pennyloafer! Your name is Pennyloafer!" So he put Pennyloafer in his pocker again.
Bob Found Some More Cheese
One day, Bob looked through his fridge for something to eat, or maybe even get high off of. So he opened some sort of drawer and found a piece of cheese. He said, "Hehehehehehehehe," in a really malicious voice. It was scary. Bob picked up a large chunk of this odd cheese and stuffed it in his mouth greedily. He then proceeded to giggle, but this time, his laugh was more like that of a young schoolgirl playing hopscotch than that of a ferocious, ravenous, lizard-eating hamster gone mad. Bob giggled and giggled, and then he finally decided that it was tea time. "Cheerio, mate!" Bob yelled out as he ran to his closet to take out his best, really super-expensive, valuable, really really delicate China tea set. He took it out and ran to the table, dropping most of the pieces on the ground. They broke. Then Bob put a pink sunhat on his head and grabbed a yellow parasol, since it was really sunny. He hopped on a bike from the early 1900s and zoomed off down the street. He was really happy. Unfortunately, Bob pulled a handkerchief out of nowhere and tied it around his eyes. He sped off down the street, crashing into people and zigzagging blindly through crowds of people, that is, until he hit a rock and was catapulted into the air. As he flew rapidly through the air, Bob prayed he wouldn't hit a tree. He didn't hit a tree. Bob hit a glass building, shattered one window, flew on in, landed in the elevator on his head, and said, "Ow." Bob almost died. But he didn't. Bob can't ever die. So ha. But he sure did get in a darn lot of trouble for breaking the glass building and running people over on his bike. That part wasn't fun. But he didn't die. Because Bob can't die. Ever. Even if he knew how. Just because. So Bob lives on.
Bob's Acorn Got Hungry
One day, Bob heard a bodiless voice. It said, "I'm hungry." Bob looked in his pocket at Pennyloafer, his pet acorn. "SHE SPEAKS!" Bob yelled. Pennyloafer said, "Yeah, tell me something I didn't know." So Bob said, "Kershmoosh." Pennyloafer gave him a weird look that only an acorn could give someone. "Give me some food or else," said Pennyloafer. Bob said, "No," in response and closed his pocket.
Bob Met Captain Jack Sparrow
Per request by Emily Jagdmann
One day, Bob was walking by the lake, and he heard a weird, piratey song. He wondered where it came from, so he looked out on the lake. But he only saw a pirate ship. However, when he looked out toward the park, Bob saw a marching band. He was amazed. So he walked over to the marching band and stared at them as they played their piratey song. After about five minutes, the pirates arrived on land. One pirate, a sparrow, flew (literally) over to Bob. "Hi, I'm Cap'n Jack Sparrow. Now, where's the--" Bob cut Jack off with a sharp, "Shut up and listen!" Jack tried again. "'Scuse me, but where's the--" Bib cut him off promptly. "I AM TRYING TO LISTEN TO THIS MUSIC!" Bob yelled loudly, distracting a few random piccolo players. Jack Sparrow sighed. "WILL YOU STOP MAKING NOISES?!" Bob screamed at Jack. "Wha--" Jack was cut off when Bob picked him up and threw the poor sparrow into the lake. "Arrrrrrgh! You have not seen the last of me!
Jack yelled to Bob. "Yeah, whatever," said Bob. And he went back to watching the marching band practice.
Bob's Best Friend
One day, Bob realized his best friend was Joey the Ferret. Bob already sort of subconsciously knew this. And his name. Bob. But that's all he knew.
Bob Went to Mexico
One day, Bob decided to go to Mexico. So he called up Joey and said, "I'm going to Mexico. Come with me or else." So Bob packed his bags, and so did Joey, and they walked to Mexico. That's right. They walked to Mexico. When they got there, they asked this random guy, "Could we have some tacos and hot sauce?" The guy didn't know any English, so he said, "No hablo inglés. Hablan español, por favor." Which means, "Shut up and give me some cheese. But Bob and Joey didn't know that. They thought he said, "I don't speak English. Speak Spanish, please." So they walked home.
Bob Ate A Banana
One day, Bob went to Cindy's house. She asked him if he wanted anything to eat. He said he wanted a banana. So Cindy gave him one. Now, Cindy is Bob's ex-girlfriend. And she's really dumb. So, of course, she gave him the banana. This was the biggest mistake ever. Seriously. Bob peeled the banana extremely slowly. Really painfully slowly. Cindy gritted her teeth. Then Bob started smooshing the banana in his teeth. His ex inhaled deeply and slowly. When Bob started swallowing loudly, Cindy cringed. Bob kept this up for 4 3/8 minutes. After that, Cindy got really mad. That girl turned red, purple, and green. Even though she was a frog. And ugly. And green. After that, it wasn't pretty©. Let's just say Bob went home looking uglier than Cindy. Even though that's impossible.
©...well, my friend said I use that phrase a lot. So he copyrighted it for me. Woot woot.
Bob Fell In Love
One day, Bob was walking down the street when he realized his girlfriend, Sarie, wasn't really his girlfriend. She was a mango. With wings. And feathers. And a beak. Okay, so she wasn't a mango. But Bob had no feelings for her. So he was sad. Really sad. Then he pulled a mirror our of his pocket and looked at himself. He was really pretty. Even though he wasn't. He was handsome. Not really. So Bob went home. And he realized he loved potatoes. I think. Bob thought so, too. So he got a potato out of his cupboard and ate it whole. He choked. And almost died. But he didn't. Because Bob can't die. Ever. Even if he knew how, Bob couldn't die. So ha. By the way, it wasn't pretty©.
Bob's 51st Story
One day, Bob did some jumping jacks. It was fun, yet pure torture. Woot. Anyways, this happens to be Bob's 51st story. Because I forgot to make a big deal out of his 50th one. So in this particular story, Bob can do whatever he wants. Bob, you take it from here.............................................................................................................................Bob thought about it. And he decided to do jumping jacks. What a dumb idea.
((MOOOOOOORE TO COME! I haven't even copied my whole notebook full of Bob stuff on here yet! Muahaha! R&R, please!))