1. A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail. A great friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying 'HOW FUCKING COOL WAS THAT!?!'

2. It is best to be cold at heart and warm in bed.

3. Sticks and stones may break your bones...but whips and chains can excite you.

4. Cameras...they are everywhere.

5. If life gives you lemons throw them at cars.

6. 'Forking someone's yeard', the act of sticking forks into someones lawn when they are asleep. When forking someone's yard do not take pictures and then show your own parents who are friends with the person you did it to.

7. A straight man will always tell his girlfriend she's beautiful no matter what, a gay man tells a girlfriend how beautiful who boyfriend is.

8. Do not call a lesbian a 'dyke' to her face, not unless you like eating teeth.

9. Women do nothing for free, men do anything to get on shows such as Jackass, World's Funniest Videos and Maximum Exposure (Max-X).

10. Whoever said the pen is mighter then the sword has obviously never been on the business end of a damn sword.