A Long Night

The long night, much as this too short, as they always are, trip, draws to a close. The sky’s eastern reaches have become speckled with touches of rose amongst the ever creeping azure. She takes it all in, and within seconds, like the rest of this so called adventure, it’s nothing more than a blur.

Ten days of parties and fun, drinking and dancing and everything she thought it would be. She wonders why people go with their families to Disneyland when they could come here; no parents, no responsibility, no worries. It’s the best vacation she’s ever had, and she’s spent it all with no one but the guy she ever so loosely termed “boy friend”. Intoxicated and now weary, she pulls herself from the dancing and brings herself over to lean against the wall, needing a rest. “He” sees her go, and follows. “It’s been a long night, you want to just go back to the hotel room?” he asks. Looking to him with tired eyes she says what he expects you to say. “But it’s our last night.”

“It’s not night anymore.” he replies amused. “We’ve got a flight tonight, we should get some sleep. Come on.” She knows he’s right, and deep down thought the same.

She walks for only minutes and the large hotel comes into view. She remembers the first time she saw the hotel. It was beautiful, a fortress where she would make her escape, where she could feel free and safe. As she walked in and made her way up the stairs to her room, she noticed something different with her “boy friend”. Perhaps it was how he seemed to have something more urgent in his step, or maybe how he appeared to have tensed up, but something was certainly different. she dismisses it as the alcohol and just keep on going.

They reach the room, unlocking the door, and walking into the well furnished sweet. Who’d have thought you could find a five star hotel so easily in Mexico. As she goes for her bed, he grabs her by the arm, pulling her close, kissing her hard. She kisses him back as she always did. She finds him reaching for her belt, but doesn’t stop him. It’s not long before he slips her pants down, and brings her over to his bed, falling over her as she fades into the bed’s soft embrace. He’s begun to kiss and caress her body, but as if hit in the head with by a brick, her mind is going in ever direction, thinking of everything but what’s actually going on around her.

She expected this to happen; in fact it had almost been intended. They had a room together, they were going to Mexico alone with each other, and she’d finally be able to quench her curiosity of what it’s like to be with someone else.

Her mind continues to wonder though, and slowly she realizes the reason she doesn’t feel right. Her heart is puling at her too. She’s torn; does she learn what its like to be with someone knew, or does she hold on to the irreplaceable ideal of having shared this with only one person, and that person with her. But how can she know, how can she be sure that the boy she once loved so hasn’t already done what she’s doing now?

As thoughts had flown through her mind, so too had the time to decide flown, and while she didn’t realize it, they were now both naked, lying on the bed together. Slipping from her trance, she sees him looking into her eyes with anticipation, and knows what’s about to come. But once again, she doesn’t stop him. He slips in, and twenty minutes later, it’s done; there’s no going back. It seems that once again, for all her efforts to escape it, she’s back to feeling lost, not sure quite what to feel about her life. Perhaps it’s just her curse.

The past two weeks had been great. He and his best friend had been in Germany, visiting his family, going to parties, meeting girls… What more could he ask for right? He had actually been getting to know one girl quite well. Her name was Daniela.

It was late, the night had passed faster than he had anticipated, and he sat alone on the edge of his bed in his cousins’ house, unable to give in to the weariness as it was every night. He had too much on his mind, too many thoughts of “her”. While he knew he should be thinking about Daniela; she was sweet and fun and undeniably beautiful, he could not, for it was that other girl, the one he had loved so much for so long that was on his mind. But she had left him, was in Mexico now with her new guy, his replacement. Would he ever find rest?

His friend was still downstairs hanging out with his cousin, as was the routine. Those two had hit it off, and while they didn’t display it openly, he was sure that there would be romance about before long. This didn’t bug him, he was happy for his friend. A knock at the door awoke him from his contemplations, forcing his face from his hands to look up at the source of the noise. The door opened slowly, silently. There she stood, Daniela, smooth, supple, her ever present smile there to accentuate her ever present beauty. There was an undeniable attraction between the two, one everyone else had noticed, yet somehow, he had denied it. But how could he, even with their rather limited command of one another’s languages, they had gotten to know each other so well, and weather he’d admit it or not, he’d loved every second of it.

Sitting down beside him, her gaze cut right through him. She knew something was hurting him, and he knew that he could not hide it. He would spend the next two months here; there was no way he could ever hope to deny this turmoil forever. It didn’t matter though, somehow she understood him before a single word was spoken. He stuttered through the beginnings of a number of explanations, but didn’t quite manage to say one complete word. When finally he had given up, he looked away embarrassed. She kissed him.

It was amazing, like a release, like a silken caress throughout his entire body. A thousand thoughts ran through his head at that moment; how’d I get a girl like this, she’s gorgeous, but what about “her”? As sitting became lying, and clothes found themselves discarded, above all, he wondered one thing, how could something that was so right, feel so wrong?

He had shared something special with “her”, could he just give all that up? He felt torn, unsure of which way to turn at this looming fork in the road. If he did this, he’d lose something he could never get back. At the same time, how could he be sure that “she” had not done this very thing with the guy that replaced him? He was drawn from his contemplations by a sudden sensation in his loins. Daniela was on top of him, looking deep into his eyes, and she guided him into her. He felt a sudden warmth and resignedly gave in. Sometime latter he lay with Daniela snuggled close in his arms. As had always been the truth of his life, he found only uncertainty and further suffering in the joy of his life. Perhaps it’s just his curse.