I hate writer’s block. And I hate quick edit. It confuses my miniscule brain.

Thank you, Darkness-of-the-fallen, for the reveiw. I really appreciate it!

Anyway, this took me forever, because I kept re-writing it. Sorry it’s so short, but I hope you enjoy. I put a lot of effort into this. I’m about half-way done with the next chapter, and I know what I’m doing for the next three. I feel much better now ;; Anyway, please review. Enjoy!

PS: I jsut realized that what I used for breaks ( between journal entries and stuff ) doesn’t show up on here anymore. So, “........” is also used for breaks, okay? Oh yeah and the bold is basically the last part of the last chapter, as a tiny reminder of where you are, because of my poor skills at updating. I’m sorry if this is confusing. Email me if you have questions...

Chapter 2: Butterfly

January 23rd

13th Journal entry

A friend came and visited yesterday. She said her name is ‘Carie’… She seems familiar, but I cannot place her anywhere in my mind.

For my 12th journal entry I just wrote some words. Like “Carie” It is such an interesting name. Why do I feel like there is something important about her, but I cannot remember?

...I drew a doodle on my other entry. It was a butterfly. Carie watched me with interest, but she looked worried, and I don’t know why.

She had to leave early today. I am... I don’t know. I am something, of course. But I cannot tell what I “feel”. Do I feel anything at all?

I do not understand. There is so much I don’t. And so little I do. I fear there is something wrong with me.

Today she brought friends for me. They were nice, but there was something else in their words disguised. I can tell. It seems with my confusion and loss I have gained something else. I have gained insight. But how do I use this insight to help me understand myself again? Time will tell, as Carie says. I guess..

She is nice. I hope she will be my friend.

I feel inspired and a lot better today. I think it is because of her!

This is what I write today, in honor of the valiant butterfly:

Fragile being, carried by air currents called life.

With death comes beauty. ( I want to fly )

Fragile being, so beautiful, and so strong, yet powerless against time.

With death comes beauty. ( Try to resist, and your peace is shattered )

Fragile being, learning, understanding, then not; confused, worried, and so much more, but it cannot explain or speak.

With death comes beauty ( I wish I could understand )

Fragile being, faceless people try to comfort you, but they move on, and so do you.

With death comes beauty. (There is no time to rest and think )

Fragile being, you have seen the light, but you are now lost in darkness.

With death comes beauty ( the warmth cannot reach me )

Fragile being, cry out with the last of your energy, searching for what is lost.

With death comes beauty ( You cannot hear me )

Fragile being, finally lets go, but dies in splendor and beauty, even if it’s unnoticed.

With death comes peace. ( I finally understand )

... I don’t know where those words came from. They just, poured out. Maybe this is my insight. Maybe this will help me understand. Maybe this is really me. Maybe I can piece the puzzle together. I have not totally forgotten who I am, I am not totally incapable, I am not totally alone.

But now, I am now exhausted.

It’s time to sleep and dream.

Can you see paradise?

--Katie

Out of the blue, Kate’s eyes snapped open and she sat up with a start.

Blue eyes widened as the girl in the chair jumped up with a start, knocking it over, then wincing at the crashing noise it made on the floor.

Leaning down and picking up the fallen chair, Carie looked up and froze.

Katie was facing her, but she had blank stare; one that seemed to pierce through the other girl who was staring right back.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Katie opened her mouth, out came a rasping whisper; so quiet, Carie almost didn’t hear her.

“ Who…who are you? And what are you doing here?”

Carie stared, her eyes wide, and her mouth hung open.

“…What?!”

Carie felt time freeze right there. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. It was almost as if she couldn’t breathe, and time had stopped existing. The words kept echoing in her head, along with the nurse’s…

Who are you? What are you doing here?... brain damage...who are you... she might never recover...

Carie couldn’t believe it. She had just heard one of the sentences she’d never thought she’d hear her best friend say.

After she got over the initial shock, she answered,

“ Wh-what?”

Katie continued to stare. She had seen this girl before… something about her was so…familiar!

“ Ka-Katie,” Carrie said, her voice shaky, “ tell me this is some kind of joke! I mean, you do it all the time and it-it isn’t fu-funny this time.”

“ Joke?” Inside of Katie, all she heard coming out of her mouth were hollow, meaningless.

“ Don’t you remember me?” Carie tried again. “ Carie, math extraordinaire? Carie, the STILL afraid of the hot pavements in the summer? Don’t you KNOW me?”

Katie stared for a another long moment, and Carrie fidgeted under her emotionless stare. It was beginning to become a bit unnerving.

“ Katie…”

Katie finally tore her gaze away from this girl she did not seem to know.

“ I…” her voice was barely recognizable, and so quiet was the rest Carrie didn’t hear anything, only saw her lips barely move.

“ What?” Carie asked, hope and fear rekindled inside of her.

“ I just don’t know anything anymore,” Katie whispered, her face turned away from Carrie’s as she tried to hide the tears that slid down her face. She just sat there looking out the window, and her hand balling into a fist as she grabbed onto a fistful of sheets.

Carrie was silent. There was nothing to say. For once in her life, Carrie felt powerless. She felt feeble, like a fading memory.

‘ ‘cause I guess that’s what I am to Katie now…’

Was she that easy to forget? Was there nothing she could do to help her friend?

Carrie bit her lip and felt guilt stab through her as well, and though she knew this whole tragedy wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t help but blame herself that Katie was this way.

Carrie stared at the tiles on the floor of the hospital, immersed in her own thoughts. The silence was eerie.

Katie felt the tension hover in the room. Though she felt empty and didn’t know who this person in her room was, she also felt strange. This feeling…what was it? She couldn’t tell anymore. It was all to much to think about.

Tears kept sliding down her cheeks, and she instinctively brought her hand up to her face to wipe them away. She gazed down at the crystal tears and saw her own reflection, almost gasping in surprise.

Is this what she had become?

Her death grip on the sheets tightened as Katie once again tried to prevent herself from hurtling herself off the edge in the haunting abyss of darkness and emptiness.

Looking up from her hand to once again stare out the window, something caught her eye.

“ Ca…Carie?”

Carie looked up quickly, wondering if she had heard correctly. Did her friend just say her name? Did she recall something about her?

Her heart leaped as hope once again raced through her veins, as she said, trying to suppress excitement and anticipation in voice,

“ Yes?”

“ Co-could you come…come he-he-here?”

Carie’s heart suddenly sank a little. Her friend was stuttering? She had never stuttered before!

There might have been damage to the brain and nervous system…

The nurse’s voice murmured hauntingly through her mind.

Carie abruptly didn’t want to walk over there. To help her friend. She just wanted to high-tail it out of there and run and run and never look back. Never look back and see her transformed companion. She could almost imagine her looking at her feet slapping the floor as she ran and ran and ran. Out of that room, out of that hospital, out to anywhere as long as she didn’t have to stay here.

She was considering it when the sting of reality smacked her right in the face. Her friend needed her. What was she thinking, abandoning her like that? She didn’t care if it sounded ridiculous or stupid now. She needed to help her friend as long as she could, and drag her away from her inner hell deep inside her mind that blinded her like a thick fog.

Walking over to the windowsill and sitting next to Katie, Carie asked, as gently and polity as she could ( which Katie would usually never allow, she reflected meticulously ),

“ Yes? What is it?”

Katie didn’t answer, just outstretched ---a rather pale and bony finger, Carie noted pointedly-- and whispered,

“ What is that?”

Carie followed her gaze out the window, but at first didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Just snow, snow, and-- Carie noticed with a hint of sarcasm-- more snow.

“ I don’t see anything,” Carie said simply, taking her view from the window and turning it over to Katie. She barely managed to bite back that “ are you sure you just didn’t imagine the whole thing?” remark, but she controlled herself.

Katie furrowed her brow in frustration, then repeated, smoother than last time,

“ Look again. Carefully.”

Carie sighed. She looked out the window, but STILL didn’t see anything. But she continued to valiantly and half-heartedly stare intently out the window for the sake of her friend, feeling rather foolish and starting to think that maybe Katie really WAS imagining everything, when a flicker of movement caught her eye as well.

“ Oh! This?” Carie stood up and swiftly pushed the shutters back to gaze now with real interest down to what Katie had been trying to show her.

After a few second of inspection, Carie undid the window hatch and pulled it up easily, enjoying the feeling of cold winter air sliding softly across her skin. Then, cupping her hands, she tenderly picked up the object of Katie’s interest, then pulled the window shut, to avoid unwanted cold and snow to blow in.

She also walked around Katie’s bed and sat on the other side, and, noticing it was a bit dark in the room, (save for the dull light coming through the window) clicked on the desk lamp, enjoying it’s warm, homey light that immediately spilled over and chased away all the lurking shadows in the room.

Turning on the bed and shifting the object to one hand so Katie could see better, the both leaned intently down to inspect what fluttered lightly in Carie’s hand, both silent. There was no need for words right now, just honest observation of the eyes and mind.

But before long, a general statement was required.

“ It’s a butterfly. “

Katie was infatuated, her mouth opened in wonderment as she gazed at the intricate orange-and-black patterns on the fragile winged beauty.

“ That’s right,” came the reply from the other girl. “ I wonder what it’s doing here. It should have migrated south with the others by now. “

Then, as if on queue, the butterfly ceased its fluttering.

Katie continued to stare.

Suddenly, she blinked rapidly and frowned, gently touching a fingertip to a wing. The butterfly fluttered its wings a bit in response, then stopped moving altogether.

The two girls waited silently, and once again only the ticking of the clock on the wall resumed.

Soon enough, though, Carie sat up straighter a bit and using one hand to push her glasses up further onto the bridge of her nose, pronounced sadly,

“ I think it’s dead.”

The other girl gently cupped her own fingers and took the lifeless creature into her hands, gently, gazing at it as her eyes clouded over with sadness. It reminded her of herself, after all. It was time to leave, but it was left behind, all alone in the cold, struggling to find shelter. And just as it was almost there, it turned out to not really matter. It just died in a futile struggle against life and fate.

But Katie still marveled at it’s beauty. Even without the warm light spilling over it’s wings, illuminating and casting a almost mystical glow, it was so beautiful in every aspect. From the complex design patterns to it just lying peacefully there in her hands.

Katie brought her hands up to her face and oh so carefully rested her cheek against the body in her hands, eyes drifting shut, quiet and accepting the sad truth about death and time.

“ Hey are you okay?” Came the voice after awhile, accompanied by the comforting hand on her shoulder.

Brown eyes looked up into blue.

“ Yes I’m fine. “ Katie finally whispered, setting down her hands on her lap, still watching object in her hands.

Carie frowned in concern, then gently took the Monarch butterfly back into her own hands. She then took a tissue from a box nearby and ceremoniously wrapped it up while the other girl watched silently, eyes following the hands that expertly folded the material over the departed.

Gently the wrapped item was deposited into the trashcan, and sad silence swathed the room.

Silence again.

Carie walked back over to sit on her friend’s bed to see what was to happened next when she noticed her friend was already a step ahead of her.

The journal Katie was writing in before was out, and she was flipping through it’s pages slowly, pausing to glance every now and then at a page, eyes scanning it with ease and the sense of long practice. This was something Katie knew she understood. Writing. It was amazing simple and understandable to her, and it kept her going. In order to remember from now on she had to write what had happened, so she wouldn’t forget anything ever again.

“ What do you have there?”

“ My journal. I write in this to help me remember,” came the reply, but the eyes still scanned the pages. Then it was snapped shut, and the holder held up the cover for the other girl to see.

The journal was made of recycled paper, and the cover was a icy lavender, and the texture of the recycled paper made it look like flaky snow. A metal heart adorned the middle, with no design carved upon it. Colored vines decorated the edges, entwining. It’s simplicity was clear, but to Katie it didn’t matter. She was attached to it, maybe because of it’s simplicity.

“ It’s cute,” came the reply after a few moments.

“ Yeah,” Katie said, looking eager as she lay it on her lap and began flipping through the pages, faster this time. “ Would you like to see what I wrote?”

“ Sure! “

Suddenly Carie felt better. Soon they were happily immersed in conversation, talking about past summers and cute events.

“ Oh. I even have a photo in here. See?”

“ Oh yes I remember! It’s when we stole Catherine’s makeup and gave Sam a makeover. That was funny. We tried it on my dog, but I don’t think she liked it as much.”

“ And on our birthdays, we always shared cake together. I remember the year that my dog ate your cake. We could all tell by the footprints the frosting made.”

Soon laughter filled the air, and the whole dilemma was forgotten, like it was just some scary nightmare they both had woken up from.

Carie couldn’t help the wide smile on her face. She felt like she could just squeal in delight and excitement. She could tell Katie was feeling the same thing, because she laughed and laughed as she showed old photos and delightedly explained stuff.

So nothing had really changed, after all! Katie was still Katie. It was like a book. Just because something happened that they didn’t like, doesn’t exactly mean the end will be as horrible.

Time flew by, and before they knew it, it was time to go.

They didn’t even hear the door creak open and the nurse say,

“ Miss Carie? It’s time to leave now. Visiting time is over. Carie?”

Suddenly the laughter stopped abruptly and Carie turned around to face the nurse.

“ Oh... Oh! Is it that time already?!” Carie looked baffled as she checked her watch and the clock on the wall. “ Oh my! I am sooo late! I was supposed to be home fifteen minutes ago!“

Carie quickly stood up and grabbed her things and was about to rush out the door when Katie spoke.

“ Hey Carie,” she said, eyes dancing, “ Can you come again soon? It was a lot of fun! “

“ Sure!” Came the reply.

Just as Katie was about to speak again, she yawned and flopped down on the bed.

“ Haha,” Carie laughed, no longer worried about her best friend. But right now it’s time for you to sleep, missy. All that has taken it’s toll, no?

“ Heehee (yawn) true.”

“ I’ll bring friends over to visit you ASAP okay? Then we can open your get-well presents! Don’t forget, it’s your birthday soon!”

And with that, Carie was out the door, whistling happily as she tried to prevent herself from skipping. Katie would be okay! She would remember her friends, and everything would be back to normal. Though inside her mind there was a seed of doubt, remembering how it would be Katie’s first birthday without her family, she tried to distract herself and put it out of her mind.

‘Everything will be just fine...! Now, all I have to do is get her friends to come over. I can’t wait to see her face! She’ll be so happy! We also need to plan a surprise for her. Hmmm...What to do...’

As soon as Carie got home, she brought the cordless phone up to her room and began dialing.

“ Hello? Yes, it’s me, silly. Why didn’t I call you earlier? I was busy. Speaking of which, I need you to round up the rest of our group, because I have a favor to ask...”