A/N: I would like to clear up the fact that Sade is not a sexist pig. He in fact murders men and some clients either order him to fuck or BE fucked by men. It’s all the same to Sade. He thinks it’s worse for them if they are tricked into doing something they liked or something taboo before they are torched and no amount of fun that they could ever have had will be enough to counteract the pain.

Chapter 2: The Unloved Masochistic Doll

masochist

1. n : someone who obtains pleasure from receiving punishment antsadist

2. n : an individual who is given to masochism

masochism

1. n : The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused. ant: sadism

2. n : The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself. ant: sadism

3. n : A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences. ant: sadism

The cute doll is what everyone calls me. Ignorant to how I’m an innocent Gothic Lolita doll. They can rant about how much they love me. When it’s time for them to prove it, they’re gone. All of a sudden they cease to exist. For comfort I turn to knives, well at first it was just knives. I’ve moved on into more areas of inflicting pain on myself. The unloved masochistic doll. That’s me. The Elegant Gothic Lolita.

My alarm went off this morning. It was Friday and almost the weekend. Not really something I look forward to. The reason? I have nothing to do. It’s just the same Friday as always. I go about my day unnoticed. The world doesn’t give a flying fuck about me. How did I come to be one of those good for nothing futureless teens? As with most people it’s traced back to my childhood. Could it have been jealousy for my lovely, spoiled rotten, homosexual brother of mine? Was it his fault? Did he do this to me and get away with it as he has with everything else? Be the judge as we look into my early childhood. From when I was born... My parents. Richard and Sabine Schreient. For half my life I was raised with them and my “other” parents. Along with my older brother Bale. My parents are in some four way love triangle (or square) that started out in their college years and is still continuing through my miserable life. When my parents got married they had me. When Bale’s got married they had him. For half of both our life all six of us lived together. Then our parents divorced and swapped lovers. Then they each gave birth to two kids who could be mistaken as identical twins. They were murdered last year though at the ages of 8. It was hard for me to replace my joy with any form of remorse at all. What can I say? I could’ve care less for them and was overcome with joy.

Maybe to give myself a clearer view of how this all happened maybe I should try and remember Bale’s life first. Ah, yes born a little before me. It is said that when parents give birth to a knew child they usually focus on that one more. Sure wish that was true for me. The fag got ( Faggot... No pun intended.) everything in gold from when he was a baby in his diamond filled crib. I? Stuffed bear. Did I care as early as then? Nein! It was all I really needed, that, and the love I never received. He was the school bully and still is. Me? People don’t notice me to even consider teasing me? Is that a good thing, to just move through the world like a ghost moving through a desert plain? I’m sometimes counted absent because even my teachers are oblivious to my existence, and don’t know whether I’m there or not. Sometimes they ask me if I’m in the right place because they forget whether I’m even in their classes.

When it comes to grades (if my teachers remember to grade my work at all) I have straight A’s. Unlike my mind regressing brother Bale who seems to get worse and pampered more and more. He skips class all the time but even teachers are afraid of his deadly temper. He is just an animal. He’s an amazing boxer I’ll just give that to him. One hit and the child’s in a coma for life. A sport taken up since probably first or second grade. Our parents who are genius doctors and know just about everything in the medical field saw he needed to vent his anger. Sad how they can see all that in him yet leave me be. All they do is provide me with clothes which they don’t mind getting from this store called Moi-meme-Moitie. It’s a store that has clothes designed by the greatest Japanese guitarist ever, Mana. Former member of Malice Mizer and now a member Moi dix Mois. He’s the only guy for me, a sweet transvestite. They think I look just like a porcelain doll or whatever it is they are made out of. Those creepy ones that doll collectors can stock their rooms with. There’s probably only one difference between me and them. I wear dark colors and they get more love.

My brother on the other hand wears different types of suites. Mostly dark colors like black. A color he is undeserving of. It’s ridiculous how my parents ignore me. Yet they do whatever Bale says when he snaps his finger and curses at them. That has been going on for my entire life. Since I was an infant and now at this cursed age of 15 where I can’t do jack shit. With such a life like that, why would I be depressed? Why would it matter if I have a spoiled brother? Well the truth is my parents had this love hate thing going on with Bale. They loved him so much they would never hurt him but hated the way he turned out. The loved how perfect he was but hated the way he treated and acted towards them. What do you think they do? Perform sick medical experiments with me. Cut me open stitch me back up. Day after day of this to the point when they said screw medical research lets play “Operation” on that brat we raised. My kindergarten teacher realized I was being abused but not how sickly it was being done. They called authorities and had it looked into. The found medical journal tapes of me being operated on. My parents immediately wired Money to Japan and hauled ass over there with me and Bale.

We’ve got a large house and were enrolled in private schools. Bale met friends quickly. Strong tough guy wannabe. People who he played “games” with in his room. Feeling them up and kissing them. When he got more developed so did his games. I knew about it, and ignored it. My parents had their suspicions but thought Bale was just too perfect to be like that. What close-minded sons of bitches they were. When he was finally confronted about it due to moaning noises in his room he said he was practicing for the wrestling team, which to make it plausible he became the captain for. Never again was his sexuality questioned. He did just about ever boy in his elementary school. For a bigger lot of preys he asked to be transferred to an all boys middle school. Without questions he was enrolled. He either befriended people into doing things with him or bullied them in unimaginable ways to get what he wanted. While he was kissing boys as a child I was kissing steel, playing with knives.

My body had become almost dependant on being cut up. So I had to do it to myself a lot. Well it actually started out as me trying to combat the pain with more pain. I figured I ought to have build up a resistance. That’s exactly what I did. I used drugs at first to daze myself but I kept focus at all times. It was strange how that’s possible after snorting small doses of cocaine in third grade. Never the less it worked. My parents realized I stopped crying during experiments so then they started using less and less anaesthesia. So I stopped using drugs to become fully conscious when they did it. Eventually they started burning me with flames and acids. So I had to use those on myself too. Finally they got bored and just did it on occasions when Bale really pissed them off. That’s about when my body was dependant on mass inflictions of pain to survive.

“That fucker,” Mrs. Schreient said in a frustrated tone while slamming her hand down on the table. Sheets of paper everywhere. The sun was just rising on a rather wet Wednesday morning. Sky orange, and moist outside with puddles in occasional spots. The window was dripping tiny beads of water and the rest of it was covered in fog. “Honey!” replied a timid voice, “look at your hand!” The woman glanced at her hand and noticed that a letter opener, a replicate of a sakabatou, was jammed pretty deep in her palm. Squeezing her eyes trying to calm herself in vein she yelled out, “See? Look what your homosexual son has gone and done to me. I’m so frustrated at him for being a smart ass I didn’t even notice that this damned letter opener is in my hand.”Sweating nervously and staring at the floor Mr. Shwarz stood silence. “First our son getting expelled from his third school and now I’m behind on my stupid report. I have to get it done and there are no parents willing to sign over their child to be cut open?” Only silence from the stiff man. “Maybe, Should I cut your brat open? I know for a fact it’ll sure relieve a lot of my anger.” Silence. “Answer now or forever hold your piece,” the angry redhead screamed at her husband. “May I come in mother, father?” Bale asked knocking on the door quite softly. He heard everything. Casually he just entered the room, regardless at his mothers state.

“What do you want?” she asked, grabbing the glasses that had just falling of her nose and throwing it at him with all her strength at her step son’s face. The glasses were a silver metal frame and sharp around the edges and hit him right above his left eye. Blood started to pour around the glass which were still lodged in his head.”Mother,” Bale began to speak as his the glass flew out of his face back into his mothers hand. “What’s this talk of cutting me open? Don’t you love me?”

Meanwhile Mr. Schwarz completely changed, he now was standing up straight with a mischievous smile stretched across his face. Bale, walking with his arms outstretched to his mom wanting to embrace her,”Mom?” Some unknown force came over her, nothing unnatural. It was still her freewill, just strange that she should feel such love for someone she was ready kill seconds before. “Bale,” she said walking over to accept his hug. “I still love you, forever.” A warm embrace it was, an emotional one too, such for tears to be welling up both mother and son’s eyes. “Just as I’ve promised.” With that the tears from the two finally flowed freely.

After a few minutes the woman let go and brushed off her coat. Go, go you don’t want to be late for your first day of school. Bale got up and using his shirt sleeve he wiped the tears away from his face and walked out of the room. As the door closed, “Who’s brat is it? To controlled like that by an kindergartner. It’s sickening woman!” “Shove it,” she replied getting back into her state of bitchy-ness. “Look, you still need an experiment right? Why don’t you use your brat?” “What how dare you!” startled he’d suggest something like that. “What? You don’t want her?”He asked with a smile on his face. “Of course not!” she replied in shock. “That’s too bad she’s in our lab down in the basement drugged and strapped to the table.” Mr. Schwarz replied calmly and a smile still on his face. “Tell me your kidding.” she said gasping hoping it to be a lie.”Nein, I drugged her cereal. She’s downstairs. I ‘m as frustrated as you are at Bale. All four of us need this project done, we also to need to release some built up anger. Phillip and Elise are down there waiting for us.

My favorite thing to do was rip a chunk of flesh from either my arm or my leg and hold it over a candle and get intoxicated by the fumes of my own burning flesh. My body is now just one massive scar covered piece of shit. It wouldn’t be that bad if I were fat and that’s all I was burning but I’m sickly underweight. Now on a daily basis I have to wrap myself from toe to neck in bandages like a fucking mummy. Each day when I change my bandages I get to take a good look at how distorted my flesh really is. To think people’s parents complain of tattoos and piercing themselves.

I’ve always wanted to tattoo myself. Seeing how it would feel to tattoo raw flesh. God it must hurt like a bitch, I’d sure as hell love to do it. Why don’t I? Hmm... So that’s me huh? Is it Bale’s fault? Did he drive my parents to do this to me or am I just like this on my own? Am spoiled and ignorant.

“Stupid bitch!” Bale mumbled to himself as he went upstairs to change his jacket. “That psycho, groupie, cocaine crazy, whore put her bloody palm on me and smeared it all over my jacket.” When Richard and Sabine went into there basement a female, blonde, child was there lying on an operation table nude, her undeveloped breast exposed. A female wearing surgical attire hand a scalpel to Sabine. “The first cut is yours Sabine,” said a man wearing something similar to the woman. And without second thought Sabine grabbed the scalpel and started to cut along the lines that were marked on her own daughters abdomen.

Regardless I’m going to be late for school, not like that matters at all. Put on bandages, take time to get into an elaborate Lolita costume, head down stairs, screw breakfast. I got to school just as the gates were being open, as usual. Before the bell rings I usually go around staying to where ever is the least lit. I just stay like this in one place reading any vampire novel I can get my hands on or just rereading any Anne Rice book. When the bell rings I just move on to my first class. I wish I could remember what that school day was like but I slept through all my classes having been up the previous night in another one of my parents surgery. It’s funny how they paralyze me and peel off my bandages and have never said one thing about why my skin is like that. They must know that their experiments alone couldn’t have done such damages. After school I had my chauffeur take me home so I could put my book bags back in my room and get dressed.. I decided to take a bath, Just like I do every day I had to deal with staring down at my scars. When I was fully nude I turned on the hotter water all the way setting my bath. By the time the bath was ready the tub was soft and had expanded due to the immense heat. A couple gallons of ice would melt on contact with water the hot. The water wasn’t even steam anymore it was just completely boiling. I stepped in it and jt to me was the most relaxing thing in the world. Heat. I soaked in it and cleansed my self for a half an hour or so. I stepped out into the air which was freezing in comparison to the deathly hot water. I dried my self thoroughly and painstakingly re-wrapped myself in my gauzes.

When that was done I had to deal with the trouble of putting on one of elaborate Gothic Lolita outfits. Doing that took up an hour which is what I was aiming for. I needed to kill some time before I left because the club didn’t open until 11. Finally I got my chauffeur to take me to my destination. Even though I still had 7 hours to waste. It didn’t matter the town the club was located in was about a five hour drive across most of Japan. It would leave me two hours to walk across the city. A lovely city it was though. Inhabited by rockers. People I could get along with. People who noticed me. Not my friends just, just people who knew me. It’s dark, rundown, and creepy but not infested with the worst kind of cockroaches. Cockroaches only known as rappers. When I got to the city, I got out of the Ferrari, which my parents imported and allow me to use as my vehicle. I walked across the city with plenty of time to view the various shops.

After my walk I snuck into my favorite club which played primarily Industrial, New Age, Goth, and Metal. Everything they played was mostly in English and a few German songs so I am grateful my parents had forced me to take English. I was the first in line and I still had plenty of time before the doors opened. I could hear the music already playing. It was a song from my favorite band Disturbed. Darkness, a nice song played using pianos, acoustic guitars, other various instruments, and the sweet vocals of David Draiman. It was enough to keep me content while I waited.

I waited, and waited, and waited. Patiently I stood there. No anxiety, just calmness. Calmness brought to me by the music. Finally, just as the song was ending the bouncer opened the doors and in I went. Or at least that was supposed to happen. I forgot I was underage and had to use the back entrance. I quickly went around the back and picked the lock. Nobody noticed me as I walked back stage and out to the bar. The music shifted to a Dir en Grey song. One whose title I wasn’t familiar with. Macabre, I know for a fact that it is the fifth song on their album Macabre. A song a like very much. This was my atmosphere. Good music, people similar to me. That’s basically all I like about club “Nosferatu.” There were really hot guys there too. Those I knew for a fact I had no chance with me. In my opinion all the hot Asians of Japan were all located in this single location. It’s heartbreaking to be so close yet so far away from these beauties.

The song was coming to an end and the now already filled club was chanting “Dir en Grey” hoping to get another song to play from the DJ. Their wish was granted as the next song on their album Macabre came into play. Track 6, a slightly more soft and in my opinion very romantic song. With such a melody and Kyo’s voice I felt as if I were floating in lukewarm blood. I would have stayed in this state till the very end of the song if it weren’t for a tapping on my shoulder. At first barely noticeable because of my trance like state. As I came out of it I looked up to see one of the most gorgeous Asian men ever. He was in his early twenty’s. Short, blonde, soft, yet fluffy hair. Wearing revealing, tight, black leather that just showed how much of a thin yet clearly muscled body he had; I was dazed.. The room temperature seemed to have intensified. It was a strange and strongly overwhelming feeling, such I have never felt before.

What was he doing staring down at me? Was I in his seat. Did I clearly look too young? Shocked, fearful, and confused I looked up at him and bluntly asked, “What is it?” His facial expression clearly said he was taken back by such a direct question. While taking a seat right next to me, in a bold and very masculine voice he asked, “Miss, would you like a drinking?”

Again the music shifted, now it was Aerials from System Of A Down. Maybe it was the music, maybe I was thirsty, or maybe it was the guy. I accepted, “Sure why not, you know anything good?” ‘We are the ones that wanna choose, always wanna to play but you never wanna lose.’ I heard the music, the speakers were close but the noise seemed so distant. It became more so the more I got focused on this man. Not so much that I couldn’t hear the next song come on; Touched by VAST (Video Audio Sensory Theater) A song I loved a lot but started to lose focus on. I’m not sure if I was tired or if it was the fifth glass of liquor I had during those 10 minutes. The rest was impossible for me to remember being in the “state” I was...

All I remember was leaving the club. A few dialogues and off to his weekend penthouse he owned. He drove a slick, black, Austin Martin V12 Vanquish. Such a lovely car for an even lovelier man. Too fitting. I was so hammered I hadn’t thought of getting his name on till then. “Hey mister!” I said in a horribly slurred voice. He looked over while trying to keep one eye on the road and asked, “What is it darling?” It was said in such a charming and seductive tone that for some reason I was more aware of things. “We’ve spent so much time together and I haven’t gotten your name,” I said with a no longer slurred voice. Even I was amazed at how sober-like I became afer hearing his voice. “Klieg, It’s Klieg my sweet blonde Maria.” Without warning he turned on his car’s CD player and the speakers bursted with lovely song. For the third time that night I was listening to Dir en Grey. This time it was off there Vulgar album. It was track fifteen, or so the LCD said.

After a few more senseless and pretty much pointless conversation we arrived. The passenger door was opened by the valet and Klieg came around the other side and walked me in. The door man greeted him with great enthusiasm,”Hello there, Mr. Klieg!” Smiling and waving he replied, “Hello, Kunagi.” Making a short detour to the reception desk. Where two young females also greeted him with the friendliest of smiles. “Any letters for me?” With unison and a cheery voice they replied, “No sir, Mr. Klieg.” With that he led me straight to the elevator and using a key he opened a lock to a button that led us up to the 20th floor. When the elevator doors opened we where on the top of the building. Across from us and not too far was a house which appeared to take up and acre. Not only that but it was two floors. It was the most beautiful thing ever, a two floor house on the top of a building?

We walked across and to his front door. There he put his index finger on a fingerprint scanner. It was obviously verified because suddenly the doors opened with a rush of cold air flowing towards me. All I saw were candles, all lit. Not a single lamp was insight. There were modern appliances just no source of light besides a dozen candles. When we went inside music automatically started playing. I’m pretty sure it was a song from Apoptygma Berzerk called Spiritual Reality. While he was leading me towards the stairs I was looking at all the fine furniture he had. It was just as nicely decorated as my place, just in my opinion better taste because it had a touch of eeriness to it. Before I knew it I was in his bedroom.

I honestly don’t think anyone could ever imagine how awkward it was for me. I felt strange yet there was a certain calmness about me. It should’ve been awkward considering I’ve never slept with a guy before, touched a guy, been in a guy’s room (other than my brother’s), kissed a guy, been touched by a guy, been in a relationship with a guy. This was my first everything with a guy and it was happening way too fast. Taking all of that into consideration and the fact I was only 16; I wasn’t afraid of what was happening or going to happen, AT ALL.

This room was a lot less lit than the rest off the house. There were only a half a dozen or less candles some scented along with a few Incense. Ah, the sweet scent of Egyptian Musk. As he started coming towards me, An Honest Mistake by The Bravery started playing. Before I knew it we were both locked to each other in a tender and passionate kiss.

He seemed to have held a fire in his lips which he spread throughout my body. I came alive slowly but regretfully. Wether right or wrong it felt good. I wanted to pull back but I couldn’t. Something held me there, but it wasn’t just his strong arms around me. It was passion.

All those years I roughed my parents sick abuse paid off. I supposed this is what either makes so much people continue to live or so much commit suicide for a having a lack of, love. I’m happy I stayed alive for this one moment. A much better song came on, Burn by The Cure.

When it happened I don’t know but all of a sudden I realized I was lying down on the bed. It wasn’t until he started undressing me that I started to remember my sever scars. Quickly though I dismissed those thoughts because I hoped the dim lighting would prevent him from noticing. He unwrapped my bandages and gauzes. I looked down to see if he was shocked or if he had noticed them at all. To my complete surprise all of the scars that were there up to twelve hours ago were completely absent from my body.

I don’t know how it happened, I just knew they were gone but that shocked faded and was in a rush overcome by pain that wasn’t pain. Yes, it did hurt but I didn’t mind it. My chest was stinging, it felt as if my breast were ham sandwiched together between two pieces of bread, his body and mine. His fingers went in endless circles on my stomach and made me question how many people he’s done this to, at that moment I could’ve cared less. It wasn’t until he was fondling my breasts that I actually felt like an object being used for his enjoyment. It was happening all over again, the abuse coming to mind; I was afraid. He must of seen my face because he stopped and gave me a huge seducing smile. And as that smile crept across his face a Alone I break by KoRn came blaring around from the speakers that surrounded the room.

‘Pick me up, been bleeding too long, right here right now I’ll stop some how.’ I heard him fumbling under his jeans. When his hands came out they held a thin metal stick. He took the cold, metal, stick and slid it into me. The cold metal rush I felt and hated soon warmed my body. I tensed up and couldn’t help it. It was painful even though the stick was now warm. I could feel him trying to force it in more. Then he gave up and took it out quickly. I let out a sigh of relief. It felt like I was being suffocated those few short seconds it was in me. He himself gave out a quiet sigh also.

“Aye, you have to relax,” he said in a playful adult way. “What the hell was that?” was the only reply I could give. “It’s just to see how much space you have in there, so that way it won’t hurt as much,” he said calmly and still in a playful tone. “Here, I can help you relax.” His head soon disappeared between my legs. He spread the doorway to the inside of me open and gorged his tongue into me and flippantly, his tongue like a dance moved around swiftly. Nearly half of my body went numb. It felt like a boat gliding over air. After he felt I was satisfied and relaxed, he stuck in the metal rod which went in with ease. It went in so far I could no longer feel it inside of me. It was just so far in I began to fear it might not come out. He easily stuck two fingers in and pulled the metal out. The metal was covered in blood, not the blood of my hymen breaking. It was another wall. One that was sensitive enough to bleed but with no nerve endings. My hymen was already broken by my parents inserting medical instruments in there for unnecessary testings.

“Goddamn, your deep,” I heard him mumble. Then with a playful smile I asked, “Is that bad?” His face was covered with the hugest smile when he replied, “Not at all.” His body hovered over mine as his started trying to insert his prick into me. My hole was too small and the process of inserting it was a long and painful one, yet I was being assured that it was all worth it. After many painful tries, I finally stretched enough for him. He was happy, I don’t know what it was but I could tell, maybe it was the way his penis throbbed and enlarged. I felt physically uncomfortable, there was no pain I just felt comfortable. It’s like eating soup with a fork, it’s just not natural. He started to take his hip and move them back in a fast vibrating motion. He didn’t even take the time to steadily increase his pace, it was pure hardcore.

The pathway to the inside of me was stretched so wide it stayed open. Even when he removed his “thing.” His penis was now able to come and go as it pleased with having to force it’s way in again. At first it was naturally scary but now I’m glad I gave in to his desires and mine. This is a workout that you kind of enjoy. This feeling of some outside presence coming into my body was just exhilarating. The thought of having someone else inside of me just turned me on even more. I felt his skinny hips bashing into my inner thighs. I was greedy, arching forward hoping to get more. Just as I was wanting more he pulled out. I was very disappointed but their was relieving sensation as his penis left my body. I don’t why it had to end so soon, I mean I was just getting the hang of it.

I look to see why he had pulled out, and there he was ejaculating above my entrance. Before I knew it, the creamy white and very warm substance known as sperm was on me. He again hovered over and gave me another kiss. It was much like the one we shared earlier but this one was stronger and made me fell better. Just then I realized that Engel by Rammstein was playing. How sweet, a German song, about angels, for a German devil who lost her virginity.

While I was staring at the puddle of semen on me I didn’t notice him reaching to the side of the bed for two wine glass and a sharp razor. And that whole mode of losing my virginity was completely shifted to something I enjoyed more. The song Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter came on. I song clearly about suicide and couldn’t have fit what was going to happen next anymore. He asked me for my arm which. He held it firmly over the glass and slid the razor over my flesh. Something that most people flinch at. But to me it was still better than sex. He then took his own wrist and slit it, letting the blood drip and almost fill the other cup. He then took a sip of the glass which contained my blood. Handing me the glass with his blood I sipped it. Then he took it back and proceeded to mix the blood together. After they were mixed and separated equally into two cups he handed me bank one. We were both too exhausted to start a conversation.

After finishing the glass my eyes gave out and I just fell into one of deepest and most peaceful dreams ever experienced. I was satisfied. I had experienced the one thing besides pain in my life I liked.

The next thing I knew was slightly brighter lighting than the candle, and the noise of cars in the not too far distance, and St. Anger by Metallica playing next to me but fainter than the music had been last night. Also I was surrounded by an unbearable stench. Like, like garbage. I slowly came out of my sleep state. I was behind the club. I was in the alley way. The entrance I used to sneak into that club. I looked to see if I was naked. I wasn’t thankfully. I was bandaged just as how I had been the previous night. Painstakingly done the way I always did it. All my valuables lying next to me, save for my clothes. I checked to see if my kidneys were still there. Yes, both of them left intact. Okay, so I slept with a stranger last taking my virginity, I get dumped behind the club he picked me up at, and I am left with everything except for my clothes. Maybe he had some weird fetish. Or maybe he saw my scars, Most likely though, I was used and thrown aside. He had no real feelings for me. I expected this, I knew it was true. It was just plain old inevitable. I deserved it for thinking differently.

There was nothing else to do but pull out my black LG flip phone and call my driver to come and pick me up. Without question he said he would. So I just sat there in the alley I had been dropped off in and waited. That’s all I did for five hours. It wasn’t so bad because inside the club they were playing yet more Dir en Grey music. It was closed but they were just cleaning up. I reached in my purse and felt something sharp. It was like a paper cut. I grabbed at what had done that and pulled out exactly what I was looking for. A razor blade. My number one past time.

For five hours I sat there cutting my self for the sake of passing the time. ‘I don’t believe I was such an asshole. I don’t believe I was such a stain. I just keep fucking up again and again.

I don’t believe, I don’t believe that I could be so stupid, so naive.’- Don’t Believe by Stabbing Westward I can’t believe I got tricked like that. He was hot and I was me. It was so obvious but it was the first time anything like that had happened. A guy approaching me. It was such a shock I didn’t bother to think, at all.

A few hundred swipes of the razor and five hours passed. Kunagi was right on time. I slowly got up and walked over to the car. His was face was clearly shocked that my clothes were gone. It was easy to tell that he was contemplating whether or not to question me. Without warning he did so. “Madame, your clothes? There are gone!” I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster up. “NO, fucking shit sherlock. I thought they were crappy so I discarded them. I realized there were too many rips and holes in it for me to wear.

“As you say Miss,” he said closing the door gently and eyeing me very awkwardly. He went around and got into the drivers seat. He took the time to adjust the rear view mirror, which didn’t need any adjusting. I knew that was awkward but I didn’t think much of it. I looked at and could tell it was focusing directly me but I rest my hands on my lap and stared out the window. Finally he sped off towards my home. He occasionally glanced back at me in the rear view mirror. Soon it was happening almost every minute, and soon after that it was happening every few seconds. It was at the point where we almost met into six accidents. Again I thought nothing much of it. We had finally left the city and we were passing a rural area. He stopped the car and pulled over. Looking at him to see what I was wrong. I finally realized what that luck on his face was. It was unmistakably the look of lust.

He quickly jumped out of the drivers and before I knew it he was in the backseat with me. I could the see the reflection in his eyes. It was my breast that threw him over the edge. The way I wrapped my self was so that it was skin tight, my bandages were my seconds skin. It showed my breast perfectly. You could easily make out all my body features including my nipples from the way I wrapped my self. I guess for the second time within twenty-four hours it was my fault. I wasn’t resisting though. As said before it was the only thing I enjoyed besides my number one friend, the knives. He used his keys to cut away the bandage at the crotch area exposing my small bush and already soaking cunt. Without wasting time he dropped his pants stuck his large, throbbing, erect penis into me. There was no difficulty this time. It just slid right into me. I closed my eyes, and dug my nails into his shoulders, and started moving my hips violently towards him.

He thrust his hand towards what had made him this way in the first place. My full breast. He was holding my firm C cup breast in his hands while he was plowing me harder and harder. Because this car was a sedan it allowed him the room to grab and flip me over into what is commonly called the “doggy-style” position which allowed his thrusts to be harder and faster. Last night I barely moaned but now I couldn’t stop myself from screaming with delight.

There was no love in it this time. It was as hardcore on a teen as it could’ve been. I could feel my vagina go sore and numb from the amount of friction that was being generate but I was still hoping for, and getting more. Astonishingly his pace quickened even more and his thrust became harder. Finally with three more hard thrust he pulled out and quickly pulled my face towards his penis. He squeezed my jaw forcing my mouth to open and as soon as it did he shoved it right in. Right in time too, because as soon as it entered my mouth, the same type of substance that was on my stomach last night was now oozing out of my mouth. I couldn’t tell you what kind of taste it had because as soon as it shot into my mouth I gulped it down. All of it not letting the tiniest droplets get away from me. Just like last night that was the end of that story.

He pulled up his pants got out of the car and walked back to the front and hoped in thedrivers seat and this time sped off directly to my house taking only one more look at my breast. I wasn’t quite satisfied so I decided to masturbate in the back seat, while he was watching for a little bit with a smile so big all of his teeth were showing.

He turned on the CD player because we both knew the car ride was going to be a longand silent one. Also he knew we both wouldn’t bare it so the music was the solution. And forsome reason a country song came on. Something I really hated but I didn’t bother to ask to change it. As much as I hated country though I recognized the song. It was a song called Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by some band called Big and Rich. So with crappy music playing the rest of the trip we made it back to my house. I quickly jumped out of the car and ran to my room so that no one could see me “naked.” The only person to catch a glimpse of me was my brother. And I caught a glimpse of him with a child that couldn’t have been pass the seventh grade, doing immoral things. Then again, who am I to talk about immoral acts?

As soon as reached my room I dashed in and closed the door, gently. When I was inside I quickly shed my bandages and set the bath. I looked down at myself and there were still no signs of scarring except the recent ones from this morning which were still damp with blood. I got in to the searing hot water. And just soaked in it and cleansed myself. While washing myself I started to think that it was wonderful that I have no mare scars. From then on I wouldn’t have to take so much time wrapping myself. After my usual thirty minute bath I got out and dried myself, and just as I was thinking I was rid of my scars, they were back. For some reason my legs carried me to my bed, stumbling, my knees were weak, and my stomach was sick.

When I finally made it to my bed, my legs gave way and collapsed at the foot of my bed. I would fallen on the floor if it were not for my elbows using the bed as support. I buried my face into the sheets and soaked them with tears. I never wanted these scars. I never wanted my parents to abuse me. The only way I could save myself from pain was to get used to it and scar my self in such horrible ways. To think that they were gone. Was I hallucinating? No, they were gone, temporarily. I was happy, my body was the way it should have been if not for what was done to me on an almost regular basis. To think there I was crying over my scars when I had lost me virginity to some stranger and had been semi-raped by my chauffeur. But I was. I just always wanted by body to be normal and I was unbelievably thrilled the short time they were gone. Now I’m back to my regular disfigured, Frankenstein body. I take that back, even he was better off.

Even though it was only seven in the evening I passed out. It was just one of those time when you get so upset you go into your room regardless of the time and just helplessly cry yourself to sleep. If you don’t know the feeling which I speak then your lucky. But there I was. I slept that entire night undisturbed and didn’t wake till the next day around 1:00 in the afternoon.

I awoke to the sound of my brother blasting his speakers with the only thing we had in common. Our favorite band Disturbed. Needless to say it was a very pleasing way to wake up from such a miserable way to fall asleep. The song was one of my favorite, It’s called Glass Shatters. It was a little song they did for some wrestler but I could care less since I think wrestling is a load of shit. I wrapped myself in my bandages, now forced to since their back. I went downstairs to have some cereal. As I passed my brothers room, regardless of how loud the music was his little “friend” was fast asleep with my brother cuddling him. Poor kid I thought as I continued downstairs to the kitchen. When I entered the kitchen I froze, all four of my parents were there. Just standing. I wanted to run but I just don’t “do” that. It was shocking that they were all home, at the same time, it’s a Sunday, of course they were. What was shocking was that it was all four of them together. I knew right away that they were waiting for me.

“Fuck it.” ‘I’ lead them down to the basement. I turned on the lights and right before I closed the door behind me, though it was a large house I could hear a techno re-mix for Disturbed’s “Stupify” playing all the way in my brothers room. I then laid my self down on the table for them to do as the pleased. They began by unwrapping their “present” laid out for them.

They then inserted a plain old vibrator inside me. This was a first but I was already used to something of that size unbeknownst to them. Next the heated a pair of pliers to all most melting point and clamped them to my nipples. After that they did their usual of dipping a knife into a container of one of the most strongest kinds of acids and used that to make a cross shaped incision below my sternum. Where they just poked around with my internal organs. Through this whole experience I laid calm just waiting. I showed them no pain but it didn’t matter to them. They were having their fun. I was having yet another rest. I could basically read a book through their surgeries. That’s how used to it I am. Finally after having their fill of fun for three hours my abdomen was stitched back up.

After that I casually got up and headed back up to have that cereal I was planning on. Just like that, no second thoughts. I had a nice bowl of Coco Puffs, and headed to my room Where I turned on my speakers, and started blasting King of Fools by Edguy to counteract my brother listening to Awake by Godsmack. He was now alone, his poor little whore must have had to go home. I decided to just take a bath and pull out a manga and read for the rest of that day. That was my weekend. Some new feelings were experienced but other than that it couldn’t have been more normal. Finding out my brother sleeped with a guy, crying myself to sleep, and being abused by my two mommies and my two daddies. Yes, it was actually a good weekend.

Until 10:00 pm that day I read myself to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be yet a whole new experience for me. I was being transferred to a new school. Who knows, my first friends every could be waiting for me there. I can only hope but, knowing things I must NOT expect that to happen. I fell asleep to my music playing softly in the background. Open Your Eyes by the Guano Apes.

The next morning my alarm woke me up and I went through the usual routine. Got dressed, etc. The only difference was that when I headed out the doors I would have a different destination. Hidetada High, I’ve heard it’s not a bad school, but when I get there I only have one priority. I have to find as much places as possible where I can constantly be alone. Dark corners which barely ever sees light. I had got there when there was just about nobody there. I quickly explored it finding out everything I need to know. I had time to greet my teachers and say that I was to be joining their classes, even though they’re going to forget me.

Walking around I started realized I was being stared at. I carefully turned to see who the hell would even bother to turn there heads just to look at me. This person though, had the most gorgeous silver hair that just shined as a moon shines on a clear night.. His grey eyes, were piercing and that of a serial killer (dead on Maria, stay away!) but they were just beautiful to not gaze into. He seemed to be an eleventh grader. He was tall very slender and well built. He had almost the same sense of fashion as I did, except for guys. My heart pounded intensely. I know I had to move, he was trying to find out something about me. I wished myself and away, and I was gone. ( – notice anything strange there?)

I didn’t see him again until fifth period, apparently he’s in my same class. He had gotten held back when moving from France to Japan. I learned his name was Sade Marquise. He was French and had lived in Japan for only a few years. For the first time that day since meeting him something interesting happened. Some kid came running into the class handing my science teacher which bares a striking resemblance to “Bozo the Clown” some sort of note. The teacher asked Sade to go outside. He just sat there being a dead sexy Frenchman, he was refusing. The next thing I knew the principle had come running in. Asking the boy to leave the classroom.

After the principle explained something had happened to this boys father he said, “Please tell me that good for nothing pathetic excuse for a parent finally bit it.” The way his teacher and principal bowed their heads showed that he was right. Next this boy started to plead that he was right. The two adults were clueless to his joy and were trying to help him it was so funny that for possibly the first time in my life a let out a slight giggle. The experience of a first laugh was cut short by the teacher screaming, “Young lady in the back, CUT THAT OUT NOW!” I kept quiet a bit but the way the conversation continued was just too much. Finally after this guy burst into laughter at the thought of his father having friends was too much for me. Tactless maybe but I found it funny, and I don’t find things funny much less laugh that much. After Sade and I settled down he was escorted out of the class so he could go home and grieve, my ass. I need to find out where he lives because I know he’s throwing a party.

While Sade was escorted home I was escorted to the principles office. To think in my old school I never got in trouble and here I am on the first day of a new school already in trouble for laughing, again it’s something I rarely do. Either way I got lectured and that was that. I quickly rushed out of the office after that to try and track Sade down. I realized that he is someone I, for the first time in my life would actually want to get to know. And to chase after him showed how badly I wanted that. I wouldn’t have caught up with him it weren’t for him staggering down the hallway slowly laughing. That’s all I really had to follow, laughter.

While I was doing that, my brother’s weekend was a lot different. It began Friday on a morning. This is how it started, or so I understand.

My brother woke up to, Smells Like Teen Spirit playing pretty loud in his room, enough to have distracted me. He got up scratching his head with his hair blonde and Hitler styled. His arms searched around the side table for his glasses. He got into the shower and didn’t really concentrate on cleaning himself. Instead he masturbated to a sweet little seventh grader he met the other day on a stroll. The child was 13, athletic, pretty popular, he had light brown hair in a mushroom. His eyes were the sweetest Asian eyes and he smile was bright and wide. With a name like Suichi, he was bound to be a cute one.

Bale pictured undressing the boy from a soccer uniform. Taking off his shirt from behind to show his slim, tanned body. Giving the young teen what he was sure to be his first kiss. Next Bale slid off his shorts leaving the boy in only boxers. Through the boxers it was easily seen is penis was erect, which were now firmly held by Bale’s strong yet soft hands. Bale started masturbating. The pleasure made the boy squirm in delight. Finally, the boy came and his sperm was all on Bale’s palm. He bent him over and use the perm as a lubricant. With his penis fully erect Bale slid it in slowly trying to make Suichi feel as comfortable as possible.

Finally, Bale was all the way in and he started to come out slowly, then again he pushed it in slowly and took it out slowly repeating this process. The boy was shivering in slight pain so Bale pushed in as far as possible and stayed in there till Suichi was a little used to it being in there.

When Bale could tell he was calm he started to pump in and out at slow steady pace, stretching the boys anus. Realizing Suichi was starting to like it Bale anxiously picked up his pace. Now it was very intense and vigorous. The fact that he had gender bended yet another boy just turned Bale on. That fact that he was in Suichi, a young thirteen year old boy liking what Bale was dishing. The last thing pictured was him depositing his sperm up the young child’s ass.

Bale opened his eyes and looked down at his hands soaked in his own semen. He let the shower wash off. Bale then stepped out of the shower and dried himself thinking that, that fantasy will become a reality by the end of the weekend. He headed over to his closet to pull out a suit to wear. Reaching in he pulled out his favorite. A nice very light, yet dull yellow pants and jacket. Underneath that he was going to wear a grey shirt with a dark red tie. All of which were Armani. Most people would look like a fool attending school dressed like that, but Bale was just special enough to pull it off. He slipped on his shoes, put his Rolex on and as a finishing touch put on a pair of white leather gloves. About then he was starting to smell the steak and eggs his lovely parents took the time of preparing for him. He went out of the room turning off his stereo which was in the middle of playing Bullet With Butterfly Wings (World Is A Vampire) by Smashing Pumpkins. He srtolled down the stairs like some big shot, which he basically was. He headed for the kitchen and was there for a short time before leaving, his plate was spotless. It’s pretty disgusting watching someone put a stake and two eggs away that fast.

After that he ran outside and jumped into his car and ordered his chauffeur to drive. He leaned forward and turned on the CD player and Redeemer by The Vampire Lestat, (Marilyn Manson) started playing. The car pulled up to the school early enough to leave Bale with a half an hour to socialize. As the he jumped out of the car he pulled out his trusty iPod mini. While putting the ear pods into his ear he pressed play, and Penetrate by Godhead came on. Just as he got them into his ears he was greeted by his annoying preppy friends. All of them he had sex with one time or the other. It’s amazing that you can go to an all male high-school and do EVERY single boy there. They all went walking around the halls talking about their senseless common interests. That went till the first bell rang warning them the had ten minutes, they all separated and parted ways to go off to their classes.

Quickly, Bale head for his own first period class and right before entering he quickly yanked out his headphones, and shut off his iPod which was currently playing Slept So Long by Lestat (Jay Gordon from Orgy). The teacher, just like all the rest of the students greeted him as if he were a GOD. To make a pointless story short, Bales is perfect in school. Everyone loves him, faculty included. He’s the perfect student. Perfect athlete. Everyone wants to be around him, they gather around to listen to his words as if he was some modern messiah come to liberate all their minds. I’m sure he would have girls with him too, but he has boys since it’s an all boy school. Boys are his fetish his sexual desire.

As perfect as he seems though, he has the worst temper. Little things set him off. And when he goes off he shows tremendous strength. Getting into one sided fist fights. Always blood, serious injuries, dislocated limb, broken bones, knock outs. Even though it’s something of a problem he made sure it he was the best at it. If he was going to hit someone when he’s pissed off, he’s going to make it spectacular. He just goes ballistic, spectacularly ballistic.

I don’t think everyone he comes across can just automatically like him. He has to be curving freewill, and freewill of hundreds it must be. Besides me I don’t think there is a soul that can stand to hate him. Maybe family is immune, like how odors are produced by males which used to attract people to each other, never family though.

Either ways it being a pointless story the school day we t on much like his first class, he attends it, does his work, charms EVERYONE.

After school he ran over to the middle school, to see this boy. That’s all he had done before, seen him. Admired him, lusted for him. More than his first fetish, violence. Coincidentally that’s what was playing in his iPod at the time. Violence Fetish by Disturbed. Anyways, after the short walk he made it there and realized they get out later. Conveniently there was a little shop across the street so he ran over and got Strawberry Pocky, and a cold bottle of Lychee Ramune. He headed back to the school and found a bench where he patiently waited at. A virtue which he does not have. Bu he did have Numb from Disturbed to listen to.

While blasting his ears with Disturbed’s The Sickness album he was startled at the horde of tweens (Shoot me for using that word.) running in a frenzy because of the weekend. Bale scanned each and every student for his prize Suichi. After what was the whole school came storming out, there he was. To Bale, he looked like a glowing angel, radiant. Then on either side of him for his friends. One side had a lovely red headed girl (if only he weren’t gay she’d be raped.) And the other side a taller also handsome boy (but not close to Suichi.) The only thing Baled admired about his little friend was the Trowa hair style he sported. Bale like the sickest of stalkers watched Suichi and his friends cross the street, and just walked. He tailed them, casually. Listening to Want by Disturbed. He soon realized that they were headed to the arcade to play the hot new Initial D game.

That was made obvious by the fan girl type ranting all three of them were doing. Bale hadn’t been to the arcade in a while, though he was fond of them. He watched them as they went into the arcade. He saw two of game. Both were empty, but instead of making a move, he stayed behind to observe more. He watch as all his friends started to take turn playing and failing.

The failing part came to an end as Suichi played and quickly sped through the levels. A crowd started to gather around. They were amazed at him claiming track record for each level. The sound of him beating the came was the sound of dozens cheering him. Right after people wanted a piece him, trying to take him on. It started with his two friends who barely made it pass the first level. Then more and more people. Adults, children, he took them all on without hesitation. The look of dedication in his face as he played for hours, the crowd growing larger to watch as this teen beat everyone. It was hours of playing and he showed no signs of slowing down. Almost everyone in that super arcade had challenged him and he beat them. He still wanted more. So now it was Bale’s turn. Bale went, played, and conquered. It was the most brutal upset. It was over from before it began.

Suichi was in a bit of self denial, and so was the crowd, thinking it was a fluke. Seeing this he offered the sucker another game. The poor kid took it gratefully. But again he was crushed, after that Bale figured it would be best if he stayed out of the picture for a while now. Suichi’s friends were all gone by then and it was well into the night so Suichi figured it best to leave. He made his way pass the crowd who still showed great admiration in him. Bale resumed his stalker mode and headed after him.

It was barely a few blocks down on an empty and unlit street where he saw Suichi vanish. Bale ran after him, up to the spot and realized there was alley and at the end of it Suichi being beaten up by Yukuza wanna be. “This is what you get for beating us punk!” he heard one of them say. He saw them punch Suichi in the stomach, knock him on the floor and stomped on him repeatedly. Like a knight in shining armor Bale came to Suichi’s rescue, or that’s how Suichi saw it.

This was the most violent tantrum Bale ever displayed. Hitting an angel, his angel Suichi. Noone breaks anything that’s his! Without warning he put on a pair of spike brass knuckles and headed for a massacre. They heard his foots steps one turned and felt a sharp pain his stomach. Looking down he realized he had been penetrated. Bale forced his hand through the incision and grabbed his intestines. He wrapped them around the guys neck and held them like reins to support him from falling backwards. Then he lifted up his foot and kick the thug in chest ripping the intestines in half. He then turned to another guy that was charging at him with a large switchblade.

Bending the persons arm back, and up the jaw, he then ripped the arm off that still was clutching the knife and split the persons stomach in half, down the center Swiftly he turned around and ducked a blow thrown by another member. Bale then rose back up doing an uppercut to the persons balls and used the forced to throw him over him. The fall clearly broke his neck parts of his spine. The last two left wanted to run but were frozen. Relentlessly Bale punch one right in the jaw so hard it dislocated and detached itself from the face. With no jaw bale did a uppercut so hard it came through the persons skull. The last person he punched in the neck so hard with his brass knuckles that his head was instantly severed.

Not quite something a knight would’ve done but Suichi heart beat. He watched as Bale pulled at his handkerchief and wiped a few sweat drops from his face, all this with Chop Suey by System of a Down playing on his iPod.. Bale saw Suichi sitting their eyes wide with amazement, and a little blood splotched on his soft pink cheek. He stooped down and wiped it off gently. Holding his face he leaned in and gave Suichi a tender kiss, Suichi’s first kiss and most enjoyable experience. Bale pulled away and just held Suichi there. Bale held Suichi in his arms, he was now his, and just as Forest by System of a Down was playing too. ”Why can’t you see that you are my chi----ld.”

After a long embrace that only seemed like a second to them, they both separated and got up. Bale wouldn’t have his angel walk so he picked him up, carried him, and asked directions to his house. Bale with Suichi left the carnage he created behind with the love he found. The house was only several blocks away. After a walk, which both wanted to last longer they were there. When bale put Suichi down on his door steps he pulled out a pen and paper and instructed him to go to the address he was writing down.

Suichi, using what little experienced he gained from his first kissed, reached up and gave Bale one, this time it was better (with that little bit of experience? Nah.)one that was longer, more passionate, and enjoyed more from both sides.

A/N: Okay, well second chapter is finally done and with more pages written than the last! Next chapter I shoot for 20 pages. Wish me luck. Also I would like to point out that all the music is basically what was playing on my iTunes at the during the writing of this. All of it was to set the mood. Another words, think of it as the soundtrack to my story, Go out and buy it!!! (Not sold in stores VV) I am so sorry for taking so long. I had problems writing Maria’s first sex scene, and that took quite awhile. I am so happy the way it came out though. Also when I was on the 13th page I wrote all the way to about the 15th and then it was all lost!!! I felt disheartened and took a short break to regroup what I had written down (or as close to it as possible.) Now before I continue and write those 20 pages, I need to know whether or not I should. If I should, here is what to expect in my next chapter.

Next Chapter: “Killing Brings Friends Closer” (Again if disliked I am willing to change.) Liked the start of Bale’s relationship? That was only the start of his weekend. Want to see what happens when Maria stalks Sade home? Finally, Bale’s registration papers are finished and he’s ready to go to Hidetada High. The cast is assembled and together now. Bale learns of Sade and wants him but his sister Maria will do her best to make this the one person Bale doesn’t get. (WHAT ABOUT SUICHI?— Poor kid. TT) Read and see. (when it comes it, correction IF. You guys decide.) Don’t forget, Spooky powers soon. They’ll be killers, and ones armed to the teeth with an array of psychic-ish/elemental powers.

(SORRY FOR THE LONG PREVIEW AND A/N!!!)

PS: Don’t forget to R&R!!!