“ It is thy monster that hath poisoned me

Thy deviation doth hath seduced me to insanity”

My hours were bitter these days. Worse, I have not been myself lately, gloomy, strict, and careless. I don’t know how to place my finger on how this all started. The strange feeling of being watched, the cold empty feeling when I look in others’ eyes, the madness just out of reach…All because of a single person in my mind’s eye.

Though my friends don’t know how it is in my thoughts, only I know. Me and a personality borne from hate, one that I never knew lived inside me until the last moment. I do sound crazy don’t I? I refuse to believe of such despicable truth. After all, it certainly ISN’T my fault! Not at all! It was an innocent liking towards me, perhaps admiration as she admits quietly in the halls.

I pass her everyday, at first unfazed by the quick glimpses of her fluttering lashes, pretending to be unaware of the hints her friends give me. But lately it has been getting worse. Her shadow frightened me; those eyes penetrated my cool demeanor, her critical stares and devilish smiles. I couldn’t understand how I had a need to run away from her, to rid of her essence that trailed me like a hungry wolf. She never spoke to me, only those nerve-wracking eyes hinted that there WAS more than what words could express. Communication between us was muted since her mouth was bound and my lips were stitched.

Everyday, I knew she waited for me, even if she tried to go against her desires, she deliberately chained her limbs on mine. Strange how I sensed fear in those shivering emotions, yet there was determination in them. A sense that seemed to bore corrosive touches on the soul. Her stares and quick looks buried deep within my mind and fear, too, gnawed at me. Just in weeks, my personality changed, a new image bubbling up to the surface.

Yes, I was a careless boy, but my pride kept me from saying it outloud. There was a dangerous concealment unseen; I can only feel its hazy grip. It was like a kiss from death surrounding those that was close to her, and there were a lot of those. From afar when even her guard was let down, I observed her scripts, an act. She was a talented actress, skilled in handling the strings of puppets, a puppet master. She handled each person well, dealt with problems that they couldn’t deal with themselves, truly a perfect art of manipulation.

Truly cryptic.

At times her fingers slipped from the strings and the pawns would sink to the stage, strings cut or loosened. I saw how she managed to tie new strings on the puppets, threads stronger and thicker. I watch this cycle happen monotonously, yet I never cared. Why should I care for something small?

Perhaps a barrier was laid upon me as I ignored her, hid away from her.

I couldn’t find a proper reason why I WAS running away from her. Maybe because I was the object of her attraction. Her friends mentioned ‘infatuated’ but I never grasped what that word meant. It must have meant something vile and such…

But even as I avoided her like a shadow on a dim wall, time was on her side. Time and luck it seemed. No sooner than I wished, I had gazed on her eyes again, contemplating and surprised. I was in no mood to see why for I have stopped caring at all. Her friend was the one who released me from my cocoon, I fancied she wanted to do the deed, not her friend. I began to laugh with them, indulge in a merry discussion of strange subjects. It was good for awhile, until everything turned Grey.

My vision started to blur as I did my daily things and go to daily places. I was always far off, secluded in my mind, not listening, not caring. My own comrades must have noticed and would ask me occasionally what was wrong but I brushed them off airily. Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer and act as if they weren’t there.

I was soon left behind on my work; too lazy to move a finger and just resulted on sitting on my desk quietly, sleeping my cares away. I was too numb, didn’t care whether someone cried, or was hurt, or felt bad. I myself didn’t feel anything at all; just this sensation that the world is consisted of nothing interesting and nothing else mattered.

Only I existed and refused to believe that there was another world but my own, a fantasy that slowly corrupted my mind. I believe it’s not self-admiration or perhaps vanity, but maybe I just didn’t care about anything at all. I didn’t care when someone complains that they failed a subject, or if they had broken up with their lover, or even of they are sick right now, hospitalized because of their serious injury internally or externally.

Because of these signs of a deviation created, I quickly tried to discard it from me. To cleanse myself, to rid the evil imprint. I covered my tracks well that it seemed I was back to normal, as if nothing happened and all those who saw my strange behaviour was just a mirage. Once or twice, I would accidentally slip and my shadow would come out, overruling a clear judgement. But my fear strengthened when I felt familiar eyes one me. Piercing eyes that came to the conclusion I wished she had never found out. Words were never needed since secrecy held the true meanings; there were no misunderstandings.

I was too careless and she saw glimpses of my monster! I had never realized until it was too late and my last action verified her suspicions. She was no different from me. WE both had monsters that was disgusting, crude, and horrifying that it silenced us to the bitter end. I had hid mine well and yet something had reacted deep within me to release my imprisoned dark half. It was her enigmatic eyes, a venomous mind that clawed at my defenses. It was she who had rattled my senses; afraid of anything that closely reminded me of her.

She had seduced me into a past I tried to forget. She had a sense that turned anything solid into translucent data, hers to analyze and twist by her will. I was blind and “clueless” as they would say but now I am fully aware of what she did to me just because of a strange liking towards me. Her deviation had called out to mine, both entwining, both reacting. It is her monster that had poisoned me, her deviation that had seduced me into insanity.

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Just a small story inspiredby Edgar Allan Poe. I love his writing style and when I was done reading some of his stuff, I decided to make a story kind of like his.

Although this story is somewhat true.