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Millie Robinson
by Laura Jean Giunta
It had begun to get warmer as the last week of March came toward an end, the sun blazing down on the trees outside, buds slowly forming on their branches, and that Monday was no exception. It was my senior year of high school and I had decided to hang around the band room after school that day as I often did; while the others would hastily rush out of the school as soon as the bell rang, I was usually too exhausted by the end of the day to scurry off along with the rest, and chose to linger about the band room and talk to Mr. Abraham, the band director of my old high school, and whoever else decided to stay around after.
That Monday, it was Millie Robinson, the most intellectual and well-versed student of the senior class. She was, perhaps, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. Her long flowing raven hair fell to the small of her back and shone like silk in the sunlight while her eyes shimmered like diamonds. Her complexion was fair and her body slim and well-toned. However, with her hair neatly tied back in a long braid, her eyes hidden behind thick black rimmed glassed, and conservative blouse and slacks covering her body, Millie went to great lengths to hide her own beauty, or that’s what I concluded at the least. At that moment, she stood over me, hands on her hips, reprimanding me matter-of-factly as I slouched in one of the band seats, feet up on another.
“You know what your problem is, Tristan?” Millie questioned. “You’re just too angry all the time.”
“I’m not angry,” I grumbled, kicking the chair my feet laid on.
Millie exhaled in exasperation. “Yes, you are, Tristan. You’re probably the angriest person I’ve ever met. And there really isn’t anything wrong with that if you don’t…flat line.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked with a scowl, shoving my chair back and standing up.
“I’ll tell you what I’m talking about: your future,” she remarked sensibly. “There’s no point in being angry just for the sake of being angry.” I was still puzzled and Millie chose to clarify. “What I mean is that it would be much more efficient if you used that anger as fuel to change the world. Otherwise, you just end up being a waste of space that complains a lot about other people who are simply complaining just as much as you are and not lifting a finger to change anything. You’ll become nothing more than a hypocrite that way.” I sighed and brushed her off with a wave of my hand. But Millie remained resilient and persisted on. “Take me, for example.”
“You?” I interrogated.
“Yes, me.” Her tone expressed some disdain for my condescending attitude and she folded her arms crossly to show her displeasure. “I’m going to change the world.”
“Again with this ‘changing the world’ bullshit.” I criticized her, rolling my eyes and slumping back into my seat. “You really think you’re going to make a difference in this world?”
“Yes, I do,” she stated confidently, lifting her chin high.
“The hell you are.” Millie simply rose her chin higher, defying my doubt. Sitting up straight, I studied her. “Well, then, tell me how,” I instructed smugly.
“I’m going to become a politician,” she explained. I burst into laughter. “And what’s so funny?”
“A politician?” I asked through my laughter.
“Yes. A politician,” she said indignantly.
“You do realize that politicians are considered the scum of the earth, don’t you?”
“Not all,” she argued.
“Yes, all.”
“Well, that’s what I’m going to change then.” She sat down then as I tried my best to hold back my snickers. “Besides, I’m going to be like the politicians of history. Like Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln-”
“All scum, probably,” I nonchalantly replied just to bust her chops. “History just likes to pretend differently.”
Millie scoffed. “You’re too pessimistic,” she stated, crossing her arms once more. “It’s people like you that cause society to fall to such a state.”
“‘Such a state?’ And what ‘state’ are we in, Millie?” I asked mockingly.
“A state that needs changing!” she declared, leaping to her feet. “A state that needs remedying by an honest politician.”
“Like you?”
“Like me. Well, in a few years, anyway.” I fell into a fit of chuckles again. Millie looked ready to strangle me.
“I’m sorry, Millie, but there’s a point where I draw a line with optimism,” I told her as my laughter died out.
“Oh, optimism?” she inquired coldly. “I didn’t think you had any.”
“Now who’s the angry one?”
“I told you: there’s nothing wrong with being angry if you use it right and don’t wallow in your misery like you constantly do.” A sly smile formed across her face. “It’s like what Thomas Paine said: ‘I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ’Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct will pursue his principles unto death.’”
“You memorized that?”
“Yes,” Millie answered, slightly defensive. “What of it?”
As I tried to hold back my laughter once more, my face turned slightly pink and I had no choice but to glance away from her. “Well, you must have a lot of time on your hands then.”
“What better to do with your time than to gain knowledge?” she questioned, and placed her hands firmly on her hips. She glared directly at me. “You won’t achieve anything through stupidity.”
“So you say,” I refuted, eyes narrowing crossly, not liking the implications she was making about me. Mr. Abraham, then entered the band room from his office. He was a short, plump man, with glasses, shaggy gray hair and a genuine smile.
“I’d listen to her, if I were you, Tristan,” Mr. Abraham called across the band room good-naturedly. “She’s going to Princeton. Isn’t that right, Millie?” A proud grin spread across Millie’s dignified face and she resolutely raised her head once more.
“You got accepted to Princeton?” I inquired curiously as I leaned forward.
“Not yet; but I’m going to,” she casually answered.
“Well, aren’t we cocky,” I remarked with a scowl.
“It’s not cockiness-it’s confidence. Something most people lack,” she spoke firmly, her certainty never faltering.
“So…you’re going to go to Princeton and then become a politician?” I asked, just to clarify.
“And then change the world.”
I snorted and pulled myself up from my seat with much effort. “You got it all figured out, don’t you?” My eyes resentfully stabbed into her own brazen ones and for a slight moment, Millie flinched with a strange fear. However, it was only for a moment, and she soon turned around with a flip of her long braid, casting her eyes to the other side of the room.
“You really could be something if you tried every once in awhile,” she said in a low, coarse voice, arms folded and head raised. I chose to say no more to the arrogant girl who stood before me, back turned and chin high in her own dignity; I was already thoroughly irritated by her reprimanding me and didn’t feel like being scolded any longer. Instead, I looked past her to Mr. Abraham. “Hey, Mr. A!” I called. “When you leaving?”
“In about fifteen minutes,” Mr. Abraham informed me.
“Well, I guess I should be going then.” Millie suddenly stated to no one in particular. “Good-bye, Mr. Abraham,” she said with a polite nod of her head. Then she brushed callously past me, shoving into me purposely, despite the fact that I was much bigger than she was. Then she marched out of the room.
I sighed elaborately, falling to my seat and kicking another of the scattered seats that had been pushed into disorder already by the fleeing students. “Can you believe that girl?”
Mr. Abraham chuckled as he walked over to me. His warm eyes twinkled. “Now, you know you shouldn’t be angry at Millie just because she has goals,” Mr. Abraham reasoned.
“It’s not that. I think I’m just jealous.” I then laughed in spite of myself. “Then again, who isn’t jealous of Millie Robinson!”
“She’s a smart girl who works hard and that’s all there is to it,” Mr. Abraham replied matter-of-factly. “You could be just as lucky if you wanted to be. But you already know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah…apply myself or whatever,” I mumbled sarcastically.
“She’s right, you know; you’re a very angry young man,” Mr. Abraham told me.
I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. “I know…I just can’t wait to get the hell out of here.”
“That’s what you say now.” Mr. Abraham turned and started walking back to his office to get his coat. “But once you’re gone, you’re gone for good.”
“Well…” I had a smart-aleck answer on the tip of my tongue, but I kept my mouth shut. Instead, I said, “Don’t worry about Millie. I’ll make it up to her tomorrow.”
With a smile, Mr. Abraham stopped in his step and turned back to me. “I wouldn’t expect anything less than that from you, Tristan. You may be an angry young man, but you’re not a mean one.”
I shrugged and looked away as I mumbled, “Yeah, whatever you say, Mr. A.” Then, sighing, I ran my hand through my hair, and said, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” and then left the band room.
She let out an awkward chuckle then and hastily calmed down. “I would, but then I wouldn’t be able to see, now would I?” she remarked, the uneasy expression turning into a pleasant smile as she placed them back on.
Joseph chuckled and then inquired, “What about your hair then? You ever think about taking it down? You’d look really beautiful if you’d do something with it other than wear it in a braid all the time.”
Millie shrugged as she placed a few books in her locker and pulled a few out. “It seems more practical to wear my hair this way; it keeps it out of my face.” She then closed her locker shut. “Goodbye, Joseph.”
“Wait, Millie!” Joseph protested.
“Yes, Joseph?“
“What are you doing tonight?“
“Studying,“ Millie frankly replied, turning from him.
“Studying,“ Joseph muttered with a scoff. “You’re always studying, Millie. I mean, what’s a pretty girl like you need to worry about studying for anyway? You should be having fun with a guy like me, not worrying about your stupid grades all the time.”
“I’m studying so I can get into Princeton,” she said with a glare. “And I’m not just some ‘pretty girl.’” With that, Millie began to walk away from him and down the hall. Joseph sighed, defeated, and plodded off in the other direction.
As soon as Millie passed me, I fell into step with her, saying, “Hey, Millie.”
“What do you want?” she asked flatly, continuing to look straight ahead.
“You know, Joe’s right about the glasses thing,” I began, “You could always wear contacts.”
“I can’t,” Millie answered abruptly.
I blinked, confused. “You can’t?”
Millie shook her head and bit her lower lip. Correcting herself, she said, “I mean, I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“Well, there’s got to be a reason,” I argued.
Millie sharply stopped and glared at him. “It’s none of your business why, I have you know,” she snapped.
“Jeez! Calm down!” I snapped back. “And you’re the one who’s always saying I’m angry all the time!”
Pressing her books against her chest and wrapping her arms tightly around them, she glanced down at her feet and sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s all right,” I reluctantly told her.
“So…what do you want?”
“Nothing. Just thought I’d say I’m sorry for giving you a hard time yesterday.” I frowned, however, noticing the solemn expression on her face. “Hey, what the hell’s wrong with you, anyway? You seem down.”
“I’m just worried about a few things, that all,” she answered casually as she lifted her head and plastered on a smile for me. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“What are you so worried about?” I questioned. “Princeton?”
She hastily shook her head and turned her back from me. “No, not Princeton! Why would I be worried about that? Of course I’m going to get accepted into Princeton…” Her voice slowly trailed off as she glanced down at her feet again.
“Yeah, of course,” I sarcastically remarked. “Unfortunately we can’t all be as gifted as you.”
“I’m not gifted; just a hard worker. Which is more than I can say about the likes of you.”
I shot her a look of daggers and then interrogated irritably, “Then what are you worried about if it isn’t Princeton?”
“Oh, this and that; it’s nothing important, really,” she insisted. She turned to me with a grin. “Like you said yesterday, I have my life all figured out just fine.” She gave me a giggle and began walking.
“All figured out,” I muttered bitterly and shook my head as I watched her disappear into the crowd.
“Yeah, she’s so conceited, isn’t she?” one of the girls asked and the other two nodded. I felt a knot form in my stomach and I gritted my teeth as they spoke. But I said nothing; I just glared down at the floor with a glower and a glint of fury in my eyes. After all, what did I care what they had to say about Millie, right? “She can be such a bitch sometimes, you know?”
“Sometimes?” the second asked. “How about all the time?” The three laughed and I clenched my fists until the knuckles were white.
“And she’s so sure she’s going to Princeton! She hasn’t even been accepted yet, you know.”
“I know!” the third chimed in. “And March is almost over, too! If she hasn’t been accepted yet, she probably won’t ever get accepted at all.” The three girls giggled. I snorted and kicked at the ground, but none of them seemed to notice. My eyes kept glaring at the floor as if it was burning a hole through it and I was almost certain that if I looked up at the three girls my eyes would burn right through them.
“I bet she’s already been rejected and she’s too ashamed to even admit it!” the first one then added and the other two nodded as all their laughter grew louder. However, one of the girls’ laughter died out as her eyes wandered toward the open door. “Hmm?”
It was then that we all noticed Millie standing at the open doorway. She stood there, body trembling as if to hold back her own tears, and chin raised high in her pride. Her face was paler than I had ever seen and her chin higher than I had ever seen. Forcing herself not to cry, she swallowed hard and declared in a low, shaking voice, “I am going to Princeton.” With that, the three girls burst into laughter and Millie fled back into the hall. But the memory of yesterday came racing into my head, and I scowled as I sat in the band room, angry with myself and with the three girls that were now laughing at Millie’s expense. Why hadn’t I said anything? I should have said something. Why did I just sit there? And as I thought back to what Millie had said to me the day before in the exact same room, I realized that she might have been right while I had been wrong all along. Yet I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. So I stood up, snatched my coat from my seat in a huff, and turned to the three girls with a glower, said loudly, “All three of you are a bunch of assholes.” They looked at me in astonishment as I stormed out.
When I stepped onto the hall, however, I could hear their shrill laughter, like hyenas, yet I really didn’t care.
“They’re not real.”
“What?”
“My glasses,” she answered quietly. “They’re not real. The lenses are just plain, ordinary plastic.”
I blinked in surprise. “But then why do you wear them all the time?”
“Because,” she answered. “I need them to see.”
Even more confused, I inquired, “But I thought you said they weren’t real.”
Millie shook her head. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant, I need them to see my future.”
“You’re not making much sense, you know,” I told her and she suddenly looked up at me. It was the first time she ever looked into my eyes without her glasses on.
“There something to hide behind,” she explained. “To hide all the unimportant things that always end up distracting people from their goals. I don’t want people to think of me as pretty. I want them to think of me as studious. Glasses make people look studious. So I wear them. And when I look in the mirror and I see that I’m wearing them, I look studious and therefore I think I’m studious and thus I become studious. When I have my glasses on, I remember what my goals in life are; not to be some party girl like most of the girls here, but to get into Princeton so I can change the world someday. If I take them off, I might forget that that’s what I really want to do. So I‘ve promised myself to keep them on until I get accepted. I guess it might seem kind of stupid to you, but I think I’d fall apart without them. I need them or I’ll lose myself. Do you understand?”
“I think so,” I answered warily. “But why do you care so much?” I then questioned. “About going to Princeton? About changing the world?”
Millie shrugged as her eyes solemnly fell back to her glasses and she leaned against the wall. “I really don’t know why,” she answered sincerely. “I guess that’s just how I always wanted my life to be.”
We were both quiet for a moment, until I finally said, “You know, even if you don’t get into Princeton, it doesn’t mean you can’t change the world or whatever.”
She scoffed and questioned sharply, “Since when did you ever think anyone could change the world?”
Gazing down at my feet, I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. “I guess I don’t.”
“What if I don’t get into Princeton?” she asked with worry. “Then what will I do? I’ve worked so hard…I’ll be so upset if I don’t get in!”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know, Millie. There’s nothing you can do, I guess.” I paused and then added, “It was like you were telling me yesterday, I guess, with that Thomas Paine guy.”
A sly smile formed on her face again at the thought and her icy eyes began glistening as if they were melting to two clear drops of water. With a soft chuckle, she repeated the words from yesterday, “‘I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ’Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct will pursue his principles unto death.’” She let out another laugh, a surge of color rushing into her face and brightening her eyes that still were set on her glasses. “I didn’t think you’d remember. I didn’t even think you were really paying attention.”
“Well, it’s not like I memorized the whole stupid thing like you did,” I muttered, glaring away with red cheeks. “Hell, I don’t even know what it means.”
“It means,” she began, her smile widening as she stood up straight, “It means that you can’t wallow in your misery and worries all the time. Or, in your case, your anger. You have to take whatever is bothering you and not let it hold you down. Instead, you have to use it to better yourself and society.” She looked up at me and added, “All in all, it means if you have a problem you should quit complaining, suck it up, and do something about it.”
“Why didn’t that Paine guy say that in the first place?” I asked with a scoff.
“Because he realized some things people have to work at, even trying to figure out what silly quotes mean, and even if it means some people are never going to actually figure out what the quote really means, anyway, no matter how hard they try,” she explained. She then let out a chuckle, a bittersweet one this time, and added, “Or even if it means that some people are never going to get to go to Princeton, no matter how hard they try.”
I frowned. “Well, that’s kind of depressing, isn’t it?”
She shook her head, however, placing her glasses on. “No, I don’t think so. Life would be too easy otherwise. And why would the world need changing if life were so easy, hmm?”
I shrugged. “But you just said how upset you’d be if you didn’t get into Princeton. Now you don’t care anymore?”
“Of course I care, Tristan!” Millie exclaimed with a laugh as she now looked up at me. “But I won’t let Princeton get the best of me. If I don’t get accepted, I’ll just go to another university and I’ll work ten times harder than I ever did just so Princeton can see what they lost out on. Thomas Paine would be disappointed otherwise.”
“Guess so,” I said, not knowing what else to say to her.
“Besides, I don’t have time to worry what Princeton thinks of me, anyway, if I want to change the world. Or anyone for that matter, especially three girls whose applications Princeton wouldn’t even consider.” She laughed as she shook her head at the thought. “How stupid was it for me to even care what they think?” She laughed harder, but she quickly calmed down, smoothing her blouse and then straightening her glasses. “Anyway, I really ought to be going. I have a lot of schoolwork, after all.” She then extended her hand out to me. “It’s been nice talking to you, Tristan.”
Confused, I shook her hand anyway. “Yeah, thanks, I guess.”
She gave me a smile and then turned, her braid flipping behind her as it always did, and started walking down the hall. And I watched her with baffled eyes until she disappeared from sight.
I looked up and toward the front of the room where Millie sat. To my surprise, her long ebony hair was no longer in a braid; instead she wore her flowing hair down. Her face was made-up and she wore a casual sleeveless spring dress rather than her usual conservative attire. And she was looking right at me, no glasses to hide her blue eyes, and had a smile and rosy cheeks; I knew then that she was definitely the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
“Your glasses-” I began, but she was quick to interrupt.
“Don’t worry; you keep them,” she called to me over the loudly chattering class. “I don’t need them anymore.” She gave me a wink and I found myself starting to grin. Before I got the chance to congratulate her, however, Joseph Paris entered the classroom and went straight to Millie.
“Hey, Millie,” he said with a smirk when he approached her desk. “So you’ve finally decided to take my advice, huh?”
“No,” she said with a pleasant smile as she opened up one of the books titled Common Sense on her desk and started reading. “I’ve finally decided to take my own advice.”
Joseph scratched the back of his head, a bit puzzled, but then asked, “So, what are you doing tonight, Millie?”
“Studying,” she answered, although most of her attention was on her book.
“Again?” Joseph asked with a frown. With a bitter grin, he questioned, “Let me guess; for Princeton, right?”
“No,” she replied with a small smile. “Because I want to.”
“I just have a bit of bad news to tell you,” he began, taking a seat beside me.
“What’s wrong? What is it?”
He sighed. “It’s about Millie Robinson.” He hesitated. “She…she didn’t get into Princeton.”
“She didn’t?” I asked in surprise and Mr. Abraham shook his head.
“She’s on the waiting list; she told me this afternoon at lunch, so don‘t be giving her a hard time.”
“I…I can’t believe she didn’t get in,” I said in disbelief, thinking about how bright and happy she had been earlier that morning.
Rising from his seat, Mr. Abraham agreed, “I can’t believe it either. But she seemed to be taking it rather well.”
“Hmm?”
“Well, she told me she didn’t need to go to Princeton anymore and that not being accepted didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would,” Mr. Abraham explained. “She said something about already being able to change the world on her own, with or without Princeton. She said she figured it all out yesterday after school.”
“Yesterday?”
“That’s what she said,” Mr. Abraham repeated before heading back into his office.
As soon as he was gone, I let out a laugh in spite of myself as I stood up myself. With a smile and a shake of my head, I mumbled, “Millie Robinson. You really have it all figured out, don’t you?” and pulled out Millie’s glasses from my pants’ pocket. I gazed down at them for a moment, thought about the girl who would someday change the world, and then chuckled again. Then I tossed Millie’s glasses in the garbage can before leaving the band room.
