Long, long ago, in a kingdom far, far away, lived a fair, helpless maiden. Her hair was the color of sunshine, her eyes the color of cornflowers. Every day she looked out her window to see if a knight in shining armor would come to rescue-- zzzzrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhbbbbllllllllppppppppp!!!!!!!!!

SLURP!

You didn’t really think this was going to be that kind of story, did you? You’re lucky the tape player was hungry and ate the tape.

No, this isn’t that sort of tale at all.

This is how fairy tales really happen, when they happen at all.

And they do.