THE book

(edited a little from original version so it’s grammatically correct, and more or less spelled right)

Once upon a time in a place so far away that you have never heard of it, there lived a beautiful maiden named Emily, who longed for someone to love her. He had to be friendly and nice. He had to be handsome. (a must) In the mountains over there lived a fire breathing dragon named Brittany who longed to be a brown and white paint horse.

One day when Emily was in the middle of cleaning her room, she heard a knock on the door. She went to open it and she found a huge dragon behind it. The Dragon’s name was Brittany, and she came to Emily because she needed her help. She wanted to become a horse, and she couldn’t figure out a way to change.

Emily felt awful that Brittany was so confused. She wanted to find a way to help her. Thinking about the people throughout the kingdom, she could only think of two that would know anything of that sort. One was an evil snake, with no tongue, that looked really ugly. His name was Evil Guy A. The other one was a nice girl named Agnes.

So Emily and Brittany decided to get help from a man named William Smith. He was not very smart and loved to smell flowers. His most favorite food was roses. So, they started on their quest to find Evil Guy A and Agnes. If they only knew what awaited them.

So travel they did. Emily walked along ahead while humming like a dog. What? A dog couldn’t hum! Well duh! She couldn’t hum to save her life! Well, the dragon, quite sick of the fingernail- chalkboard symphony took to the air. Without missing a screwed up beat, she continued without a stop. She hummed into a forest, where the plants shriveled and the critters screamed in agony, and by the ocean, where the tides died. It was unfortunate that this William Smith lived so far away.

Yes, William Smith did live far away, but when Emily knocked on the door, finally, he wasn’t there. As she turned around to leave, the weird guy who had been following her, skipping around, and picking flowers skipped up to the door, and walked in. Emily followed him, hopping into a room. At least she thought it was a room.

But it really wasn’t. It was a giant recreation of a meadow, with plenty of flowers. The guy was skipping around in circles, and picking flowers. It was an odd sight, the meadow inside along with the extremely odd man. Emily turned around as if to leave, but as soon as she did the guy noticed her, and he stopped skipping, and the happy-happy music turned off.

The guy stared into Emily’s eyes, and she stared right back. It seemed like a very long time. Then the guy’s eyes started to grow bigger and bigger and then they turned pink. Steam started to come out of his ears. His skin turned an ugly shade of green and his clothes ripped off because his muscles grew so much. Emily started to back away because she knew that hulks aren’t very nice when they turn green. Hulk jumped toward Emily, and she ran away. She ran for at least an hour but she could hear that the Hulk was following her. Suddenly she saw a huge hole in the ground, and she decided to hide in it.

Emily leapt into the hole, and she fell... fell... fell... anyway, we can say it was much deeper than she thought. Suddenly, she thudded onto a... couch. Sitting on the couch was Agnes, but Emily didn’t know it was Agnes. It was a short like thing that had large feet and bushy black hair. It called itself Princess Agnes. Emily didn’t recognize her until she introduced herself, because at their last meeting she had looked very different. Agnes and Emily then began to talk about how to turn Agnes back into her normal self, and how to change Brittany into a Paint horse.

As Emily was sitting there talking she remembered about the beautiful dragon named Brittany. Just then something fell down the hole on top of Princess Agnes, knocking her off. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were there.” started the Dragon.

“No problem” said Agnes, “Just watch next time.”

So the 1st meeting between the Princess and the Dragon was over. Then came a little man named No Estoy Sano. He was not very healthy, in fact, he loved junk food. Especially twinkies.

“Do you know Cazar is looking for you?” Said the little man.

The little man stood in wherever our story currently leads us now- and as that happens to be in a cave far under the earth with a couch, dragon, princess, Spanish guy, and someone named Emily. Needless to say, the cave was getting REALLY crowded about now. The short unhealthy Spanish guy who introduced himself as No Estoes or whatever seemed to know no English, except that one sentence.

“The Cazar is looking for you.”

He would ramble on in Spanish for a bit, and pause when everyone was staring at him with their mouths open (from a combination of cluelessness and lack of oxygen). Then he would spring up and try his luck at charades, but noone got what he meant whatsoever. After an hour or so of this entertainment, No Estoes fell over and fainted. (Again, lack of oxygen). The cave then turned hectic, with everyone trying to get up the little tunnel, and Princess Agnes yelling over it all not to forget the couch. And everyone forgot about poor No Estos. Finally, they realized that none of them could get up the tunnel, due to this force called “gravity”. Even the dragon could not get up the tunnel because there was not enough room to span her wings. They all took out the handy chisels that they all carried in their pockets, and began to chip away at the rock to make a stairway. It was to this noise that No Estos woke up.

“You know there is dymite in the other room (another English sentence) and all you have to do is have the dragon blow fire.” said No Estos Sano.

But the dragon could not blow fire because there was no oxygen. So Emily decided to break the legs off the couch and rub them together to make fire. It worked, but then they realized that there was nowhere for Princess Agnes, Brittany the Dragon, Emily, and No Estoy Sano to go. They all must die. But luckily William Smith/Hulk came down and died, saving us all. The boom also killed Mary the Golpher (she used up the extra oxygen) And the fearless travelers started again on their journey to make Agnes a pretty princess & Brittany a paint horse.

Agnes really wanted to find the Cezar that was looking for her, because she was hoping that he would be able to change her back into a pretty princess. Everyone agreed to come with her and help find the Cezar. On the way out of the forest, Emily and Brittany were hungry and started looking for someplace to eat. After a few minutes, they spot Pizza Hut and decide to go in. The others are hungry too, so everybody ends up going in to the restaurant. They order a big pepperoni pizza and coke, but they get salmon and pumpkin juice. Emily hates salmon and pumpkin juice, so she goes to the kitchen to thell the chef about the mistake he made, but when she went in, Emily saw that it was indeed NOT a Pizza Hut!

It was a marketing scheme by a giant walrus to trick travelers. However, most people in the middle of nowhere had never heard of Pizza Hut, and thought that this unique salmon dish was really a $50 speciality from Italy. However, our band of “Fearless Travelers” informed him that infact, this dish was extremely common, as every fishing village could get salmon. The walrus explained that he had to pay a lotta money for the salmon, in of which the “Fearless and Knowledgeable” travelers told him that he was being ripped off Emily ended up roasting pizzas for everyone using Brittany’s fire breath to cook it. However, it was a little crispy.

The walrus wanted to join their traveling group. Emily, however, wanted him to stay where he was because she hated his fishy smell. Luckily when Mr. Walrus went outside, he remembered that he was allergic to flowers. Most of all, roses. Which explains why a old, scary, foul smelly man became visible when Mr. Walrus knocked down the rose bush.

Because of all this Emily lost all of her hunger, and so did the others. They all quickly left the restaurant. They walked for a few minutes, and finally the forest ended, and they found themselves in the beautiful city of Florence.