Suits... dangle on the rack... to catch the folks' attention.
Should I wear... grey or black? The navy blue one's caught my eye,
And roped me in, so... double-breasted, so... velvet-vested,
I am... motivated, I am...

Chorus:
Syndicated!
I'm on Fox and ABC!
I'm a late-night host at last,
I'm feeling so in love with me,
And I feel fine,
‘Cause I've got quite a guest tonight,
From some movie or some show...
Has anybody got a light?

So here... is our super-special guest,
Overdressed and overhyped, an overall obnoxious guy.
And now I'll be ingratiating, and often grating,
I am certain now that I am...

Chorus:
Syndicated!
I'm on Fox and ABC!
I'm a late-night host at last,
I'm feeling so in love with me,
And I feel fine,
‘Cause I've got quite a guest tonight,
From some movie or some show...
Has anybody got a light?

So cut... to commercial while you can.
I can't... stand talking to this man,
‘Cause he babbles on forever.
My patience wearing thin, I
Say “Thank you” and begin
To look things up and then I see
Our so-so ratings... the viewers slip away!
The viewers slip away!
I can't believe... our crappy ratings...
And then I see.. the viewers slip away!
The viewers slip away!
The viewers slip a-waaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Chorus:
Syndicated!
I'm on Fox and ABC!
I'm a late-night host at last,
I'm feeling so in love with me,
And I feel fine,
‘Cause I've got quite a guest tonight,
From some movie or some show...
Has anybody got a light?

My hair... or perhaps my chin... that ought to get attention.