Did You Know?

“Did you know mom that the average person has 85 different toxic chemicals in the bloodstream?”

His mother glanced over the paper she was reading as she hurriedly swallowed the last bite of her toast. Edward simply looked back; conversations in the morning were often like this.

“Eat your cereal Edward.”

Edward studied the contents of his cereal bowl. The various shapes and colors floated around in his bowl, making an interesting sort of pattern if he swirled his spoon just right.

Father came in then, grabbing a piece of toast from the toaster and the section of the newspaper mother had already read. He was dressed for work just like mother. Edward could not help but think how strange it was that they both looked almost identical.

For a moment he speculated on whether or not it would be possible to tell them apart in their dark pressed suits if he saw them from the back. After a moment’s quiet reflection he decided it would be possible, mother’s hair was puffed up higher than father’s.

“Dad did you know there are over 70,000 chemicals used by factories just here in our country?”

His father sighed, “Eat your cereal Edward.”

At this Edward too sighed, and did in fact go back to eating the dreaded cereal. Maybe there were chemicals in the cereal. After all how did they get into people? The book hadn’t really said.

After consuming what his dark suited parents believed to be a suitable amount of breakfast Edward clambered off the chair, dragging the heavy book with him.

His mother glanced up from her paper long enough to call after him, “Get your jacket and backpack, Edward.”

Edward trudged over to the closet. As he did every day he opened the white painted door, dug around inside until his hand came in contact with his slippery jacket and the bright colored backpack he had picked out when they went shopping at the beginning of the year. As they did everyday they had all the way down until the rested on his father’s big boots and his mother’s briefcase.

The heavy book with its interesting picture of laboratories superimposed over a peaceful field and the thick dark title crossing over all of it, demanding your attention, was slid into the backpack to rest against the folders and notebook of homework. Useless homework in Edward’s opinion. He had yet to determine exactly what he was going to do with knowledge of what day the civil war ended.

But it wasn’t his lack of knowledge in regards to the various wars that made his hand hesitate on the zipper of the bright colored backpack. There was nothing to be afraid of, he reassured himself. Looking around at the bright clean white walls and the familiar surroundings of home, it even seemed true. There was nothing to fear.

Father came up then, and pulled his own jacket from the closet, reaching over the top of where Edward knelt with his backpack. Edward glanced up, shrugging into his slippery jacket that seemed to puff him out to twice his usual size when he wore it.

“Ready to go Edward?” His father had his jacket on and his briefcase in his hand.

Edward nodded, following his father out to the waiting car. It was a nice car. Edward liked the feeling of riding in it when they drove up and down the hills that surrounded his house. It was almost like flying if you closed your eyes.

“Did you know dad that children have two times the levels of chemicals in their bodies as adults?”

“Read your book Edward.”

The scenery went by the same as before, trees and quiet perfectly green lawns. The lawns ran up from the street all the way back to the houses unbroken by any foreign object. It was almost like being in a ship at sea. All of this was around him, all the way to the horizon, untouchable and uninterrupted.

But if he sat quietly it came back; the fear that was hiding. He really didn’t want to go to school today. Actually he would prefer never to go. But he swallowed the dark fear down. There was no reason to fear, not here on the ocean of perfect green lawns under the bright sun. There was nothing to be afraid of.

“Dad-?” He started to ask. It was strange to be afraid of the fear, but it was there even here on the bright green oceans. A shadow that didn’t fit with the bright colors and the sharp light of the world. But father knew how to act, what to do, he would know how to get rid of the fear.

But father’s answer was the same as always, he sighed, “I’m driving Edward, read your book.”

So Edward did. He read the book with its lab pictures and its dark ominous title. The book said a great many interesting things, but the book didn’t tell him what to do about the shadow that kept climbing back up and into his mind.

The car slowed coming to a stop and reconnecting with the rest of the world. The lawns outside weren’t distant untouchable oceans anymore. They were just lawns and the carefully maintained brick building that rose behind them didn’t look especially imposing or frightening but Edward did not want to go in.

“Dad-?” He tried a second time, but the words did not come fast enough.

“Shut the door Edward, you’re going to be late.” His father told him then disappeared as Edward shut the door. Now his father was sealed away from the rest of the world as the car separated itself again and pulled away, vanishing behind the identical carefully trimmed trees.

Edward trudged up the stairs, pushing aside the metal and glass doors. He swallowed again, trying to get rid of the feeling that something was trying to climb up his throat.

It was the beginning of the day, kids were milling about everywhere. Father hadn’t been right when he said Edward would be late. He was early, the same way he was early everyday. Edward thought it would be much better to be late than to be early. If he was late, maybe then he wouldn’t have to be so afraid. But there was nothing to be afraid of here, sandwiched between the two bright colored walls, decorated with sunbursts and pictures of houses with their oceans of perfect green lawns.

Edward went to the locker that had his name over it. He opened the door and set his backpack inside. Just as he was sliding the puffy jacket off, he felt the warning feeling. He knew it was Mark even before he turned around.

The other boy stood there with his friends and smiled just a little bit at first. But when his eyes met Edward’s the smile widened. As they stood Edward could feel the fear creeping back out again. He tried to choke it back down but this time it wouldn’t listen.

Mark’s friends must have seen it to, the shadow behind Edward’s eyes, because they smiled too. Mark reached over, and took the heavy book with its interesting cover from Edward’s hands.

“What’s this Edward?” He flipped through the pages, uninterested by the rows of text marching across the page.

“It’s a book; did you know that according to the book scientists don’t know what long term affects all the chemicals in our blood will have?”

For a moment he hoped that Mark had heard him. That maybe this time it would be different. But he should have known better.

“Shut up Edward.” Mark stepped closer, forcing Edward to press himself against the locker to keep away from him. Mark leaned closer. Edward couldn’t help it, his hands shook and he could feel the sweat on his palms. He was afraid. There was a reason to be afraid. But what could he do about it?

Mark laughed, pulling away. He was about to leave, but then seemed to realize he still held Edward’s book. Edward had slumped in relief as Mark backed away and he didn’t see it coming as Mark hefted the heavy book into the air.

The book struck Edward in the face. It was a heavy book, with sharp edges and corners. A sharp pain shot out from the place where it struck. Surprise and pain dropped Edward to the floor. His hand came up of its own according, touching his face. He could feel something hot and wet running down his face.

His fingers came away black. It wasn’t the red he was expecting. It was the shadowy darkness that was leaking through the gash on his face, running from his nose and split lip. Edward choked, it was here. He couldn’t keep it in.

The horrified silence that had gripped the hall when the book struck him held as he stared at the dark liquid pooling on his shirt and smeared across his hand. Mark leaned down towards Edward. Edward squinted, it was difficult to see, whether that was because of the book striking his head, or the overwhelming panic that seemed to be filling him he was not sure, but it looked almost like Mark was worried.

Edward rubbed the dark liquid between his fingers. It was everywhere now. There was fear everywhere now and there was reason to be afraid. He could feel it, something not-right-inside. But that something was outside now, and he could not stop it. Yes, there was reason to be afraid now; there was reason for Mark to be afraid, for all of them, because fear was free. It was free in the world of bright green oceans and shiny white walls, and it was strongest.

Edward reached up, he touched Mark’s face before the other boy could flinch away, leaving some of the dark liquid that still ran down his own face there.

“Did you know? You should be afraid now.”

Source of Statistics: Francesca Lyman is an environmental and travel journalist Nov. 4, 2003 in MSNBC News “Our Bodies, Our Landfills?”