Please do not copy this or claim it as your own, I’m putting this up because it’s the first chapter of what I wish to become a novel. However, I’m having trouble with it and need a little help.

Thanks for any help you can give.

No Title.

It was nightfall and pitch black. This was an unsafe place to be, especially since there was no Law Enforcement any more. Or perhaps that made it better…the streets used to be ‘paved with gold’, now they are just covered with litter. At this time of night, however, one cannot see a thing. Streetlights aren’t authorised.

The dark haired girl continued to run down the darkened street, trying to get away from the men. The Elders will be displeased…Panting and sweating, she came to a dead end. She panicked. Looked left, then right, and then left again in the vain hope that she had missed a possible escape route – no such luck. She sighed mournfully and approached the seven-foot brick wall in front of her.

She looked up and closed her eyes. “Please, please…God, Allah, Buddha, anyone, just let this work!” With all her strength of will, she walked up to the wall and kept on going…and fell through the other side. Such workings are against the theology! The girl smiled slightly, looking behind her at the wall she had just walked through and then yawned. She needed somewhere to sleep.

Walking through the streets of the town at this time of night was dangerous enough for anyone, but especially her. You cannot escape my child, you belong to the State. Ignoring the potential danger, she carried on. Just when she had given up hope, the neon Vacancies” sign she had been wishing for came into view.

Knocking on the door, she untied her hair and pushed it over her face.

The door opened slowly, and light streamed onto the doorway, the girl blinked fiercely. “What do you want?” Said the surly man who answered the door, looking at her with disdain. She fought back a sarcastic reply; she needed this. “I want a room…sir”. “You got any idea what time it is?” Looking at her watch and raising an eyebrow “I do have a vague idea, yes”, the man sighed and let her in.

“£10 a night, extra if you want a fry up in the morning. Pay up front.” He held out his hand. “I need a name, too”

“Jane” said the girl, shoving a crisp ten-pound note into his hand.

“Jane what?” The man asked, as he handed her a key and began writing her name into the guest book.

The girl started to walk up the stairs, looking at the number on the key chain. “Jane Doe”.

He heard the door slam.