Rain

By Ephemerae

The room seemed to show its tears in the soft melody of the rain. And while I continue to paint my peaceful picture, no one sees me bleeding. Another me unfolds in the swirls in my painting, smiling sardonically. I ignore it, and paint on. But inside I am dying, as it continues to rain.

Gentle moonlight streams through the window, making a silhouette of the rain on my floor. It pools around me, choking me, it’s like I can’t breathe. The air suspends, and I watch in wonder as everything stops, everything seems to fade. I breathe in… and the moment is lost. It fascinated me, so much pain, yet I was so numb, I could hardly feel anything.

I continue to paint the rain, and the swirls of dark blue and black begin to take shape. I capture the moment, forever engraving in my mind that moment of absolute loneliness. I hear a haunting laugh, as if the rain is mocking my pain, mocking me and stealing my soul away. I wonder why it chose me, why it hated me.

Because you are miserable, my pet…and that makes you so different.

Does everyone think I am so amusing to play around with? I am not a toy for your pleasure.

No… you’re not my toy alone. You do have your own free will and yet you continue to harm yourself, continue to follow me. Painting me only reminds you of your pain. And yet you continue.

I cannot stop…what have you done to me? What bout of self-mutilation would you have me perform next?

There’s so much pain, the whole sky is weeping. As I look outside, it is all cloaked in a dull grey. Outside, I see a couple laughing and playing in the rain. A bitter smile tugs at my lips.

So cold…so alone… I slowly turn away.

I honestly don’t know what I was feeling at the moment I was writing this, but it conveys my emotions to a T. I think this feeling is very common in people, yet they don’t know how to express it sometimes. I gave it a go, so tell me how I did!

Rae

P.S.- There is a companion piece to this, called ‘Le Miserable’, if you’re interested.