Kailey’s Release

Kailey woke up to the sound of her Hello Kitty alarm clock going off- the one she had gotten from her trip to Japan. It showed Hello Kitty in pajamas, clutching a clock to her stomach. When the alarm went off, Hello Kitty would start singing a good morning song in Japanese. It had been the last present she had gotten herself in the different country, and she loved it dearly, but at six in the morning the calm smile of the feline seemed to leer at her half-awake self.

Groaning in annoyance, the sixteen-year-old girl reached out and slapped the top of the clock, successfully managing to hit the ‘off’ button. The cat stopped singing immediately, much to her relief. Lying in bed a few more minutes, Kailey stared mutely up at the white ceiling, still decorated with the glow in the dark stars she had put up there four years ago.

Abruptly the lights clicked on, bathing the room in brightness, dispelling the darkness that Kailey took solace in. Shielding her abused eyes with her arm, the sleepy teenager heard her mother chirp brightly, “Good morning!” Used to such intrusions, Kailey simply muttered some mundane curse and dragged the covers up and over her head, turning her back to the doorway.

“Go away, mom…” Kailey ground out between clenched teeth, screwing her eyes tightly shut and attempting to go back to sleep.

But her mother would have none of that. Irene Harrison began singing. “It’s a beautiful day, for running in the sun, it’s a beautiful-“

“Okay, okay! I’m up!” the hidden teen yelled, throwing off the top of her dark blue covers and glaring at the cheerful woman. Her mother simply smiled and slipped out, closing the door behind her. Grumbling to herself, Kailey slithered out of the lower bunk of her bunk bed lazily, landing on the floor with a muffled thump.

Picking herself off the floor, she began to drag herself over to her connecting bathroom, when suddenly her vision grew dark and the room began to spin. Reaching out, Kailey placed a delicate hand on the wall and slid down into a kneeling position, waiting for her vision to return. After a minute or so, although it seemed like hours, her vision gradually came back and the teen was able to complete her journey to the bathroom. It happened each morning, these blackouts, and had steadily been getting worse. They had started after Kailey had suffered a concussion and had spent an afternoon in the hospital because of it. But it was just recently that they had become so bad that sometimes Kailey actually lost consciousness or forgot who she was for a second.

Her mother knew, but Mrs. Harrison probably didn’t think they meant anything. Then again, she didn’t know how badly they were getting. Finally, however, she reached the bathroom. Finding herself in front of the mirror, Kailey looked up, and frowned. “Shit…”

Kailey’s face was extreKayey pale in the washed out light provided by the lamps and against her pale blue pajama top. There were dark circles under her blue orbs, and the scrape on her left cheek she had gotten the day before stood out against her skin. Her short, mouse brown hair was tangled, hanging in greasy wisps against the side of her face. But what bothered her the most was the small scar on her chin, usually hidden, was clearly visible. Sighing, she stripped her pj’s and turned on the shower, waiting for it to warm up.

30 minutes later, a clean and dressed Kailey stepped out of her room, closing the door behind her. Makeup covered the scratch and the scar, and a long sleeved shirt covered the cuts on her arms. Making her way downstairs, she came upon a regular scene these days- her formerly cheerful mother cleaning dishes and her father making oatmeal, but discussing her younger sibling, and turning what should be a discussion into an argument. Sighing, she said little, simply grabbing her book bag and her mother’s keys, before she headed out to the car as swiftly as possible, to minimize what she had to hear.

Kailey hated it when people argued, especially her parents and close friends. Turning the ignition switch on and throwing her stuff into the passenger seat, she pulled out of the driveway and headed to her only solace- school.

But lately, it was only the actual schoolwork and classes were her haven. Going to school and keeping what used to be her effortless smile on was turning into a burden, and a heavy one at that. With her group, it seemed drama was the sole purpose in life, as each day something new came up. Granted, sometimes she was the cause of that drama, but lately she had been getting sick and tired of it.

Lately, she had been getting sick and tired of a lot of things. And topmost of her list? Life. She came home from school each day exhausted, mentally and physically, did her homework, went to bed at 10ish, and woke up the next morning to do it all over again. She was getting sick and tired of the bickering, the drama… sick and tired of herself. Almost everybody she knew had some sort of self-confidence issue, and Kailey was no exception to that.

Ever since she had been raped by a close friend when she was eleven, Kailey had had trouble trusting people. When her family moved here from her old town, Kailey had made a bunch of new friends, and had foolishly trusted them within a year. All that had resulted in was being treated like a whore, called a liar to her face, people talking about her behind her back, and her heart being broken into shreds multiple times. Not to mention bullying. It had served to make Kailey a cautious, shivering kitten inside, although on the outside she kept up her mask of being a happy, self-confident teenager.

Just thinking about what was likely to happen that day made the girl choke on long held-back tears. She never cried in front of people, ever since the fourth grade where people had called her a crybaby and a bookworm. The bookworm she didn’t mind, but the crybaby had hurt. It had stung all the more because she had realized it was true.

Swallowing her tears, she pulled into the student parking lot and parked, then grabbed her stuff and started towards the one building that held both the promise of agony and relief.

She had made it all the way to third hour. It was then that her smile started to slip, her energy to keep it plastered on her face failing. Waiting in class for the bell to ring, and listening to the song Mary Did You Know, she felt tears build up, and no matter how hard she blinked, they refused to go away. Thoughts of ‘they don’t care about me, they were just acting’, ‘they don’t want me as a friend anymore’, and ‘I just want to go to sleep clutching my teddy bear and never wake up’ ran through her mind, and she bended her head over her word search book, grateful for the cover that hid her tears from her the object of her desires, Sym, who was mindlessly bent over his game boy SP, playing Zelda, Link’s Awakening… the game she had lent the other girl a few weeks ago.

Oh God… Sym. A year older, Sym was a good friend, and although Kailey had expressed her feelings towards the other girl, she had replied that she didn’t like Kailey that way. It had hurt, that rejection, but she had never been willing to risk such a friendship by forcing the issue. It was enough that she got a hug everyday… no matter how much it hurt, there was no way Kailey was going to risk that close friendship. It had become so bad, almost, that it was hard to enjoy a day where Sym wasn’t going to be at school, where Kailey wasn’t able to see the other girl’s smile…

It drove Kailey up the wall, feeling this way and knowing that nothing would change.

And then there was the fact that most of Kailey’s friends would be leaving her in a year or so. Because most of Kailey’s friends were Juniors while Kailey was a Sophomore, they would be graduating a year ahead of the girl… and Kailey knew, she just knew, that her friends would somehow manage to forget about the one group member they had left behind. And quite frankly, it scared her to death. The thought of loosing some of those friends nearly tore her in two.

Why should I wait for them to just leave me… I should take the incentive and leave first.

Sniffing, Kailey felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw Sym standing over her, a slightly worried look marring the smooth skin. Glancing at the clock, the depressed teen found the reason for the other’s intrusion- the bell had run a few seconds ago.

Nodding mutely to Sym, Kailey closed her word search puzzle book and slipped her backpack onto her shoulder and stood. Dimly she could hear Sym asking if she was alright, but she chose to ignore her for the time being.

But in the hall, Sym caught up with her and tapped her on the shoulder again. Kailey sighed in annoyance and removed one earphone and looked questioningly up at the taller girl. “What?”

Sym looked slightly hurt by the sharp retort, and Kailey felt momentarily ashamed of herself, but then justified it by telling herself, she really doesn’t care, it’s just a front. “I was just wondering what was wrong…”

Great. Now she expects me to both smile really brightly and tell her everything’s alright or to tell her that yeah, something’s wrong… damnit. And I don’t want any questions. Plastering a cheerful, happy smile on her face, she chirped, “Nothing’s wrong, just listening to a really sad song!” Inwardly, Kailey winced, and viewed her mask with dismay. She had gotten worse at lying about how she felt… she hadn’t been doing it much, was probably why. “Don’t worry about me!”

Sym didn’t look convinced, but she had class in a few minutes, and Kailey had lunch. So Kailey went down to the cafeteria, successfully avoiding anymore uncomfortable questions. But going downstairs, Kailey could see that two more of her junior friends waited for her at the group’s lunch table. Sitting down opposite her two friends, she settled down to wait for the 50 minute lunch period to end.

All lunch, however, she was subjected to endless questions of ‘are you okay’ and ‘what’s wrong’… enough questions to drive her mad. Standing up, Kailey headed towards the office, deciding that it was finally time to end this torment that people liked to call life.

Upon reaching the office, Kailey picked up the office phone and called her mother. “Mommy? I don’t feel good… yes, I want to go home… a really bad headache. Okay, thanks.”

Hanging up, Kailey sighed and glanced at the clock. 11:15. It would be a half hour before her mother was able to get out of her meeting and come pick her up. Oh well… As Kailey left the assistant principle’s office, she chuckled inwardly. It would be the last 30 minutes she’d ever be at school. Again.

Going back down to the cafeteria, Kailey resumed her former position… seated across from the other occupants of the table, arms crossed, chin resting on her chest, and her eyes partially closed as if she was sleeping. Only a few more minutes of this, Kailey… then you can go home and finally rest. Much to her relief, the bell rang a minute later, and Kailey stood, collecting her things. As she did, Kaye, who had been writing in a paper journal the whole lunch, ripped a page off, folded it, and slipped it across the table in Kailey’s direction.

Kaye usually did this- when she couldn’t talk to you normally she gave you the silent treatment and sometimes, if you were lucky, a little ‘note’ full of scathing insults and guilt-trips. There was no way in hell Kailey was reading that in the last few hours of her life.

Raising her eyes to those of Kaye, then Betsy, and then back to Kaye, Kailey smiled calmly and tilted her head to the side a few fractions. “If I read that note, is there anything in it that might make me even more depressive? If so, I advise you examine the wisdom in giving it to me.” Oh, and that was the other thing.

Kailey had threatened, and had come perilously close to killing herself, almost a week ago. Kaye, Betsy, and Sym had stopped her, but they had been walking on glass around her lately anyways. Kailey smiled inwardly as Kaye reached for the note she had written to re-read it.

Not waiting for Kaye to finish, Kailey hefted her backpack on her shoulder and headed to the stairs, but Kaye caught her, with Betsy hovering behind her. “What’s wrong, Kailey.”

Kailey smiled tightly and detached herself from Kaye’s grasp. “I don’t feel good. I’m going home.” Kaye’s eyes narrowed and she reached for Kailey’s arm again, but the girl evaded her and spun on her heel, wanting to get as far away as possible.

“Kailey! Wait, what’s going on?” Kaye’s voice echoed behind her as Kailey walked away, unable to face them anymore. If she did, if she saw Sym one more time, Kailey would break down and tell them what she planned. They would convince her to live another day, and that was only temporary relief. She needed a permanent one.

And, damnit, she was sick of procrastinating.

END CHAPTER

So I have the second part all ready to go, but guess what I need? Reviews! shaKayeess, aren’t I?

And yes, the characters belong to me.