Chapter Twenty Five: Crush(ed)

The moment of standing outside of her door with his fist poised to knock seemed to take forever. Geoff Martin anxiously pondered whether or not to actually knock on Alex’s door, and if he did, what he would say if it opened. It was incredible; he wanted to be around Alex, yet here he was wondering if he even should be. It wasn’t like he had no reason to drop by; she had asked to see his work after he had finished it, after all. Plus, he had also done a sketch of her over the day that he wanted to give to her, and he didn’t want to wait until class tomorrow to do it.

It was a decent sketch, Geoff thought, except that he had screwed up a bit on her hairline, and now that he thought about it, maybe her eyes looked a little too dull? And the way her hair fell, it was totally unrealistic, now that he looked at his work again. Maybe he shouldn’t knock at all, ask her for a picture tomorrow in class, and spend all weekend working on her portrait.

A face like hers couldn’t be duplicated just from memory, even if her face was engrained into his mind like a cerebral tattoo. No, if he was confident and didn’t act like his portrait of her was less than perfect in any way, then she wouldn’t notice a thing. Hell, confidence, that’s what every self-help book he had ever shamefully leafed through in the back of a bookstore had told him.

Of course, to be confident, he would have to knock. . .

“What the Hell?” Geoff questioned resolutely and knocked firmly upon Alex’s door, his heart hammering in his chest to the same rhythm in double time. And he waited. The entire second floor of the dormitory complex seemed deathly silent; what if others had heard his knock echoing down the hall and peeked their heads out of their rooms to see him standing alone in the hall, like a dejected puppy?

Maybe she was out? Maybe she was sleeping? Oh God, what would he say if he woke her up? Would she really be asleep at seven at night on a Thursday? No, that would be stupid, why should he even entertain that possibility? Or what if the rumors were true, and she was in the middle of ‘entertaining a guest’? Could he even take that shame? As much as he had tried not to, it was evident to himself that he had fallen for her, even if she was known as a slut, which he would never think of her as. But still, what if she half-opened the door, a cross look upon her face, peeking out just enough for him to see that she wasn’t wearing a shirt, or even less? What would he say then? And if that happened, how would he react? Shame? Jealousy? Would he even be able to express an emotion from the shock of it all?

There was a click on the other side of the door, and it opened wide; Alex stood in the doorway, fully clothed, and the only other occupant of her room was. . . Her friend from class, what was her name again?

“Geoff, hey! Come on in!” Alex said warmly. She had invited him into her room!

“Hi Alex,” Geoff said. But now how to be polite and say hello to her roommate without even knowing her name? Well, he had seen this happen a thousand times between acquaintances on his walks to and from class; he nodded his head in the other girl’s direction and said “Hey.”

“Hi Geoff,” she replied with a grin.

“To what do we owe this visit?” Alex asked, sitting down on her bed and moving a heavy volume of history, clearing a space for Geoff next to her. Swallowing nervously, he anxiously sat down.

“Well, remember how in class yesterday, you saw me sketching and you asked to see the final drawing?”

“Of course,” Alex nodded. Oh God, what was that emotion called? It wasn’t bored, but. . . She was waiting, that was clear, and he couldn’t bore her! He had to show off what he had come to show, and fast.

“Well, I finally finished it this afternoon, so I thought I’d show you now that the ink has dried,” Geoff said, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a manila folder. From this, he extracted a richly colored, glossy sheet of paper displaying a dragon bursting from a raging fire of orange and yellow, its scales were a deep hue of crimson, with patches of violet and brown interspersed throughout with emerald eyes, all set against a vibrant dark blue backdrop. The sheer explosion of colors took Alex’s breath away at first, and she reached out to take the work almost reverently, tracing her fingers over each section, her mouth hanging open in awe. Even her roommate had come over to see what held Alex’s attention so raptly, and she became lost in the art, too.

“Oh my God, Geoff, this is amazing,” Alex said. Instantly, an immense burden was lifted from Geoff’s shoulders.

“That really is good,” her roommate echoed. “How long did it take you to make this?”

“Maybe five or six hours total, not all at once though. And hour or two here and there, and it was done before you know it,” Geoff said proudly.

“Seriously, this is incredible,” Alex shook her head and looked up at Geoff, into his eyes. “Are all your works this good?”

“Well, I don’t know about that, I do a lot of different stuff, but I did do something for you,” Geoff said, reaching into his folder and confidently pulling out, no, unveiling his sketch of Alex.

His thoughts began to race wildly through his head. What did her expression mean as she took it gently from his hands? There was a smile, yes, but no words yet. What if it wasn’t a good smile, like she was saying “This is really good”, but instead “Oh, how cute, he tried so hard”? He knew he should have spent more time on her hair, he was really kicking himself now, why did he even give it to her? She was surely going to hate it, there’s no use, she hates it and once he’s gone she’ll just laugh at him with her roommate, how could he have ever been so stupid to think that he could ever draw her well enough?

“Geoff, this is so sweet! It looks just like me!” Alex said in delight, looking down at the charcoal face, her face, staring almost seductively up at her, any of its imperfections going unnoticed by her eyes.

“Shit, you are pretty damn good at this,” her roommate said, nodding her head with incredibly raised eyebrows. “Think you could do one of these for me, too?”

“Sure, any time,” Geoff said in shock. They liked it, they really did!

“Geoff, really, this is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me,” Alex looked at him, her dull eyes shining. Shining with the faintest beginnings of tears? The thought became inconsequential as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Hey, I’m just glad you like it,” Geoff said modestly, returning her hug and squeezing her tightly.

“Of course I like it!” Alex exclaimed, pulling away and wiping her sleeves under her eyes. So she had been crying! Wow, he just made a girl cry from happiness!

“Shit, you made me smear my makeup!” she laughed. “I probably look like crap now.”

“No, you still look great,” Geoff reassured her. Wait, did that come out too strong? Would she take that as a come-on that a reassurance? Great, why couldn’t he just exercise some restraint?

“Thanks Geoff,” Alex replied, getting up to peer at herself in the mirror. “Thanks to you, buddy, I’ve got to completely redo my mascara.”

“Sorry,” Geoff shrugged.

Wait, ‘got to completely redo my mascara’? Why did she have to redo it for tonight? His courage was faltering, all this time he had slowly been building up the massive amount of courage necessary to ask her one question that he’d been dying to ask her since they had worked together in science yesterday. Oh great, when you look at the amount of time, it seems so insignificant now, but he still couldn’t wait. And now, she had something that required mascara, required looking good, and what could that be? A date? Fantastic, he should have guessed, there was no way a girl like her could be interested in a guy like him. Why even bother to ask her now? Why even bother to stay? What was left to do here tonight?

“You alright, Geoff?” Alex asked, turning around from her reapplication of makeup and looking at him, concerned. Great, he’d spent too much time analyzing every little thing about her that he’d forgotten to say anything.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just didn’t want to distract you while you were fixing yourself”— fixing yourself?—“Your makeup, I mean.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve done this countless times in the dark and still came out looking fine,” Alex said airily. “So do you have any big plans for the night, Mr. Artist?”

“Me? No, not for tonight,” Geoff said casually. Was that a hint? It’s now or never. “Tomorrow night though, I was playing around with some possibilities. . .”

A knock on the door interrupted Geoff’s poorly planned approach, and he nervously shut himself up as Alex leaned over and opened the door. “Hey darling,” she said with that peculiar smile used only for greeting one’s significant other; Geoff had gotten very skilled at discerning this look on others. That was all it took, his hopes were dashed before they even fought their way out of his mouth.

To cement his suspicions, into the room walked, well, everything Geoff inwardly wished he could be. The boy was tall, lean but obviously strong as an ox, an upperclassman with the confident swagger of those who know they’ve earned the right to walk in such a way, his hair was styled in that short, messily spiked manner that all the girls seemed to like these days, and Geoff could have gone on about the superficial attributes of this man, but at this very moment, the thing he envied most about him was the way he walked up to Alex, wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to kiss her. And she responded so happily to it, too!

At last, they broke apart from the neck up, though they still kept their arms around each other.

“Hey baby, I like the makeup tonight, totally hot,” he said.

“Well, I had a bit of help on that. Gabe,” Alex unwrapped one arm from around Gabe’s lower back in order to turn towards Geoff, “I’d like you to meet my friend, Geoff. We’ve got biology together. Geoff, this is my boyfriend Gabe.”

“Hey Geoff, nice to meet you,” Gabe said, extending his hand towards him. He shook it meekly.

“Nice to meet you, too.” His own voice sounded dead to him.

“How’s it going, Becky?” Gabe asked. Oh, right, that was Alex’s roommate’s name. Hell, even Gabe could remember that, why couldn’t he?

“Not bad, Gabe. You and Alex got any big plans tonight?”

“Nothing set in stone, maybe a little walk somewhere nice,” Gabe said, so insolently. Here he had Alex Wilhelm on his arm, she was his for the night, and he didn’t even know in advance what he was going to do with her? “I guess we’ll just take tonight as it comes, you know what I mean?”

“Absolutely. So you’ll have her back by her first class, I take it?” Becky said with a smirk. A smirk and a glance. Was that glance aimed at Gabe and Alex, or was it aimed at him?

“Becky, you know I don’t have a curfew!” The three laughed at that line like it was an inside joke.

“Quarter to twelve it is,” Becky replied with a wink. “I’ll catch you in history then, Alex.”

“Oh wait, we can’t go yet, Gabe hasn’t even seen what Geoff gave me!” Alex said, breaking out of Gabe’s arms and coming to him, like a perfectly rehearsed scene from his fantasies. But no, she was only coming to retrieve his portrait, his drawing, his sketch of her. She picked it up and walked back to Gabe. “Isn’t this great?”

“Hey, it really is! It looks just like you! You did a good fucking job on this one, dude.”

“Thanks.”

“Alright, ready to go?” Alex asked, grabbing her backpack.

“Absolutely. Later Becky. Nice meeting you, Geoff,” he said, and with that, he ushered her out of the door, and they were gone, and he was left sitting alone on her bed with only her roommate, Becky, in the room.

“I knew it,” Becky said slyly. Geoff looked up to find her looking at him.

“Knew what?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“You like her,” she came right out and stated it.

“Not really,” he lied.

“Don’t deny it, I saw the way you acted when Gabe came in. So what was that you were about to say about tomorrow night?”

“It was nothing,” he lied again.

“I don’t believe you. Let me guess, you were going to ask her out?”

Silence. It was as good as confessing it all right now.

“Look Geoff, you’re a sweet guy, I really mean it. But there’s something you have to understand,” Becky said firmly, sitting down next to him and taking him by the hand. “Alex isn’t the right girl for you. She takes sweet guys like you, chews them up and spits them out again, then goes and does it again. It’s just the way she is. Trust me, save yourself a lot of frustration and find yourself a girl that’s looking for a sweet guy like you. I know they’re out there.”

“Yeah, but where?” he asked pitifully. “And what if I don’t even want to be the sweet nice guy anymore?”

“Geoff, you can’t change yourself, it’s not worth it.”

“I mean, what does that guy have that I don’t? Honestly Becky, what am I missing?”

“That’s a pointless question. Besides, from what Alex has told me, I’m sure there are times when he’s wondered what guys like you have that he doesn’t. Everybody’s different, and you just need to learn how to use what you’ve got.”

“What I’ve got doesn’t get girls.”

“Yet. Just be a bit more confident, and they’ll start to notice you. Oh, and don’t do that whole puppy dog thing for Alex, just give her up. It’s better for you on so many levels.”

“So why him, anyway?”

“I really don’t know, Geoff. I’ll tell you that right now. He’s starting to grow on me, but I don’t see anything datable in him, so it’s not a universal thing that he’s got. She just sees a lot of herself in him, that’s all.”

“And she doesn’t see any of herself in me,” Geoff said bitterly.

“Yet,” Becky said. “She doesn’t see anything of what she is in you, but I think you’re kind of what she wants to ultimately be.”