I’m Sorry Mom

It's so easy to be cold to you
Hell, it was you who taught me
Taught me to close my eyes and look away

You're crying
But so was I
The love I'm showing you is fake
Just a lie, only an act

At least I'm trying
At least I'm pretending
Just for you
Just to help you out

But you didn't try
You didn't even pretend to care
I used to love you
So much

I'm sorry mom
That love is fading
And it's all your fault
I'm fading from you

Why are you crying?
Was it the surgery?
Was it Dad?
Or is it me...?

I know I'm a problem
But still you say "I love you" at night
Stop saying it
Do you really mean it?
I don't know if you do anymore
So stop if you don't

Have you noticed yet?
I don't say it back
I'm fading away
Have you even noticed?

You cry so easy
Look at me
If I was like you
I'd be drowning in the tears
But you don't even see...
How much I hurt

Mom, you're forcing me to be
Cold
Lifeless
I dont' feel pain anymore

I needed you that night
But you turned away
You still can't see it
Can't see how unhappy I am

I'm sorry mom
That love is fading
And it's all your fault
I'm fading from you

No need to say goodbye
I'm almost a woman
I'll leave soon
So I can be alone
All on my own

I'm sorry mom
I'm fading from you
My love
My ability to feel
It's all fading
I'm fading away...

Note: These are all just my feelings and I'm sure all of you have felt them at some point in time. But I don't want to lead everyone to believe I have this horrible mom, she's great, she's just...o.0 not sometimes. But overall she's great. A lot of the stuff in this poem is because of my depression, which I didn't know I had at the time...which is partly why I blamed her...and partly because it was her fault...-innocent smile-