2/19/05

Lonely crucifixion

The first time I was crucified I thought it was finally over and I would never have to do it again

But as my mother said,

It’s only the beginning

So here I am

Walking that familiar path again

Seeing the footprints that I had made

The same old mistakes and that same old pain

Those bloodstains that still look fresh on the dirt

The heavy weight I must bear on my back

I remember it all to clearly

Glistening tears are slipping

I listen to the sound of the whip crack

As it licks my back

Crying out I try not to fall

But I haven’t fully recovered from the last time

Old wounds open and fresh blood pours from them

I am so sorry dear lover

I am not strong enough to save you

Let alone save myself

How can you think I’ve been helping?

When I can still clearly see your pain

There’s been no change

Maybe the change of our emotions

But that’s not what I’m getting at

I can’t heal myself let alone you

So on the journey to the Calvary

I must go alone

Because I’m such a burden on everyone else’s mind

My crucifix awaits me at the end of this dusty road

I know its not right for me to compare this to a crucifixion but I just see it as a good way to tell ppl of my inner pain. Sorry if it offends some ppl just no flames please cause what I write is serious stuff.