Niall walked into his dormitory room for perhaps the last time, glancing at the calendar as he did so. It seemed to stare damningly back at him, reminding him over and over that this was his last full day at Eldermoor Academy, and it was already almost over. It had been the last day of finals, and Niall would be leaving the next morning at the behest of his father. Niall resisted the urge to hit something as the thought fluttered through his head; he knew that the last thing he needed at that moment was an explosive outburst of his temper.

It was already late, Niall having spent all afternoon saying goodbyes to his friends, and Luke hadn’t returned to the dorm room yet. Things between the two during the last two weeks had been strained at best. Though Luke had been the one to insist that they still had two weeks left, that he understood why Niall couldn’t continue to be with him, he had been the one acting the strangest about the entire situation.

Niall sighed, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t like he could blame the other boy. He knew that the situation was strange and uncomfortable, no matter which way one looked at it. They both knew how they felt about each other, but they both knew that Niall would be leaving, and it hurt. It hurt just being around each other, even though Niall didn’t want to leave the other boy. And today was his last day at Eldermoor, and somehow, he wished he hadn’t wasted that last time they had had.

Shaking his head, Niall laid down on the bed, closing his eyes. He didn’t know where Luke was just then, or when he would be back, but somehow, he wanted the other boy to be with him, at least one last time. He’d be leaving the next day, and it would likely be a long time before he even saw Luke again, if that ever even happened—if it wasn’t too painful for both of them, after everything.

Niall thought about his boyfriend, as if willing it could bring the blue-eyed boy back to the dorm room. Logically, he knew that it most likely wouldn’t happen, but that didn’t stop the emotional part of him from wishing that Luke was there with him, that he could at least have adequate time to say goodbye, even if it involved a lot of crying and pain. They had one more night, and then Niall would be gone.

Yet somehow, whatever deity existed seemed to be forgiving toward Niall in ways it had never been previously, and Niall heard a key in the lock less than ten minutes later. Niall’s body shot up, leaning back slightly on is elbows to watch as the door slid open and a blond head ducked through.

Luke’s eyes were trained on the ground, but he glanced up quickly after a moment, spotting Niall on the bed. “Hey,” he said softly, biting his lip slightly as he closed the door gently behind him. Niall dipped his head at his boyfriend.

“Hey,” he replied, his tone equally quiet. There was something nervous about Luke’s manner, which didn’t surprise him much. Everything since that phone call from Niall’s father two weeks before had been nervous and uncertain and absolutely uncomfortable. Luke walked over to the bed and Niall watched him apprehensively as he put down his books and sat on the edge of the bed, as far away from Niall as possible. Luke stared down at his hands as he finally spoke.

“So…you’re leaving tomorrow morning, right?”

Niall nodded softly, his eyes locked on Luke, noting the other boy’s obvious nervousness. Yet Luke still refused to look at him, so Niall knew he had to answer verbally. “Yeah, tomorrow,” he informed the blond boy. “Early.”

Luke nodded mutely, twining his hands together nervously. “I’m sorry. I’ve probably been a horror to live with for these past two weeks. It’s just…this has all been really difficult. I’m not sure what to do, because I don’t want to lose you, but I know that I’m going to. It feels pretty crappy.”

Niall nodded again, understanding, before creeping closer to Luke on the bed. “I know,” he told the other boy, coming to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. “This is a really weird situation. I get it. You don’t have to apologize. If I could change things, believe me, I would. In a heartbeat.”

Luke bit his lip, still not lifting his eyes. “I know,” he said sincerely. “But you can’t control what your parents do, right?” Finally, he lifted his eyes to Niall’s, and Niall could see that his clear blue orbs were filled with unshed tears. Niall almost wanted to cry himself; this was difficult for both of them. He wanted to hate his parents; even more so, he wanted to hate himself for giving them leverage to ruin his life yet again.

“Niall, can I ask you something?” Luke asked gently, his voice a little nervous. Niall nodded mutely, keeping his eyes locked on Luke’s face. Luke took a long, deep breath before speaking again. “Can we…just one last time?”

There was something about Luke’s tone that, despite his lack of words, made it obvious what he was asking. Niall was surprised for a moment—after all, Luke had barely wanted anything to do with him for two weeks—but he masked it quickly, nodding. He wanted nothing more than to be with Luke again. He just wished it didn’t have to end.

Slowly, Niall moved closer to his boyfriend, leaning over and pressing their lips together softly. Luke met the kiss almost immediately, lips pressing back against Niall’s in a rhythm that was slow but unmistakably desperate. Niall kissed back with equal fervor, equal desperation, because he knew that this was likely the last time he’d be able to touch the other boy like this, kiss him like this. It was painful to think about, but Niall tried to ignore the thoughts, pressing his lips more firmly into Luke’s.

Luke’s hands were frantic, gripping at Niall’s shirt and trying to pull him impossibly closer, scrabbling for more places for their skin to touch, more contact. After two weeks of barely touching one another, both boys were desperate for each other’s touch, hands, lips…neither could get enough of each other.

Their pace was hurried, frantic, and it didn’t take long for Luke to begin pulling at Niall’s tie, trying to pull it up and over his head, somehow without breaking their kiss. Eventually, he just untied the necktie and tossed it in a heap on the floor, hands working at the buttons of Niall’s school shirt, fingers shaking in a near-hopeless attempt to get them undone. After what seemed like an eternity for the boys, Luke finally managed to undo all the buttons and pull the shirt off of Niall’s arms.

Their lips never broke apart as Niall began to divest Luke of his shirt and tie as well, and Luke began to run his hands over the exposed skin of Niall’s torso, just needing more skin, more to touch. Niall’s skin was soft under his touch, though the lean muscles beneath were hard. By the time Luke’s attention shifted to one of Niall’s nipples, Niall had gotten Luke’s tie untied and was beginning to undo the buttons of his shirt.

Niall let out a little grasp as Luke’s fingers ghosted over his nipples, though he was determined not to be deterred from his task. He slowly undid the buttons of Luke’s shirt, with much more precision that Luke had his, before the shirt fell open to reveal the map of scars across Luke’s torso. Over the past months, Luke’s body had become almost as familiar to Niall as his own, and he knew every scar, every small freckle and mark. He knew all of Luke’s beautiful imperfections.

Niall saw the familiar gold cross necklace falling just to the top of Luke’s chest, the ever-present reminder of his mother, as well as the pain he had suffered. The necklace had almost become a part of Luke in the past months, as Niall had never seen the other boy take it off. It was almost as if it was another extension of Luke’s body, another normal appendage like an arm or a leg. Luke almost wouldn’t be Luke without the necklace, or without the scars.

The boys’ mouths finally broke apart as Niall eased the shirt off Luke’s torso, both boys gasping for breath. Niall let his mouth travel down to Luke’s collarbone, to the long, raised scar there and lavished it with attention, running his tongue over the damaged skin to hear little gasps from Luke above him. Niall smiled to himself, repeating the motions with his tongue a few more times before returning to Luke’s mouth, pressing their lips together once again.

Their kisses continued, frantic as before, Luke’s hands beginning to work on removing Niall’s pants. Their desperation was a palpable force in the room, almost a physical presence for all of its astounding strength. Once Luke had gotten Niall’s belt undone, Niall got impatient, guiding the blond boy up onto the bed so that he was on his back, coaxing him back so that his head was on the pillow. Their lips didn’t break apart once as Niall came to lie on top of the other boy.

They kissed like that for a minute, Luke continuing to fumble with the fastenings of Niall’s pants before he finally got then undone, but because of their positions, he could do nothing further. Niall took over, his own fingers moving nimbly to undo Luke’s pants, and Luke lifted his hips to allow Niall to divest him of his pants and underwear, Niall removing his own after he had done so.

Niall looked down at his boyfriend’s body and was immediately struck with a sense of melancholy. This would be the last time he would be able to see Luke like this, the last time he would be able to touch Luke or kiss him like this. The thought had run thorough his head a million times in the past few moments, but looking down at Luke’s willing body brought it back full force.

It was clear that something similar was going through Luke’s head when a second later, a single tear fell down his cheek. Niall immediately felt protective, hating seeing someone he cared about so much cry. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Luke’s cheek, letting his tongue dark out to capture the wetness that had gathered there.

“Shh…don’t cry,” Niall whispered, laying a flurry of kisses across Luke’s face. This didn’t seem to help, however; if anything, it made things worse, as a choked sob erupted from Luke’s mouth, more tears falling from his eyes. Their naked bodies were pressed together, and Niall could feel that Luke was still hard beneath him, which was so incongruous with his sad face.

“I’m s-sorry,” Luke choked out after a second. “It-it’s just—” Luke stopped abruptly, as if unable to finish his sentence.

Niall leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, understanding. “I know,” Niall whispered. Luke reached up, snaking an arm around Niall’s neck, pulling him down into a deeper kiss. Niall could still feel the tears on his boyfriend’s cheeks as their lips met, could feel quieting sobs wracking Luke’s larger frame as the two kissed. Yet slowly, as their lips met and their tongues dueled, Luke’s sobs began to quiet until they were nearly nonexistent. Niall pulled back, looking down at his boyfriend again.

There were still tear-tracks on Luke’s face, but they were drying; he looked torn between being aroused, happy, and completely miserable, which pretty much summed up what Niall felt as well. Luke’s next words were fraught with utter and complete neediness.

“Niall—” Luke breathed out, feeling Niall’s erection pressing into his hip. “I—I need—”

Niall, used to his boyfriend when he was reduced to near-incoherence, could decipher the meaning of the words immediately, and gave Luke another quick kiss before leaning over and pulling open the drawer beside their pushed-together beds and groping around for a condom and lubricant. They were just where he had left them, so he was able to identify them by touch, pulling the items out of the drawer and dropping them onto the bed next to them.

Luke arched up against him, rubbing their arousals together and causing them both to groan. “Please,” Luke gasped out, his voice even more needy than before. Niall couldn’t ever deny that voice from Luke, no matter what he boy asked, not that he wanted to in this instance. He quickly grabbed the tube of lubricant and was about to spread some on his fingers when Luke’s hand on his arm stopped him.

Luke shook his head adamantly. “No. I need you inside of me now,” Luke insisted impatiently, his eyes pleading. Niall nodded mutely, picking up the condom first and ripping open the package, rolling it over his length. He coated it copiously with lubricant; he was used to Luke’s impatience at times, and he knew that without preparation, he would need it.

Shooting Luke one last searching look, Niall positioned himself at the other boy’s entrance and slowly slid himself inside.

Luke’s back arched and he let out a long moan, fingers tangling in the sheets beneath him. Niall paused once he was sheathed all the way inside Luke’s body, giving the other boy time to adjust. Luke’s body slowly fell back to the bed and his breathing evened out a bit, so Niall pulled out a bit and thrust back in, making Luke release another small sound, his legs coming to latch themselves around Niall’s back.

Luke still arched partially off the bed, using his legs around Niall’s waist to keep himself steady, Niall began thrusting into the other boy’s body, every so often getting the angle just right so that Luke would let out a strangled groan. Niall’s thrusts were frenzied, desperate as their entire encounter had been. Their bodies moved quickly against each other, moans and groans and gasps echoing off the walls around them, though both made an effort to stifle them due to the fact that they were in the dorms. Niall wished that he could hear the full volume of Luke’s glorious moans, but he knew that he should be thankful that they could even have what they had left. Soon, they wouldn’t have even that.

It didn’t take long, with their frantic thrusting and constant touching, before they both achieved orgasm, for once, almost simultaneously. Niall groaned softly while Luke had to work to suppress a loud moan as orgasm hit, both boys falling back to the bed in a sweaty heap, Niall still on top of Luke.

It took a few minutes before Niall got up the strength to pull out, removing the condom and discarding it into the trashcan before coming to rest beside Luke, pulling a tissue from the box beside the bed to clean the mess that now covered Luke’s stomach. Luke let him, resting back into the pillows, sated, before Niall moved closer to lay his head on Luke’s shoulder, Luke’s arm winding around his body.

They were silent for several long moments before Niall spoke, his voice a bit muffled because of the way he was laying, face partially buried in the crook of Luke’s neck. “I can’t believe that we won’t have this anymore. I can’t believe I won’t be able to see you every day,” Niall commented forlornly.

“Shh,” Luke said, running his hand in slow circles over Niall’s nude back. “Just don’t think about it. The more you think about it, the worse it will be. Trust me. Let’s just go to sleep.”

Niall nodded mutely, feeling tears welling up in his eyes already. Despite what Luke had said, it was impossible not to think about it. Luke reached over, turning off the light and snuggling back into the bed with Niall. And even cradled in each other’s arms, sleep was long in coming for both of them.

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When Niall woke early the next morning to the sound of the alarm clock, he was surprised to find that he was in bed alone; Luke had obviously left at some point when he was sleeping. Niall got out of bed groggily, rubbing his eyes and making his way to the bathroom to make sure that he was, indeed, alone in the dorm room. As he had suspected, the bathroom was as empty as the other side of the bed.

Niall glanced back at their pushed-together beds, glad that Adrian and Brad were leaving later than he and had offered to move them back for him, because he didn’t know if he had the strength at that point, physically or mentally, to move them, to acknowledge that it was really over. Luke obviously hadn’t either, which was why he had left while Niall was still sleeping. Niall couldn’t blame the other boy for it; he didn’t blame him for not wanting to do the goodbyes. It was difficult for both of them.

Sighing deeply to himself, Niall made his way back into the bathroom to relieve himself and take a shower. He turned the shower on hot, so hot that it was almost scalding, but Niall didn’t notice, stepping under the spray and washing his hair and body mechanically, not giving much attention to what he was doing. He could have lathered his body with shampoo, for all that he was aware of what he was doing. It was still difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that he would be leaving the one place that had almost begun to seem like home, much more than his own house had—and this time it wasn’t just for the summer. He wouldn’t be coming back, probably ever.

Niall let the water wash over his body, hoping that it would bring him a bit more lucidity and clarity, though both seemed to be eluding him. Sleep was still thick in his mind, making it hard to think as clearly as he could. Niall knew that that was probably a good thing, considering the fact that more thinking on the topic would probably begin to drive him crazy. He knew that he just had to accept that was happening was beyond his control, but knowing he had to do something and actually doing it were two different things entirely.

Niall stepped out of the shower after awhile, grabbing a towel and drying off his body and his hair. He tied the towel around his waist and grabbed the pair of clothing he had left out of his suitcase to travel in, getting dressed just as mechanically as he had showered. It felt almost as if he hadn’t woken up yet, as if he was just dreaming that he was leaving, but rather, he was staying.

Yet Niall knew that that wasn’t true, and no matter how much he wished it was true, it would never be. His parents had decided that he would be leaving, and that was the end of it. There would be no discussion; they would just do whatever they wanted, as usual, regardless of how it would affect him. The difference what that this time, it seemed almost malicious; there was no true reason for them to make him change schools, but they were doing so anyway.

Perhaps the only light in the darkness was the fact that his parents had agreed to let him go visit Donovan over the summer, that he wouldn’t have to spend the whole summer with them. It was extremely encouraging that he’d be able to see his friend, who he hadn’t seen at all in the months since he had returned to England. But even that wasn’t enough to banish Niall’s rising depression.

Niall sighed again, deeply, pitifully, placing the rest of his belongings into his suitcase. He had packed almost everything already, but a few things he had left until the last minute. He glanced at the clock, remembering his father’s harsh words.

“A car will be there to pick you up promptly at seven a.m. I expect you to be waiting outside when it arrives.”

Niall shivered at the memory of his father’s severe tone. The clock informed him that he had about twenty minutes to get outside, so he hastily began placing the rest of his things into the open suitcase in front of him before closing it. He made sure that he also had his laptop and his guitar, two things he was sure he wouldn’t be able to live without. After he had all his things gathered together, Niall glanced around the room carefully, trying to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. It was a familiar act, something nearly everyone did before a trip, trying to make sure they had everything they needed. It felt almost normal.

When Niall was sure that all his belongings were together, he stood silently, staring down at his bags as if they were condemning him somehow. He didn’t want to go outside yet, didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he’d actually be leaving, but he knew that he couldn’t stall for much longer; he had less than ten minutes to get himself and all his things out to the front of the school.

Sighing resignedly to himself, Niall grabbed all his bags, finding that he could carry them all in one trip, but barely. He was hobbling slightly, and it was a bit difficult to walk, but Niall knew that he didn’t want to make more than one trip.

At the front of the dormitory building, Niall returned his key to the staff member already sitting there, feeling as if he was sealing his fate in a way. He’d never be back in that dorm room again.

Trying to shake off the sorrow washing over him, Niall picked his things back up and made his way carefully toward the front of the school. The campus was pretty empty, most people taking advantage of the fact that school was over and sleeping in. Most people weren’t leaving until later in the day or even the next day, and there were only a few other students making their way across campus toward the front steps.

Rather against his father’s wishes, the car was already there for Niall when he arrived at the front steps of the main building. The driver helped him pile his things in the trunk, and Niall saw that there were a few other students waiting on the front steps to be picked up as well, either by their parents, if they didn’t live very far away, or someone to take them to the airport. Niall sighed, as the driver closed the trunk.

Niall stepped into the car, the door closing behind him. He stared out the window as the engine started, the somewhat intimidating façade of Eldermoor Academy staring down at him. Yet somehow, this intimidating campus over a hundred years old had become his home in the past year and a half, and had been the place where he had met some of his closest friends, had some of his most memorable experiences. And yet, he knew that he would be leaving it forever.

Niall kept his eyes on the main building as the car began moving, driving down the road and away from the school. Niall didn’t look away until Eldermoor Academy had faded into the distance, gone from his sight but forever imprinted upon his memory.

A/N: To be continued in the next part, called To Look Without Seeing.