This one is a little weird… well, not necessarily weird, but intense. I wrote this at a time in my life when I was sick of all the crap I was doing. You know. Those things we do to please ourselves? To make US feel good? I was really feeling the hand of God on my heart, and it hurt. I mean, He was saying that He was lonely. That He was missing me and wanted to spend time with me, but because I was so interested in doing what I wanted to do and watching things that separated me from Him… well, He wasn't able to spend that quality time with me. He wasn't able to 'hang' with me. So, this is what I came up with to express my anger at that dark, spiritual side of my flesh that had created a wall between me and Him.

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A Pleasant Death

Tonight I must die.

In death He can live through me,
touching others with His mercy
compassion.

Only when my selfish lusts and wants
are rotted away in death
can He give me what I need.

Newness

Tomorrow I must die.

Only in an every day death
to myself
can His true will be done.

Only then can my soul be satisfied.

Only then will my spirit be free.

When I am dead
to myself
He can draw me to Him,
and I will have no fear.

When He raises me out
of the ashes of my sin
To a new life,
like the Phoenix of legend,
That is when I can love Him

without fear.

When my flesh dies
He can live.

Lord,
how do I kill it?

How do I kill the flesh
that keeps me from you?

What must I do to kill...
me
so that You are all that's left?

No matter what the pain...
I must be broken.

No matter the cost...
I must die to myself.

No matter the worldly death...
You must be the One.

Die then, 'flesh'

Die,
past that drags me down
into the pits of black

Die and squirm
your last breath
As God's power is shown.

Die and release the cold,
strangle grip
on my heart.

Die,
to never come again

never to destroy
my life

Die

©mintbaby February 1996