|Bob the Lizard's ULTIMATE Adventure
Author: welchs828 PM
If you didn't get enough of Bob in his adventures...then you'll get enough to last a lifetime in this. Written in seventh grade, immaturely, oxymoronically amazing.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Adventure - Words: 4,011 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 02-26-05 - id: 1844634
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Once upon a time, there was a lizard. His name was Bob. Bob was a happy fellow, and he had a lot of friends. He even had a girlfriend.
One day, Bob got bored of his simple life and decided to move on for once.
Bob walked to town with his hopes up, ready for some action. Then he came across Kyle, the Bluebird, who was a Bright Knight. Now, Kyle was nice and bright, and a knight to boot, but he was blonde on the inside, so...
"Hi, Bobo!" Kyle exclaimed absent-mindedly.
"It thought you were my friend!" Bob said, hurt. "You're so annoying!"
"Whatever!" Kyle rudely exclaimed. "So...Bob? Bob. Bob, how's everything going?"
Bob shrugged. "Well, my girlfriend loves me, I like myself, I'm healthy, and I'm good."
Kyle rolled his big black eyes. "Any new news?"he asked. Kyle knew he was in for nothing more juicy than perhaps the fact that Bob had run out of graham crackers.
"Well," Bob said, excited, "the other day, someone told me I wasn't handsome! Can you believe that? Me, not handsome? Can you turn this pretty face down? Can you? Well I'll say..."
All Kyle heard was 'blah Blah BLAH!' Unfortunately, our friend, Bob, was a little, tiny bit self-centered.
"Anything else?" Kyle asked, clearly bored.
"Well," bob said, once again excited, "I recieved an award for being the best, most beautiful handsome, best being ever. And guess who gave it to me? I did! And guess what? My carriage would't go yesterday..."
I am totally sick of all of this selfish nonsense, Kyle thought. I'm gonna show that bratty froggish lizard what he deserves. Oh, yes. I can see it now...
"Well, I don't know why it wouldn't go, but for some reason, the horses were gone. But everyone knows the horses aren't the reason carriages don't go. So I went and caught a few horseflies and tied them to the carriage. They bit me a whole lot, but that might've been an alligator. I don't know. How am I supposedd to be able to tell the difference? Anyways, after that, I closed my eyes, and I think we moved to town, and back, but it didn't really feel like the horseflies were going. I sure kept my eyes closed for a mighty long time!"
"Bob," Kyle interrupted, nearly falling asleep. "Really, Bob, I must go. RIGHT now. REALLY. It's an EMERGENCY. Bye." And off he flew.Bob shrugged and continued on.
Next he came upon his girlfriend, Cindy. He sprinted on over to her and gave her a giant lizard hug.
"Hello, Cindy!" he said. "I love me!" He grinned.
Cindy rolled her yellow lizard eyes. "I love you, too," she said, sighing. She was wondering why she was even his girlfriend. "Why am I even your girlfriend?" Cindy asked him.
Bob gasped. "Why? You're asking why? Oh, Cindy, dear, you have so much o learn. I need to make my image look good. Who would admire a freaky lizard who has no girlfriend? I don't know! Certainly not me! Plus, all the good ones are taken."
"Bob!" Cindy gasped, offended. "I cannot believe my ears!"
Her boyfriend shrugged. "Then you'd better start to. See you, Cindy!"
Cindy shook her head. "Oh, no you don't, Bob! I never want to talk to you again! I am officially dumping you!" And with that, Cindy turned and ran off.
"Does this mean you're not my girlfriend anymore?" Clearly, Bob is more self-centered than one could possibly imagine, and poor Cindy would be forced to speak to Bob again, even though she vowed not to. But that's not for a while.
Anyhow, Bob moved on along the streets until he came to the Really Smart Guy's shop. The Really Smart Guy was really smart. He was, of course, a mouse, who made himself seem big and brave. He was known as the Really Smart Guy by everyone in the town.
Bob walked into the the Really Smart Guy's shop. "Er--uh--hello?" Bob called, hoping a mouse would come out from the back of the dim, dusty shop as soon as he stepped inside.
"I'll be right with you," said the mouse, whose real name was Mouse. He then scampered right on up to Bob and almost knocked him over. "What's your problem?"
Bob stared at the little guy. See, Bob had always thought he was the smartest person on the face of this planet--or any other, for that matter--and had never had a problem he couldn't try to solve on his own.
"Well, I happen to be a very bored person," Bob began. "So I decided I wanted to go on an adventure, right?" The little mouse nodded as if he understood. "See, my problem is that I can't think of an adventure that's worthy of me." Bob peered at the mouse, eager for an answer.
"I see," said Mouse. "I'll tell you what. I can help you. And you can help me and another billion people, too. All you must do is find me a name."
Standing there, Bob was dumbstruck. "What?! That's all? That is not an adventure worthy of me!"
Mouse laughed. "Oh, yes, it is."
Bob laughed with him. "This is all some joke, right? You already have a name. It's 'The REally Smart Guy," Bob assured him. "That's a name. And if you want a new one, all I have to do is think of one and name you. I could do it right now. See? Let me think. Andrew. There we go. That's your new name. Was that so hard?"
Mouse chuckled. "No, no," he said. "It's not that easy. No. Actually, it's fairly complicared. You must take a journey. A long one, of course. To the Bird over the Lake. He hovers on an island in the middle of a lake, not so far from here. He's fairly large and dangerous. He has a kind twin brother. You must not confuse him for his twin. Defeat the evil one, then go to his brother, who is nice and...small. He's a bird. Once you reach him, tell him of your defeat. He'll show you the Island of Names, which is really far away from here. The island contains many names. You probably got your name there. You must find the one that glows; that means it's overripe, and it'll be mione. It will be large, yet small; very powerful, yet at the same time, meek. Grab it carefully and place it in a jar. Be careful not to bruise it. Fly with it over to the island of the giant. As the giant for a maiden mouse. He won't give her up, and I'm sure of it. Once he has refused, defeat him. He's fairly stupid. He would be easy to defeat, but whatever you do, do not kill him. Don't even maim him. Once you're finished with him, bring the maiden to me, and the name, too. All will be well then. You'll get a reward. A large reward. Plus, you won't be bored anymore."
Bob blinked. "Can you write that down for me?"
Mouse chuckled again. "Yeah. Sure! And a map. Be here....be here tomorrow morning to set off. Also...I need your name."
The lizard smiled. "I prefer to be called Bob. Bob the lizard. Thank you very much."
Bob woke up bright and early the next morning so he would be ready for his new and improved adventure. Before he left his house, Bob called his boss to tell him that he wouldn't be in work for the next few weeks. Then he left.
When Bob got to the Really Smart Guy's shop for the second time in his life, he thought of the publicity he would get for saving the planet. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder and whirled around on his scaly feet. "Hark! Who goes--oh, hey, R.S.G.!" Bob said, and sure enough, it was Mouse himself.
"Hi, Bob," said Mouse. "Nice reflexes. Er, I have all the equiptment out back. Come." Bob followed the mouse around the shop to a beautiful garden with lots of hovering trees and tall flowers. "Here it is. Your stuff."
Bob looked around the garden. Right in front of him was his stuff. It contained enough food to last him for weeks, a small tent, a backpack full of clothes, and another thing, which was out of his small, confined world. He stared at it, gaping. He pointed at it, unable to speak. He even poked its shiny surface. "Is that...?" Bob stuttered.
"Yes, Bob, it's a Go-Cart," finished Mouse, grinning.
Bob and Mouse packed the miracle Go-Cart with all of the stuff Bob would need, and then drove it to the village. Then they climbed out to admire it in all of its glory.
"Bob," Mouse instructed, "Press this button," he pointed to a little blue one, "to make the cart fly. Press this one to make it swim, and this one to return it to its normal driving state. If it's already normal, then DON'T press that button; it's an ejection seat." Bob nodded, taking it all in. "Ready, Bob?" Mouse asked, a little unsure.
"Certainly," said Bob. "Bob the lizard is ready to fly!"
"Not yet," said Mouse, chuckling. "You need to get inside the vehicle first."
"Oh." So Bob climbed inside the Go-Cart, buckled up, and started the fancy automobile's engine. "Am I ready now?" Bob asked, a little nervous.
"Yes," said the Really Smart Guy. "Yes, but you've got yo be careful!"
The vehicle began to pull away and get some lift.
"Be very careful, Bob! If you don't, something horrible may happen!" And that was the last Bob heard of Mouse for a very long time.
Within a few hours of flying, Bob grew very tired. This is so boring! Why can't I play a game, or...I have an idea! Bob was over the water, so he decided to test out the submarine version of the Go-Cart. He thought, Why not? So Bob went right ahead and pressed the green button. Immediately, the Go-Cart pulled a lid over itself and plopped into the water. It then sank a few feet into the water and propelled itself forward.
"Cool!" Bob said as he controlled the Go-Cart. "I wish I actually owned this! Too bad it's only rented." He kept his eyes forward. There was an endless amount of water ahead of him, and all sorts of fish zigzagged back and forth around the Go-Cart. Some were blue and some were green. Others were beautiful shades of orange and purple. Bob even thought he saw a barf-green fish.
Eventually, Bob got used to the fish flying all around him. He settled himself comfortably into the seat and continued on.
After about two hours underwater, Bob decided to fly once again so he could see what time of day it was, and maybe find a place to stretch and sleep. He pressed the blue button. Immediately, Bob's Go-Cart was in the air again.
Bob looked at the sky. Sure enough, the sun was setting. The sunset was an amazing spectrum of colors. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, voilet, turquoise, maganta...every color imaginable. Bob could tell it was amazing an beautiful, and he couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, it was more beautiful than himself. Bob pondered on it and decided that yes, this sunset was much more beautiful than him. But nothing else was. Not even Cindy. Especially not Cindy.
As Bob thought of Cindy and how much fun he was having without her, a spec of land crept up on the Go-Cart. It was still about ten miles off, but if he'd squinted hard, Bob could have seen it. But he was busy talking to himself.
"Bob, do you know how handsome you are?" he asked himself. He pulled an abnormally large mirror out of his pocket to admire himself.
"Yes, I do," said Bob. "But do you know how intelligent you are?" Bob asked himself, raising a reptilian eyebrow.
"I'm more than intelligent!" he told himself. "I'm brilliant. I'm irresistible! Look out, Bob, 'cause here I come!"
Bob sighed. "Oh no you don't! I'm the best!"
"I'm the best!" he echoed.
"Yes, I am the BEST!" Bob shouted.
If only Bob had looked out the window...Bob could have clearly seen the land by now. All he would have had to do was turn on his headlights...
"Hey, Bob," Bob called to himself.
Bob blinked. "What?" he asked himself.
"I'm gonna turn on the headlights," he said. "Is that all right?"
He nodded. "Whatever," Bob responded, then pretended to fall asleep.
He sat up and turned on the headlights of the Go-Cart. Bob gazed into the darkness. He gazed and glard, and even screwed up his eyes, and then he saw it. Right ahead, there was land. This land was an island, but it was the perfect size to camp on.
Bob lowered the Go-Cart onto the island. The then pressed the "normal" button and drove to the center of the island for protection from the tides.
"I will stake camp here," he declared as he stepped out of the Go-Cart. He pulled out a stake for his tent and stepped forward.
"I officially stake camp here," he proclaimed. He looked at the ground. How curious. The grass looked like it was made of giant green feathers. It was softer than usual, too. Oh, well, Bob thought. All the better if the land was comfier. He raised the stake and jammed it into the ground. It didn't go in at all. In fact, when he tried to force it into the ground, he swore he heard a noise, like maybe...a bird squawking? Only this noisse filled the night air. How strange these lands are, thought Bob as he pulled the whole tent out of the Go-Cart. As he did this, the land seemed to move. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought. Wait! Those aren't my lines. Sorry, Alice! Bob thought quickly. He laid the stick down and decided that maybe he should sleep in the Go-Cart tonight.
He looked over to the Northern end of the island. There seemed to be a large peak which looked like...a bird's head. "Strange," Bob said aloud. "This island should be called 'Bird Island.'" Bob observed quietly. Unfortunately, Bob had never liked any birds except for Kyle because for one reason or another, they always wanted to eat him. This made Bob uneasy. Maybe there were birds on this island and they were hiding from him and spying on him at that very moment. Bob shivered at the thought.
He kept working and tried to jam another stake into the ground. The queerest thing happened--the gournd seemed to shift and the grass seemed to stand up straighter. Bob couldn't, however, tell if his eyes were just tricking him.
Bob tried to jam one more stake into a softer part of the ground. There, thought Bob, that ought to do it. I am now convinced that I should sleep in the Go-Cart. Bob started to pick up the four stakes and the tent's body.
"What do you think you're doing?" said a raspy voice.
"Oh, I'm just putting away my tent," said Bob unwarily. "Why?" he asked.
"Well," said the voice, "I really don't appreciate your maiming my body. It kind of...oh, how should I put it?...hurts. And also, you're kind of...causing my back to itch. I prefer and itch-less sleep." The voice's source sounded irritated.
"Well, where else--hey! Who are you? And where are you?" asked Bob, finally catching on.
"Well, I'm a bird. A sleepy bird. My name is Sarie. I would really like to get some sleep. And by the way, you're on my back. I'm a bird, not an island, you see," said Sarie loudly.
"Oh..." Bob replied. His brain started to tick. Hadn't he heard something somewhere about a giant bird? Oh, yeah! He had. R.S.G. had told Bob he had to defeat a giant, evil bird. He had to defeat this bird. But the bird would be hovering over and island, and he would be menacing. This bird didn't sound evil or menacing. It wasn't hovering, either. Plus, Bob was pretty sure that "Sarie" was a girl's name.
He looked back up at the peak to the north. It was a bird's head. And it was an evil-looking bird's head, too.
"Sorry," Bob mumbled. "I'll take the stakes out and make camp elsewhere. Hey, do you know where I can find a giant bird who's evil and hovers above an island?" He figured it wouldn't hurt to at least inquire.
Sarie nodded. "Yeah, I do. In fact, I happen to be that bird you're looking for. I can even take you to my brother if you want...but all I ask is that you change me back to my normal size and please don't kill me. You don't know how many little adventurer guys have tried to do that. It's so annoying.
Bob thought about this offer. Maybe this dealmaking business wasn't so bad after all. Every time Bob made a deal, he got exactly what he wanted. No harm was ever done to him. Even if the deal was something like "Bob cooks his hand in the oven in public and gets fifteen dollars for doing so," Bob wouldn't have to cook his hand, but he'd still get the cash. He was a cheater, yes, but a very good one.
"It's a deal," Bob said, crossing his fingers behind his back. "But how did you get to be such an abnormal size?"
Sarie sighed. She had told this story so many times before. "It's a long story," she told Bob. "Once upon a time, I was a small yellow songbird. I had a brother, and we were always, always happy together. One day, a human scientist shot me down with a tranquilizer gun. That hurt a ton. Turns out that guy wanted to experiment on me."
This scientist, named Ken, had this huge dream to change me into a giant bird that was beautiful, like his own variation of a swan. So he experimented and experimented with chemicals, medicines, and all sorts of solids, liquids, gases, and even plasmas. Finally, he thought he had come up with the solution he needed. He fed me some sunflower seeds, and I remember I ate them. But...but I shouldn't have."
As I swallowed them, I began to change. I definitely became larger. I know I was no longer a bird of only seven inches. I was now a bird of seven feet. My color changed, too. He'd somehow placed some blue material in the seeds, so my feathers changed from yellow to green. I no longer looked adorable and pretty. I looked...ugly and...evil. My beautiful, soft singing voice was far from soft. It was loud, raspy, and tuneless. I was ashamed."
Ken didn't know what to do with me. He thought about putting me on display at the zoo, but he reasoned that I would only scare people away. He could've shown me to the other scientists, but they would've shunned him for doing such an evil thing. He, himself, my creator, was afraid of me. Who wouldn't be? So he placed me on the island where my brother lives."
I visited my brother once or twice, but when he saw me, he didn't believe it was me. He sent we away, never to come back. He thought I was a liar! I didn't know where to go, so I took a swim in this lake to calm me down. I went under the water because I felt daring and angry. To my surprise, I found I could breathe as well underwater as I could above! So that's why I sleep with my head under all the time. But I still felt terrible. So every day from then on, I've revisited the island. The animals who live there are terrified of me. I don't blame them, though. I, too, would be afraid if I were a tiny creature who saw a humongous bird who turned out to be a science project gone totally haywire."
Bob nodded and blinked. He felt sorry for Sarie; she was a sweet bird on the inside, but she'd been totally twisted and warped on the outside. She might've even been sweeter than Bob. Just maybe. Bob sat down on her back and pondered for a moment. Yes, Sarie was sweeter than Bob. But nothing else was. Not even Cindy. Especially not Cindy.
"I'll do it," said Bob quietly. "But what do I have to do, exactly?" He wasn't all that sure he could do anything of the sort at such a desparate time.
Sarie sighed. "Go to the Serpentine Falls. Take a glass of water. Whatever you do, DON'T drink it. It's poisonous. If you do end up drinking it, you'll suffer and die a slow and painful death."
Bob held his breath at just the thought of death. He couldn't die just yet!
"What else do I have to do?"
"Hmm..." Sarie thought hard. "You need to take a rattlesnake from the Falls and snatch the Black Widow in her darkest hour. Bring them to me; I'll do the rest. Oh," Sarie remembered that Bob was a little...lost. "The Falls are North. The Gallows are South. The Gallows are where the Widow lives. Remember that. And I suggest you go to the Gallows first, since it's already ten o'clock. And remember, come back here. I'll be waiting right here."
Bob climed back into the Go-Cart. He was going to be flying in style. "North first, right?" Bob asked Sarie.
She shook her head. "South first. And don't stop to ask for directions!"
Bob lifted off and flew South. Gee, this was gonna be hard.
After about an hour of flying, Bob could see some cliffs ahead. The Gallows must be near there. He looked at the cliffs closely. It was dark, but with his headlights on, Bob could see some grass and trees.
Bob flew over the cliff and then looked around. There were plenty of trees, but there was no noticable place to hang someone. Bob landed his Go-Cart and fell asleep.
Heyy, this isn't done yet--I need to keep copying it onto my computer. I wrote it in 7th grade as a 37-page short story, and I actually got a 94 on it--and THAT'S because I didn't know we needed a title page; otherwise I would've gotten a 100. I don't even think my teacher really read the whole story! She prolly zoned out and thought, "I hate this. It's dumb," and then gave me nearly full credit. I DID notice that she missed some spelling and grammar errors...aargh. Well, this is the original Bob the Lizard adventure. R&R, please! Toodles!