Where should I start?

Where should I begin to tell you the story of how I became?

Maybe I'll start with how with how I began.

One of my earliest memories are of Daddy saying he was gonna hurt Mommy,

All the while Mommy was at church praying to God.

I don't remember Daddy ever saying he was sorry.

When I was a child not even in school yet my sisters had each other.

They never let me be included.

I was always being excluded.

I had TV and my Mother but I wanted more so I prayed.

Soon I got a brother.

Together we grew and I knew I had to keep him from hearing my Daddy and going through what I went through.

I wanted to protect him badly.

I wanted to keep the loneliness at bay so I took him outside for hours to play.

Books and TV were an escape for me, my retreat.

And I thank God for my writing, my only release to ease the pain from all my memories.

My Mother taught me the psalms and of God.

She told me in these would I truly find peace.

Through the years my Father continued to drink, cuss, and fuss at my Mother.

I learned the art of blending in,

the art of saying the right thing to win people over.

While in school I excelled, all my friends got expelled.

Each day I'd come home to the smell of West Indian stew and calilou.

A tinge of beer in the air,

A fringe of fear in the air.

What will he say?

What will he do?

Never knowing what will set him off, never knowing the issue.

This is what made me.

This is how I became a loner,

from always being alone.

This is how I became defensive.

So many things I heard from young was offensive.

This is how I became a car addict;

my brother loved them and was a total fanatic.

This is how I became a wrestling expert.

My father was fond of it.

It was my only was to bond with him.

This is how I became angry and untrusting.

He never gave me anything to trust.

This is how I became a drama queen.

I had so many traumas as a teen.

This is how I became because this is how I began,

with Daddy saying he was gonna hurt Mommy and Daddy never saying sorry.