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Emotional Medley
Bridgette Viktoria Reinheart
Every Time
"Gabby! Come on to Prom!" Kayla pleaded with me over the phone.
I rolled my eyes, "Kayla, NO!" I protested I have a mind like firm cement, but Kayla could usually make me change my mind. This time was different, my mind and body protested this one.
"Why not, Gabbers?" Kayla protested.
"Quit, calling me Gabbers!" I yelled into the phone.
Then a voice from down stairs, "Gabrielle? Are tu alright?"
"Fine Père! Just fine!" I called back, "Kayla, just drop it alright."
"No! You are going to prom!" She said forcefully. I closed my eyes and thought back to a few months ago.
FLASHBACK…………..
"Gabrielle, if it's not happy it's not over, you hear me?" He said touching my hand.
I nodded tears filling my eyes, this was the end, and there was no way up, only down deeper and deeper.
"Okay, come on. Kayla's waiting."
END………..
"So why not, Gabby, you haven't answered that!" Kayla pressed on.
"I just know that no matter what you say it will backfire and all of you will have dates!" I protested knowing Jocelyn was pretty much guaranteed a date, she was simply a knock out! Cassy was well on her way to meeting her "potential" prom date. She's so outgoing that she'll have no problem! Emma is a dude magnet at clubs so no problems for her. Me, I'm just too serious and fallen to get a date!
"I'm going by myself!" Kayla protested once again.
"You are one out of how many of my friends?" I questioned!
Kayla sighed, "FINE! I'll go as your date! We'll have fun together!" I laughed heartily at this but didn't accept it too well. "WHAT?"
I smiled, "Kayla, that won't work there is this mental block about me and dances! I step in there and my mind flips out! It starts screaming, "THIS IS NOT WHERE YOU BELONG! GET OUT OF HERE!" And obviously I can't just get up and leave!"
" But if you didn't have this… let's call it a mental block… would you go?" Kayla asked.
"Yes." I said knowing how she was going to twist this.
Kayla said, "Alright, now if you didn't have this mental block would you like to go?"
"Yes, I think I would." I responded part of me really wanted to go but my mind said no way no how!
"There! So now that my theory is proved I'll talk to you tomorrow and training starts then! Bye now!" Kayla said as she hung up. Then the tears began to fall.
I whispered, "You don't get it, Kayla, everytime I try to fly I fall with out my wings. I feel so small. I guess I need him still." I went into my room and pulled out a picture and stared at it a familiar face with gorgeous blue eyes and a caring smile shown back at me this was my angel he'd always rescue me, this was Dawson. He was my lifeblood. He was me, and without him there is no me. But without me he is still Dawson, the attractive, brainy, musical genius I met so long ago. Yet, I never got to say, "I love you more than anything else!" To him it was always, "I really like you." Kinda of a far gap! Especially since I am a strong catholic and believe when I say to someone not family related, "I Love You" It means I would do anything to make that person happy before my own happiness! And Dawson never saw that desire in me to make him happy. I wanted that so badly, but without me he's happy and I got what I said. I put his happiness before mine at the cost of my own happiness!
I lay on the bed staring into the sky of my cream ceiling. I reached up and grabbed my remote. Then turning my TV onto radio mode I flickered through until I heard the loveliest song:
" And everytime I try to fly ;I fall without my wings. I feel so small ,I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams. I see your face, it's haunting me I guess I need you baby "
And how true that was, I was still longing to be with Dawson and his face still haunted my dreams. And in my mind I still needed to be with Dawson! Then the truest lyrics rang:
"At night I pray, that soon your face will fade away………….. And everytime I try to fly ;I fall without my wings. I feel so small I guess I need you baby. And everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face, it's haunting me I guess I need you baby."
I lay there praying his face would fade from my memory and yet it won't. Dawson carved into my heart in a way like none other. He was embedded into my memories; left there like Marly was. So close and yet so far away. But I still wished that my "one chapter is not torn out of the book but translated into a better language". I wanted to go on.
