Paranoia of a Sinner

Why do I keep on doing this to myself?
I know what’s right from wrong
I know what’s keeping me from the Father
But I keep on doing the same mistakes

I can’t put myself at ease
No matter how hard I try to find peace
Guilt plays this way
It can hold one’s faith at sway

And so comes fear sitting in my brow
Will I ever get myself out of this mess?
Will I ever make myself pleasing to the Father?
Will He look at me the way He looked at me?

Will I let this sin drive me away from His domain?
I feel so lost, so dirtied and so far away
I can’t look at Him; I am so afraid and so ashamed
This is the paranoia of a sinner

So many times I stand before Him
And so many times I turn and walk away
Far so many times He called my name
But I was so drunk from sin to hear Him

I’m tired of running and hiding
I am so naïve to run away from Him
When it all comes down to one thing
I will always come back to Him

Heavenly Father,
I need some time alone with you…

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a/n: I was once asked, “If disasters and deaths can’t shake your faith, what then shakes your faith?” I answered, “Myself and my own sinfulness. Jesus, most of the time, saves me from myself.” I did it again hence the fruition of this poem.