It started with a bag of crisps.

Don’t know why it started there,

But it did.

We hang around with each other more after that.

You were always so sweet and always made me laugh.

Your eyes were blue.

Your hair shone baby blonde in the sun.

I don’t remember who asked whom out.

Maybe it was me.

I usually started things.

It was fine at first.

You seemed to love me.

You sat with me every lunch.

It’s hard to believe that a boy this sweet,

Would cheat on me with one of my friends.

It’s such a stupid thing that I took you back after she dumped you.

Guess that’s what I am…stupidly blind,

We stayed together another four years.

I guess you could call the gaps in-between,

When I dated the other boys,

My little escape,

For what I returned to was my little nightmare.

I had a sleepover for my birthday, my friends came over,

I stayed up all night, then dropped them back, and then went to sleep,

I nearly cried in horror when I found you in my bed.

Thank god, you hadn’t done anything.

Curse my brother for letting you in though.

Then you were violent.

I guess it was scary the first time,

Knowing you had tried to hurt me.

Knowing you wanted me dead.

Then there was the time you pushed me into moving traffic,

That hurt, thank god, they missed.

Or the time when you tried to push me off a bridge.

It’s so damn lucky I have a good grip.

Then you tried to strangle me.

That hurt.

I still stayed with you even through this.

God, I was stupid.

But the time you came closest,

Was the time I learnt not too trust anymore.

We swam together once with the school.

You grabbed my leg.

Pulled me under for what seemed like eternity.

Then you realized you didn’t have the heart to kill anything,

As pathetic as me.

As I came up for air, gasping, nearly crying,

My eyes met yours, baby blue,

And I saw something I’d never seen before,

Sympathy.

You weren’t my boyfriend after that.

I tried dating other guys.

You called me a slut.

You bit me.

And kicked me.

Tried to rape me on the bus.

I stopped dating because of you.

You took all my belief in love.

And replaced it with self-loathing.

Dreams were replaced with nightmares.

I still can’t sleep now.

The very thought of you frightens me to a brink of suicide.

The very worst thing you’ve ever done to me though,

Was not hitting me, or cheating on me, or even trying to rape me.

No, Adam, it was none of these.

The worst thing you did to me Adam,

Hurt a lot more,

Because when you did it to me Adam,

It re-opened old wounds.

Did you think it fair Adam,

To tell me just as I was getting over you,

That you love me?

The truth is Adam,

After all you did to me,

All I can think now,

Is that there is no such thing as love,

There is just obsession,

Hatred and lust.

That’s all I got from being with you.

I lost a hell of a lot more.