Life Sucks

Author's Notes-- Has anyone else noticed the increase in teenage, angsty, drama stories? People who write stories about their lives, trying to weed sympathy from their audience, and some how, succeed! There's been a huge rise of this, especially amongst my friends, and I can't take it any more. You want drama? I'll give you drama! Damn it! I'll give you a story about a girl who has to deal with over-dramatic teen problems, stupidity all around her, and trying not to become one of the mindless drones. I warn you, this is a parody of angsty teen drama, and I will brutally make-fun of it. And, in true genre form, I'll take people from my life, including myself, and change their names. Whoo!

Okay, so all the characters are supposed to represent my friends, but luckily they do not act like that...much...Erm, J/K... More the less I'm making them into horrible people. Sorry guys! I still love you!

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Alice sighed as she slowly walked into the lunch room, from third hour orchestra. Another day of dealing with lunch hour dramatics. Nothing could beat that.

Her table was already filled to the bursting point with her friends, all chattering away and choking down the greasy school food. Some were lucky enough to get food from the vending machine, but in general they were stuck with that days cheddar-worst...dirty images floated into her mind as she watched her best friend, Clarissa, biting into one of the akwardly shaped meat bi-product.

"Hey," Alice muttered, placing her bag on the table, which was covered in dust. Clarissa continues knawing on her "food", which was swimming in a disgusting amount of ketchup. She moved her head to the side, showing some reconition. Another sigh escaped Alice's lips, as she dug in her back pack for the combos she had purchased before Industrial Tech. I know I put them in there...maybe stupid Mark stole them...he was looking at my back pack today...I'm going to fucking kick his ass-HEY! Here they are...yummy, cheese combos.

With the combos safely wedged into her hoody pocket, Alice began to listen to today's chatter. Amber, a blonde haired girl, sporting a happy bunny hoodie, was circulating some sob-story about not being able to go to the next school dance.

"I can't go because my room's not clean! It's like, if you want it to be clean, why don't you clean it yourself? I was totally pissed off! I swear I'm going to fucking kill him!" She said, dramatically as possible. It was time for Alice to intervine.

"It's not that bad. A lot of people have it worst than you." She pointed out. Amber glared at her a little and turned back to her audience.

"Yeah, like I know there are a ton of kids and puppies starving in like China and Australia, and Deleware, but come on! This is the United States! I should be able to go to the dance if I want." She yelled. Alice sighed, and popped a few combos in her mouth. Nothing like teenage angst.

"Why?!" Clarissa cried suddenly, dropping her hot dog like substance on the floor.

"Why what?" Alice mumbled.

"WHY?!" She wailed, looking at the bloody looking ketchup smear on the filthy school floors.

"Clarissa, calm the fuck down! What's wrong?!" Alice yelled, loosing what ever patience she had with her friend.

"He's so hot! Why do I have to wait five years before I can go out with him? I love him so much! I know he's twenty-one and I'm only fourteen, but it could work! Don't you think he's hot, Al?" Clarissa looked dreamily at the puddle of ketchup on her plate, and began writing the word "Jim" in it, with a little heart surrounding it.

"...He's my brother..." Alice growled. "I really don't appreciate you talking about him like that..."

"Yeah, well if my brother was Chris Cornell, you'd be the same way!" She screamed.

"Erm, probably not. If your brother were Chris Cornell, he'd be fourty, and I most certainly wouldn't buy him a TV for Christmas, or give him a lock of my pubic hair..." Alice muttered.

"I can't believe you! You would too!" Clarissa squealed, and stormed out of the room, leaving the ketchup covered tray at her seat. Alice smiled a little and moved her back pack to her friends seat.

While she was busy, squibbling in her journal about how much she hated people, her friend Felicity ran up behind her, smashing a bottle of Mt. Lightning over her head.

"WTF?!" Alice screamed, hiding her precious journal from the slight splash of pop. Felicity laughed and kicked Alice's back pack off of the seat, sitting down next to her.

"Hi!" She said. Alice grimaced a little and tenderly put her journal into her back pack.

"Hey...where's McDonald?" She asked, refering to Felicity's senior boyfriend.

"Oh, he's getting me food...cause I need it...and stuff..." She replied.

"I see..." She gulped down the hunks of combo in her mouth. "I need to finish my Biology homework..." Biology was really chemistry, but because the school system required a special license for chemistry teachers, they now refered to it as biology.

"Yeah, I should do mine too. But I won't." Felicity said. Alice nodded, and proceded fishing around for hers. Eventually McDonald came back, handing her a tray of food, with some disturbing looking yellow substance on it. Lunch just seemed to pass by, until the bell screached it's horrible song, and Alice gathered up her things, heading to art class.

The class was empty, except for her friend Shelly, who she sat next to quickly.

"Hi Battie!" Shelly cried when she walked in. "Battie" was what Shelly had decided to be Alice's nickname, being convinced she was a vampire.

"Hey," She replied, getting out a pencil and eraser. "Did you write any more of your story?"

Shelly was an amazing writer, and had told Alice all about an idea she had come up with. But for the past few weeks, she hadn't gotten past the first two paragraphs.

"Erm...no...I...um...my yetti ate it!" She squeaked.

"Yetti?" She asked.

"Yes...my Yetti..." She muttered. The rest of the class filed in, including Shelly's friend, Arin, who sat at the table with them.

"Hi guys." She said, throwing her stuff to the side. "How are you today?"

"Fine." Alice muttered.

"Good!" Exclaimed Shelly.

"I'm great. Thanks for asking." Arin said. Art class went on, they painted trees.

Alice was not proud of her painting, but knew it was somewhat better than others. "Nothing I draw is ever any good...I suck at everything...I should just die..."

"How do you like mine?" Arin asked, holding up her picture. It looked like a badly done squiggly line, with a few dots here and there, that were pink instead of green. Alice put on a fake smile.

"Oh, I love it! It's so cool!" She said, with fake enthusiasm.

"Yeah, it's awesome!" Shelly said.

"Yeah, I know, I love it...I love me!" And so went art class. Next was biology.

Going into Mrs. Malificent's room was like walking into the waiting room of the emergency room. Everyone looked solemn, expecting some sort of bad news. Alice found her seat and let her head fall on the desk. Three more minutes until hell froze over and Satan came to teach. Before long, Jeorald, her other friend, ran up behind her, muttering things in some weird language.

"WTF?..." She mumbled, knowing all to well what the fuck.

"What level are you?!" Jeorald squealed. Alice blinked.

"Level? I don't-" She began.

"I mean, like I'm a level 5 black mage, what are you?"

"...Just sit down...please..." Alice sighed. Jeorald did so, but continued to bother her with the last few minutes of class remaining. Suddenly, the bell screamed and the entire room went icy cold. Twenty-five back straightened in their tiny seats, as a terror so horrible, I can not even describe it, walked through the door.

"Class!" She yelled.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Malicifent." The class echoed.

"I was disappointed on yesterday's surprise test scores, only two people passed, I thought you knew about the reproductive system." She said.

"Um...but we haven't learned about it yet..." One of the nameless cried. Blood red eyes glared down at the student, who grimaced and backed up in his seat.

"Today we have a lab! Everyone! Go meet your lab partner and do...stuff!" She screeched. Everyone scurried to their lab, including Alice and her friend/lab partner, Daryl.

"Hi," She said to him, as they both grabbed lab equipment from the drawer.

"Don't talk to me you depresive gothic whore! I'm going to kill your bunnies!" He growled, almost tossing a beaker at her. She smiled.

"I'm glad to see you're doing well today." She said. She wasn't exagerating either, you should have seen Daryl on a bad day.

"I hate you! You should go kill yourself! You're only being depressive for attetion!" He yelled.

"Oh shut up, Daryl..." She muttered, her cheeks flushing. She knew that what he said was very true but, she did not know how he had figured it out. She grabbed the rest of the equipment, and Biology flashed by.

In the hall, between the Spanish room, English 9A, and Biology, Clarissa (who still was refusing to talk to Alice), Jeorald, and Clover all stood. Alice leaned against one of the lockers and sighed dramatically.

"I hate school, I think I'm going to kill myself..." She mumbled.

"That's nice." Clover said, cheerful as usual, grabbing a chunk of Jeoralds brown mullet and pulling on it. Jeorald squeaked, and began to run away as fast as possible. Clover giggled, even as he took off, leaving a chunk of his hair and bloody sculp behind. All three girls looked at the chunk of hair, and Clover shoved it in her mouth.

"Really...I think I will...I'll take a shot gun to my head, or break open the zebra shed at the zoo, or-" Alice continued, even though Clover was now talking to another one of her friends, and Clarissa was inside by then.

She sighed even louder, and upon not getting Clover's attention, she wandered into the English classroom. All the people in there somehow resembled monkeys, and as class went on, showed about the intellegence of a sheep. Accelerated English my ass.

"Who has any questions about the test?" Mrs. Vanger asked, after teaching her class about concentration camps and WWII.

"Yeah, what's a kapo?" Someone asked. Alice twitched as Mrs. Vanger explained it to the confused student.

"Any other questions?"

"So let me get this straight, a Kapo is a scapegoat, which is a thing to clean the lawn with?" Chelsea, the stupidest girl in class asked. Alice began to twitch all over.

"...No...I just said a kapo was a jew/war prisoner, set up to control the blocks and work at the concentration camp, by force." Mrs. Vagner said.

"WHAT'S IRONY?!" Someone screamed. Alice began to beat her head with a very large reading book.

After school, Alice hurried to her locker, or at least tried to hurry. The halls were congested with slow moving people, talking amongst each other about Rap music and the likes. Alice gritted her teeth and pushed pass best she could. It seemed to her like the crowd was moving as slow as humanely possible, just to make her already miserable life, worst.

Eventually she got to her locker, and managed to grab her coat, still having time to run to the bus. But before she could get there, she rammed into Dale, her boyfriend. He smiled at her shyly and waved.

"Hey, Alice, do you have a second?" He asked.

"Erm...not really...my bus will be here any second..." She muttered.

"GREAT! I wrote you another poem!" He said happily, getting a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. Alice grimaced, knowing she would more than likely miss the bus and have to listen to sappy love poetry, but smiled sweetly at him.

"Hurry it up..." She growled.

"For you, Alice, are like the sun, and I, Dale, am like the East..." Dale began. Alice then noticed a yellow blurb roll buy the window...the bus!

"Shit!" She screamed. "It was great Dale, but I have to go!" Then she dashed to the bus, leaving a hurt looking Dale behind. She made it just in time, as some people began to board the bus. Her friend, Alvira, was standing in line patiently waiting to get on.

"Hi," She said. Alice nodded, trying to catch her breath.

"I-...wait...this line seems...empty...where are the-?" As if on call, the glass doors blew open to the school. Alvira didn't even have the chance to yell "run" before, ten, no, fifty preps raced towards the open bus doors. Alice almost screamed, being caught in the stampede. She made it just out of the way, as a huge football player was smashed against the side of the bus.

The mass of preps pushed and shoved, kicking and biting and screaming, on to the bus, as if their survival depended on being on first.

"God damn it, where'd I put that spork I sharpened during English?" Alvira growled, searching in her back pack. She was barely audiable over the swarming crowd but Alice managed to shrug. Before Alvira could find her beloved spork, the bus area lay deselent, 'cept the remains of the fallen and some dust clouds. Alice sighed, and stepped over one of the unfortunates, climbing on to the bus, followed by Alvira. No where to sit. Go figure.

Alice found a seat, next to one of the little kids. He was chewing on his colar, and before long, had started licking the window. Alice shuddered, and noted to never sit in seat 3 on the bus, ever again.

The rest of the bus ride went by uneventfully, except for the bloody fight that occured over which jock's girlfriend was hotter. At home, Alice found no peace from the stupidity.

"Mom...is it true that all celebrities are gay?" Asked Alice's little brother. She glared at him, and continued poking at her dinner of greasy tacos.

"...No..." Alice's mother muttered, stuffing the taco in her mouth.

"Oh...err...are peas good for you?" He asked, this time eating some of his peas. Alice twitched and stormed off to her room. Silence. She flipped on the switch for her CD player and some Tool music began blaring. Nothing like metal to forget your day. She reached into her book bag and took out her journal.

I hate everyone...I think I'll go kill myself tonight so I don't have to deal with the stupidity...I hate people...I hate myself. People should die. I'm gonna go drown myself. I-...

"Hey! The wheel's on!" Alice exclaimed, scrambling for the remote and turning on Wheel of Fortune just in time to glance her hero, Vanna White.

END