What’s in a name I say
For that in which we don’t know any other way
Cries speak for themselves everyday

She was something I couldn’t know
But when I tried my luck she had to go
I stare and stare, it turns my mind blank
Do I want to forget her? My heart could never forsake

I looked over, she was mine
For and only that moment in time
She belonged to me, so clearly
I held her tightly, something she failed to see

Isn’t there something I’m supposed to learn?
Now I feel the pain, it only burns
Scorches for her, she doesn’t want me to
My safest place to hide, she was my truth

Kissing me, feeling what’s real
It’s OK, I couldn’t know how to feel
Spinning around soundlessly I cry in this face
Tolerating my findings up this lost grace

Aurora’s POV

November 2, 2004

Today was… wow, what a week! My whole life I’ve been fighting and now, something gives me a second chance. I’m keeping this journal to record pretty much everything that happens in my life. Which is great because I’m really happy now. I really thrilled that I’m not on the streets anymore. Like I’ll ever forget about that again. Knowing all I’ve been through, probably not. Just in my nature of things I guess.

So many cool things have happened to me I really don’t know where to start. It seems like I’ve known these girls my whole life. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about me in these past few weeks. I really don’t know where to start with Fi. She is just a burst of life and something I believed I never knew existed. She’s like a teddy bear to me. I feel I can come to her with anything and I know I’ll be OK even if the problem doesn’t get solved. I feel free talking to her. Out of all the girls, she was the one who accepted me without question. Reminds me of Forrest Gump in a way I suppose. She might as well would have invited me to have a seat next to her on a bus. I haven’t really has a spare moment to reflect and relax upon certain fixations.

She’s taught me to never give into unsure circumstances. I still in that process of honing it on point but it should take some time. Figured, by God’s given luck I’ve recently been granted, I hope nothing should tanker with my surrounds. No cops. No mistakes. No masking guilt. Above all, self control in my actions. I was controlled in such trollop ways, griping on the rightful task at hand than being steered into quick sand with no escape in the smoke-filled road.

But its going to be OK I think. Meredith thinks so. She’s a quick wit that one. I think she knows a lot more than she lets on. She really rips when she’s onto something. She reminds me of John Lennon sometimes. Like a studious party animal. She stays quiet most of the time but when she speaks her mind, it goes on a charge.

I could talk about their brother. The one with the solid glass stare. I wouldn’t dare look him straight in his eyes. But really, describing my version of him would take up this whole passage. Let’s just say, he relaxes me and its something I longed for.

Seems like this is a great start for many adventures to come. I shall conclude this passage for now. Till then…

-Aurora-

“Hey, whatcha doing girlie?” I blushed at that voice and looked up flustered.

He was all eyes, all emerald and now different specs of anonymous lights. He walks over to me with such ease and I move down as he sits on the edge of the bed. Silence covers us willingly, than I remembered he had a query for me.

“Oh, um, just writing. What’s going on with you?”

He shifted his body weight, obviously getting more close to me, “Just came back from the headquarters, why are you here all alone?”

“I wasn’t really, I mean I didn’t want to be, just, I’m kind of attached to my writing. Sorry that sounded so dorky.” I turned crimson at that.

He was trying to look at me, I could tell. But why? I didn’t understand. I stopped in my place when his hand touched my face softly and tenderly, he turned my stare into his direction. Fluidly, I’m immediately entranced, something about his eyes made me surrender instantly. I didn’t know what it was, I wasn’t about to stop it. Made my body weaken at its grasp. I am in his stare and he traces my face with those piercing razors for eyes.

I watch the his mouth opens, I don’t know what’s about to happen. “I don’t mind. What’s it about?”

I feel a chill as he slowly removes his hand from my face, I touch the place he touched as if to a warm spot which is now. I curled my lips, “Just, I don’t know, daily reminders. Boring details. It’s well, stuff I ramble about…”

There was a stale loneliness that lingered on in the room. I was calm but yet something held me back from moving. It was like I was stuck in a strange dream, a weird state of mind really. It felt like he was observing me too much. I was avoiding anything but those eyes. Anything other than looking into those pools of deep blue ices.

“Sounds really cool. Do you write anything else is it just your thoughts pretty much?” I freeze, wasn’t really ready for that.

The way Philip was looking at me gave me strange chills. I didn’t understand how any of this was happening to me. All too familiar. Strangely, I’m not escaping this time.

He raised his eyebrow, “What is it? Sorry I pried… just looked like you had something on your mind.”

Did I? I really didn’t know what to say. What good do words ever get me anyway? So I had to use them. “Where’s everyone?”

He gave a laugh at that, “Good question, no one tells me shit here so I assume everyone’s where they usually are on Westwood. Why, you miss ’em already?”

I can’t say for certain but I it was a knee jerk thing. I suddenly felt a cold numbing my skin. I found myself placing my arms around him and resting my head on his shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa, Rose, what’s up? You OK?”

It was like this yearning. There was an unbalanced need to feel comforted. I needed this. I needed his warmth. I wanted to stay here for as long as I could. I was so engulfed in what I was doing I forgot what he had asked me.
“Rose…hey,” he trailed off.

I think I did miss them. Just the fact that there was just us in the room. Something in me just cling to this survivor. I know it sounds odd, just acting this way. I know he thinks it’s weird. I haven’t said anything for a while now.

I decided to pull away but I found my body in a compromising position. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not quite together am I?”

Like I had to ask, “I hate to be the barrier of sorrow but is there something going on I should be aware of?”

I spring up slowly and compose myself. Pacing my mind clear of rugged thoughts, “No, I don’t know. It’s just the recent living situations -- being with you guys here. It’s just weird adapting to a real home I guess.”

My head bowed down slightly. I’m growing a little uncomfortable. Talking about issues like this. When do I ever really talk about them? Or really, who would listen?

I looked around the room, taking in the essence and textures. Remembering as much as I could before it was unexpectedly taken away from my eyes. I felt like I was blathering my entire life away. No matter what say its not good enough. It’s days like these I lose faith in everything. So I’ll just sit here and bewail all the troubles out. To a complete stranger no less. But a person like me. Someone who doesn’t know how things happen. I don’t think anyone knows why things really happen.

If I told someone how I really felt, like really felt beyond anything, it goes to waste. The real me does. All the trauma. All I lived for. Why bother? There is no such thing as a long, good break. There is straight up luck and the unlucky.

“I’m the lucky one I guess. I find that a little weird. It’s like a one in a million thing in life. Do you think its just luck?”

We both got a little comfortable. I could tell what he was thinking before he said anything. “I don’t really think its so much luck as it is chance meeting answered prayers. Do you pray?”

I shook my head.

“Well, do you believe in anything?”

“Yes, of course I do. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be alive. Well, in a sense.”

We faced each other sitting on our elbows. “What do you believe in?”

I gave this some thought. I wasn’t being tested I know but this was the one thing I could understand. It was the only thing I couldn’t forget as the days go by.

I begin tracing circles with my index fingernail. “Peace. Just the stillness of life; everything that’s calm. Those are the moments where you feel content about all of it. I don’t know, my beliefs are kind of out of sorts.”

He was silent for what felt like a long time but was only 10 seconds. “I’m sure you’re not ready to tell me what’s really going on. Understandable…”

“Really? How do you figure?”

“Just a vibe I’m getting. Most of life you feel people don’t really listen to you so you shut out what’s really on your mind. It’s probably hard for you to trust people too.”

I nodded, everything was true and now I’m bored, “Fairly predictable. It isn’t as black and white the way you put it.”
“Well, tell me. What’s really going on here?”

This is just UGH! Why is he putting me on the spot and why do I feel the need to come up with some kind of confession?

“Are you scared? You are, aren’t you? Why? You’re safe here. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to trust us.” God, stop it. I wish he would stay out of my head.
He was like an alien now, using telepathy to try and figure me out. This is crazy. He doesn’t know the first thing about what I’ve been through. But what happens if I start trusting again? What will happen?

I licked my lips, “It isn’t that. Well, it’s a big part of it I guess. Its more harder to get over what I’ve been through to have faith in people again. I think so many times its been too good to be true. A lot of what’s happened in my past has haunted me a lot. But just like anything else, I think I have a chance again. I hope for once my life moves forward this time.”

He motioned with his hands, “Its ok, come here. You can take the first step without being scared. I won’t let anything happen while you’re here.”

I take a deep breath and heed his order. He enveloped me in a corpulent embrace as I tried hard not to shake. I closed my eyes trying to not think of anything that could corrupt the moment. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe my days of running are done.

This was my life now. Wasn’t it? It feels I was given another chance again, that part was true. He made a promise to me. Am I crazy enough to believe him?

“OK,” I said, my voice cracking.

Justin's POV

Why the fuck was my head pounding like a mother fucker? That age old question.

I can’t seem to concentrate on work anymore. All that kept running on a permanent loop was Aurora’s words. How they grabbed at me made it more and more difficult to breathe.

This sense of longing tugged at me wildly. My mind was on overdrive sparing at full speed. Why did she lie to me? Why has she lied to me repeatedly? Is she cold? Is she still on the streets? My god, the horror of her being forced to adapt to such extremes.

I loved her, still do, and that’s the problem.

I love her so much, more than anything. I don’t care about she did. I don’t care about her past. Nothing shocks me. I accept everything. I have to find her. I’m determined more than ever now.
I heard the ring of my cell out of nowhere, “Timberlake?”

“Justin, I need you to deliver some documents to Phil’s. He forgot to come back my office today. I need you to do that and then you can leave for the day. Its Friday, I’m going early anyway.”

I nodded and pinch the spot between my eyes, “Where’s he again, sir?”

“His sister’s place, not too far from you. 378 Crescent Heights.”

“Sir, I –“

“Good, thanks. See you Monday same time.” And he clicks on that.

More shit to deal with. I almost forgot I was still at work. I rolled my eyes and start to gather up my things. I feel so weird about this stupid task. Oh well, least I get to end it early. Thank god for the end of the week.

His office door was left open. I walked over and picked up the manila folder with the documents inside. I thumbed through the folder briefly and stuffed it in my black leather case folder. I jogged over to my car and climbed inside. Douche bag still lives with his sister huh?