Punishment

-

It was all a cruel joke. I, pathetic fool of this decade, was obviously the victim, and target of this little ploy of deception. I am disgusted at my own naivety. I should have known better. Life is hard enough already.

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I writhed underneath his lean but strong frame, clawing frantically at his back as I reached my release. A surge of joy embraced my body as I watched the look of sheer contentment clouding his beautiful indigo eyes. Alex collapsed upon me, drained and breathless. Stroking my left thigh lightly, he licked my lips teasingly and whispered against them, "That was fucking wonderful. Thank you." I smiled slightly, breathing in the musky scent of sex, and basking in the serenity. After a while, he stretched and got up gracefully, striding decidedly into the interconnected bathroom. I continued to laze in bed, daydreaming about our time ahead.

He re-emerged, cleansed, and with a jerk of his head, indicated that it was my turn. I sighed slightly before complying. After a refreshing shower, I stepped out of the bathroom, and swept my gaze across the room. Only my discarded clothes were left strewn across the floor. He was gone. Like always.

-

Starved for attention, I grappled at any warmth that came my way, intentionally or otherwise. I would have been aghast at my own lack of caution, but I was desperate. The familiar harsh laughter and sneering smirks are not going to be wiped from my memories for the rest of my life. Or whatever is left of it when I'm done tormenting myself. I think, for once, I can accept any amount of pity or empathy. Even apathy, for now, even that would feel better. I trusted him – he threw everything back, coldly, into my face. He spat on me, and ditched me to pursue death. Fucking bastard. Though I blame myself more, for now - I just had to learn it the hard way.

-

"Honestly, Ethan, darling," a frown hardly marring her pretty features. Gwen glared at me over her cup of cappuccino, fixing her bright green eyes upon me soul-searchingly, "Are you sure that Alex is not just fucking around with you? He seems like a goddamned playboy to me. And you, one of his oh-so willing fuck toys. Don't you give a damn about that?"

I stirred my iced lemon tea listlessly, only partially listening, but her words hit me like a comet, straight to the core of my heart. "I have no idea," a simple statement, yet heavily laced with the insecurity that existed in my relationship with Alex. She continued glaring at me, and spoke, "You deserve better, no matter how bloody cliche that sounds."

"For the last time, Gwen, leave me alone."

-

She loved me. More than anyone ever had, or will. I was too deluded to pay attention to her frequent pleas for me to 'settle down with someone decent' and stop all the meaningless flirtations. However, I thought Alex was for me - I really thought so. He appeared, out of nowhere, dropping by ever so often at the music store that I worked in, blatantly undressing me with his unwavering sharp blue gaze. One night at a bar of drugs and noise was all it took. My defenses stripped, along with my body and sense. I surrendered, I succumbed and I lost.

-

"Alex?" I asked hesitantly, as he dressed swiftly and smoothly. An impatient grunt quickly rid me of any of the courage I had worked so hard to summon. "I was just ... wondering. When will you be free again?"

-

"... I love you, Alex."

"Mm." A noncommittal mumble answered me. But I was satisfied - I thought he just was not apt at expressing himself.

-

The contempt in eyes filled me with hurt and fear. Swinging an arm easily around his newest fuck toy, he sneered in my face maliciously. Those comforting, warm, soft lips that touched me everywhere were now tightly drawn together. I knew what was about to come. I turned, and ran. And ran.

-

There was no rain. It was a gorgeous sunny day. Cool, windy and soothing. There were fluffy white clouds decorating the clear translucently blue expanse above. I sat, silently, on a park bench, watching. Watching the contented couples stroll by. Watching.

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