|Joanne and the Sacred White Lily
Author: colette.mclaughlin PM
This is the first story of the adventures of myself and my 3 alternate personalities. Expect a little weirdness and a lot of fun LMAO!Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,930 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 06-09-07 - Published: 03-15-05 - id: 1859484
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey guys, off to turkey on monday morning so I'll be off sunning myself instead of writing more stuff for your amusment. Be back soon :) x
Chapter 5: Finding Queen Sarah
Joanne followed Nameless out onto the streets of the Realm of Escaped Mental Lunatics with one of her branches covering her face. She was so embarrassed! She was a tree! She followed Nameless quietly, trying not to be conspicuous in such a conspicuous outfit. A young lunatic boy walked by looking at Joanne.
Finally he said, "Hey, nice outfit." and winked at her.
Joanne blushed (Complimented for being a tree! Awesome! I must be a damn hot tree – J) and smiled at the boy. Nameless looked at her from the corner of her eye and smirked.
"Wow! Look at the tree girl mummy! I want to look like that when I'm older!" a young girl cried.
"She damn hot!" a guy commented to his friend.
Joanne lowered her branches. People loved her. They thought she looked hot. She was surprised, pleasantly but surprised nonetheless. She pouted and strutted behind Nameless. She could see the cute guys following her every move. She was supermodel tree and was loving every minute of it. She strutted past Nameless and stood in the middle of the square striking poses. She pouted and pushed out her chest and stuck out her bum. This was the life. Guys wolf-whistled and girls clapped.
"I'm a model." Joanne thought.
Suddenly water came from nowhere and drenched her from head to toe. Nameless stood with the bucket in her hand.
"Okay supermodel, we have people to s..." she began.
Her eyes widened as she saw that the water had made the situation worse. Joanne stood stroking her bark and posing more like a porn star than a supermodel. The guys were loving her and she was loving the attention. The insanity was getting to her.
"What the...?" she asked bewildered.
This was something she did not expect. She turned to Kermit Bobbing Jr, who stood with his petals crossed.
"What do I do now?" she asked.
Kermit shook his head. "The only thing you can do."
He stomped forward and stood in front of Joanne.
"J, can we go n..." he began when a little girl interrupted.
"Look mummy, a flower! Wow I want a flower!"
She ran forward to grab him. He hit her away with his floppy green petals, "No! NO!" he screamed. He turned to Joanne and froggy-leapt up to her face and slapped her with his petals.
Joanne stood stunned and wet. She lifted a branch to her face.
"Good." Kermit stated, "Now lets go. Nameless lead the way."
Nameless stood just as stunned as Joanne did. That was the first time one of her plans went wrong.
"Nameless..." Kermit warned.
She sprun to life, "Okay let's go and hop to it. This way."
Kermit went behind Joanne and pushed her in the direction Nameless was leading them. It would take a while before the life came back to Joanne.
"Heave ho!" Nameless yelled to Kermit as she marched ahead.
"Grrr!" Growled Kermit.
They walked (and pushed) through the maze that was Queen Sarah's realm until they came to... a fishbowl?!? (awesome! Sarah would like that – Colette).
Finally Joanne came to life, "Wait, hold on a second! I thought Queen Sarah lived in a giant jungle-themed house full of Ben and Jerry's chunky monkey ice cream?"
"She did until she decided Ben and Jerry's Phish Food was more her. So we have a fishbowl until she changes her favourite ice cream again." Nameless stated.
"What did you expect? We're in the realm for escaped mental lunatics. You should have known Queen Sarah was insane too. She has like ten husbands, did you know that?"
Joanne shrieked, "You're joking! No way!"
"She goes through phases. When the phase is through she shows them off in her zoo."
"Is that legal?"
"It's Queen Sarah's realm. She can do what she likes."
"But I thought she and King Chester were like forever."
Joanne was even more confused about Queen Sarah. She seriously was as bit of a weirdo. She shrugged and kept walking. Suddenly a huge thing landed on top of Kermit and flattened him completely.
"MY FROGGIE!!!" roared Joanne,.
A body stumbled about inside this huge purple parachute with a jigglypuff on it, trying to find an exit.
"Help? Help anyone? I'm lost and I can't find anyone. Is everyone playing hide-and-seek? I love that game!" the person squealed.
"Queen Sarah!" Nameless exclaimed and rushed to help.
In amongst the rack, there was a little voice, "Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch."
Joanne rushed to her froggie. "Kermit! I'm coming for you Kermit! I'll save you for the horrible, nasty, big lady!"
Nameless ran over and stamped on Joanne's foot, "That big, nasty, horrible lady is the lady you're here to see. That's Queen Sarah!"
Joanne looked shocked and then smiled as she saw the Queen reveal herself from the parachute.
"Sarah!" Joanne cried, "My word, you look so different!"
Sarah giggled and flicked her newly brunette hair, "Yeah I got sick of the blondness."
Joanne laughed, "It totally suits you."
Sarah's face darkened for a second. "I think we're going to need some ice cream. Phish food okay with you guys?"
"Sure!" Joanne and Nameless exclaimed.
The three girls walked off their arms linked, leaving behind a very bruised and squashed Kermit.
"Great. Why does this always happen to me?" he grunted.