Adam's Eve

I remember that during middle and high school I spent my summers playing baseball and earning a bit of money through babysitting. During the summer of my junior year I began to baby-sit for a young couple who had a son named Adam. I was quite shocked to learn that he had Leukemia, and instructed me on his special needs and the precautions to take should there be an emergency.

"Sometimes the side effects can seem very scary, always call the emergency number then us while you do this: if he has a seizure hold him still, especially his head and shoulders. He might throw up, and if he does just make sure he doesn't get scared, throwing up has always scared him. Contact us if you have any trouble at all okay? He’s been stable lately though." Adam's mother explained, her voice trembling. I had noticed that Adam's father had not spoken to me since introducing himself, but I found it appropriate not to make him feel rude.

"Okay, can I ask something?" I was hesitant about asking anything, the slight waver in my voice.

"Of course dear." I paused slightly before responding.

"How long has Adam had cancer?" I asked, pausing before the last word.

"Almost a year now." She told me, her eyes darting away and I noticed she began to knead her hands. “I feel so guilty leaving him but I have no choice, his medical expenses are so high both of us need to work even with our health insurance.” Her voice ambled off slightly, as if she was not speaking to me. It was still difficult to take in all they had told me, and it took all I had not to fall over when they called him into the room. The boy came scampering into the room enthusiastically, his tiny fist clutching something.

"This is Adam," They introduced, showing me their young son. He was rather short and strikingly pale. His eyes appeared extremely dark and sunken in, his bald head accenting the darkness beneath his eyes. His appearance tore away at my heart, it killed me to see someone so young look as if they were suffering a horror no one should ever be forced to endure.

"Hi Zanna!" He chimed happily. I returned his smile and bid goodbye to his parents, and watched as they said goodbye to their son, the same tremble in his mother's voice as she hugged him tightly, His father wished him goodnight also and left. I turned back around to Adam who had already run back into the living room and busied himself with his small green army men. I sat down on the couch and watched him, feeling only deep sympathy for the young boy. "Wanna play?" He asked, holding out one of his soldiers. I felt almost obligated to do so. When I joined in his game I was startled to find that his people did not fight and kill each other. I watched this odd display as he showed the soldiers helping each other, tending to the men who were hurt even on the 'other' side, as he called them. I decided to have my little soldier play the part of a doctor, aiding to the wounded and sick that Adam's soldiers saved.

I played with him for nearly an hour before he asked for some lunch. I made some sandwiches and he wanted to watch a movie.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked. He smiled and ran out of the room, and came back holding Peter Pan. While he watched I could not help but glance down at him every several minutes, and I wondered how he managed to stay so happy with such a heavy burden pulling on his shoulders.

"I love this part!" Adam pointed, at the scene where Peter saves Wendy, the two boys, and the lost boys. Again I was a bit taken back; I had been expecting his favorite part to be the fight between Peter and Captain Hook. The day seemed to fly, and Adam was sad to see me go. It was only a day later I was called back to baby-sit for him again. "Zanna!" he shouted happily once he saw me. "Wanna play again?" He asked, holding another toy soldier out to me. His parents bid him the same heartfelt goodbye; the moment they left Adam repeated his question. I smiled and took the toy soldier he held out to me, and I noticed that it appeared to be the same soldier as the day before. I joined in his game, the same as before, but I felt curiosity as well as sympathy. After a short while I felt my stomach give a growl and I assumed Adam would be hungry as well.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. He shook his head no,

"I wanna play doctor more, doctors are cool!" He explained to me.

"Mommy wants you to eat to keep you big and strong." I told him. He whined but followed me into the kitchen, and helped me make two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Insisting on making his by himself He made quite a mess, but I laughed and cleaned up after he took his lunch to the table to sit down. After I finished I took my sandwich as well and joined him.

"After eat can we play doctor more?" he asked, his words muffled as his mouth was full with the sticky sandwich.

"Of course! Johnny still needs the band aid for his leg, and Sam needs some medicine for his cold." I explained to him, recalling the names and details of the characters he had created. I had only known him for two days, and he had already amazed me. He ate half his sandwich and leapt up from his chair and tugged at my arm.

"Lets play now!" He asked, almost begging. I still felt a sense of obligation to make him as happy as possible, and after clearing the table we went back to playing his game. After a short bit he grew tired of the soldiers and ran to get another movie, Labyrinth. It was a new movie, one of my personal favorites. The day seemed almost a routine, but halfway through the movie I noticed he began to mimick what he saw with his soldiers, singing with one of the first major songs of the movie.

"You remind me of the babe!" Adam shouted enthusiastically as the Goblin King on the screen said it.

"What babe?" I answered, knowing nearly every line of the movie.

"The babe with the power!" Adam answered back, stumbling a bit over the words.

"What power?" I asked, attempting not to laugh as I crossed my eyes. Adam couldn't control himself so well and laughed heartily. Seeing his face light up and glow bright red made me feel a bit contented. After he had calmed down and focused back on the movie, I noticed how tense he was when the friends reached the Goblin city, and the Goblin King sent his followers to attack them.

"Why they hurt them?" Adam whined.

"Goblin King doesn't want to hurt them, he loves Sara but he's afraid if she saves her brother she'll leave and he won't see her." It was a theme in the movie that was rather difficult, and I was unsure of why I had tried to explain it.

"Mommy and Daddy love me, but they don't send bad people to make sure I don't run away." Adam told me.

"Goblin King is confused, don't worry they wont get hurt." This seemed to comfort him, although I had been under the impression that he had seen the movie before. In the last ten minutes of the video Adam fell asleep, and I brought him carefully to his bedroom so he could nap more comfortably. I sat in the living room and watched Labyrinth again, although my mind continued to drift to the young boy. His parents arrived not a half hour later and paid me before sending me home.

Over the next week I babysat Adam everyday except for the weekend, and when I was called the tone in Adam's mother's voice when she asked struck me as apologetic, and almost embarrassed that they had to leave Adam so often. I was barely in the door when Adam waved to me from the kitchen table.

"Hi Zanna!" he smiled. I waved back and said hello when his mother placed a hand on my shoulder, and when I looked at her she slid it off and bid goodbye, going the heartbreaking goodbye as I witnessed everyday. Once she was gone Adam leapt from his place at the table and tugged on my arm, trying to pull me into the living room.

"Finish your breakfast silly." I teased, pushing gently on his nose. He dove into his cereal and I do not think I had ever seen anyone eat so fast before. He made another attempt to drag me to the living room and on the floor I saw there were several little beds, each crafted from different things, most just being a few Legos put together.

"It a hospille!" he smiled proudly.

"You did a really good job!" I smiled. Adam seemed pleased and busied himself playing doctor, giving me the same soldier as before as well as several others.

"Those are his... umm...." Adam paused as he tried to think of the word. "Inturs!" He laughed.

"Do you know what an intern is?" I asked.

"Yeah! The Doctor at my hospille had two!" he stated proudly, after pausing to count on his fingers. We played his game for a while before making lunch and finishing the day once again with a movie.

"Which one do you want to watch today?" I asked.

"Neverending story! I like Falcor the pretty white Dragon!" He then busied himself by spreading his hands and running around the room making swoosh sounds, talking about how little everyone seemed, even the giant rock biter. I put the movie on and he continued to fly around for several seconds before jumping onto the couch next to me. I noticed he was breathing heavily and he appeared slightly paler than normal, but I assumed I was being paranoid, for he seemed rather healthy most of the time. "I like you Zanna, you're nice." He said. This caused me to feel quite guilty, for I had been playing with him mostly out of sympathy and a sense of self-obligation. As he watched the movie I was deep in thought. I realized I had little reason to pity him. Despite his illness I had never seen him cry, despair, or complain about anything. In just a week’s time he had turned my view of him around, and I found I was already growing to adore him.

"Adam? Honey we're home!" A familiar voice shouted. Adam ran to greet his parents who had arrived home early, and ran back to me.

"Stay until we finish the movie." He asked. I couldn't resist the hopeful gleam in his eyes and agreed to stay. I was surprised by how quick he was to trust me, and bond so closely to me in such a short time. It was dark when I finally left for home, and I felt saddened to have to leave him. As the weeks passed Adam's parents realized that their health insurance had gone up drastically, and that Adam's parents would be forced to work longer hours. This meant that I was at their house five days a week until nearly nine o’clock. Most times I brought my homework with me so I would not fall behind in school

The emotional change in me that day several weeks before had continued to grow until my pity almost completely melted away and I grew to love Adam as I would a younger brother. It was early spring, and I was told it was okay to let Adam play outside for a while since the cold of winter was passed.

"Hey look Zanna!" Adam pointed to the distant horizon, where the sun was setting. "Its pretty! It happens everyday but it always pwetty! Don't ignore little things, they mean a lot too!" Adam stated happily, his own way of saying "don’t take things for granted" As the words escaped his mouth I looked and truly watched the sunset for the first time on that spring eve, my eyes entranced at the setting golden sphere of light that lit the sky afire with every shade of reds and purples imaginable. The shadowed clouds danced in trails, and as darkness began to set the first stars of twilight appeared in the deep purple. Tears built up in my eyes as I realized that Adam, at only five years old understood what people had been telling me for years; and for years I always brushed them off. It took the words of this small five-year-old boy to cause me to think upon what those words truly meant. I sank down as I felt tears stream down my cheeks. "Why you sad?" Adam asked, noticing my tears.

"I'm not sad, they're happy tears!" I tried to explain.

"Happy tears?"

"Yes, because you have taught me more than anyone or anything in my entire seventeen years of life!" I know he didn't understand what I meant, but a part of me had to tell him, let him know that he could see what few eyes could see. I hugged him and he returned the gesture, and I noticed he seemed a bit weak. After I took him inside we watched Labyrinth, which had grown to be his favorite movie as well. He fell asleep rather early into the movie, so I tucked him into bed and waited for his parents to return. I wished his sleeping form goodnight, I said goodbye to his parents and went home. The next day I was at home when I received a phone call,

"Hello?"

"Zanna? This is Adam's mother." I recognized her voice, but something about it caused my stomache to drop.

"Oh hi!" I responded with my usual greeting, trying not to let on my worry.

"There's something you need to know." She paused slightly and I was unsure if she wished for me to respond, but she soon resumed her sentence. "Adam is back in the hospital." At this point her voice finally cracked into a sob. "He won't be coming home, he told me to ask if he could see you, he liked to play."

"Of course I'll go, which... which hospital is he at?" I asked, finding my throat was beginning to tighten as I tried to swallow a sob.

"Boston Children's."

"Can you drive me?" I asked.

"Of course." I hung up the phone and stood in disbelief, Adam was in the hospital. He had seemed so well the last time I saw him. I had noticed a slight decrease in energy but this change in health seemed too drastic for me to grasp; I never knew someone could regress so fast. She arrived ten minutes later, and I struggled not to sob during the ride, knowing that it would only make things harder for Adam's mother. Her eyes were read and sunken in. I offered to drive but she assured me she was all right. As soon as we arrived we both all but ran to Adam's room, and I stopped short several feet from his bed, the sight of all the machines and tubes connected to his instilled me with such fear I nearly ran from the room. I had never been in a real hospital room for any reason throughout my life, and there seemed to be nothing to dull the pain I was filled with. The tears spilled over my cheeks as I waited patiently for his mother to let go of him so I could give him a hug. The steady bleeping of the heart monitor was most troubling to me, it was the one sound that always sent the connection of a hospital, and it made the reality of everything all too solid.

"Hi there Adam." I smiled.

"Zanna!" He said happily. "Mommy brought the doctors, wanna play?" He asked, showing me the toy shoulders that he had grown to call doctors.

"Of course!" My voice was trembling almost as severely as my hands, but after several minutes I managed to compose myself for Adam's sake. I would have given anything to take this burden off his shoulders, to see him live a life that I had taken so selfishly for granted, all those moments I should have clung to, the little things I passed over that seemed so insignificant.

After I had to go home I shut the door behind me and slowly made my way to my bedroom I slipped into bed and buried my face into my pillow despite how early it was. My homework lay unfinished in my backpack against my wall. My mind was in such a state of turmoil I wondered if I would ever sleep. Guilt and that old sensation of pity were consuming me. I could not help but think how I would feel in his situation, and I knew I could never handle it as well as he. I could never smile that brightly and honestly, and I cursed aloud that a child so young should be forced to suffer before they could taste what life was. Slamming my fist into my pillow I cursed God’s name, asking why did such innocence have to suffer? Eventually my frustrations and sorrow exhausted me and I mercifully drifted into slumber.

The next morning I refused to go to school, insisting that my parents bring me to see Adam. They understood the bond I had developed with him, and drove me without much argument. When I arrived I walked in to find his parents in the room as well, Adam's mother fast asleep on her husband's lap, and I was comforting to see her tearstained face relaxed, the lines of worry gone. All about the room I noticed there were drawings pinned to the walls, depicting scenes of his favorite movies, however most were portraits of his family, some were his family drawn with his favorite character Falcor. I shook myself from my momentary daze and gazed back at the little boy.

"Hi Adam." I greeted him enthusiastically. He appeared quite tired, his eyes much darker in just one day's time. He was wide-awake and playing with his toys on the tray used for food that was attached to the bed. Looking up to see who had called him I saw his eyes light up.

"Zanna!" His voice still contained the same innocent enthusiasm as always, and despite the weakness of his voice his contagious energy brought a smile to my face and I felt my former pity that had built during the night once again wash away into adoration. "Can you tell me a story?" he asked hopefully. He had never asked something such as this before, but I did not hesitate to answer his request.

"What do you want it to be about?" I asked.

"Bastian and Falcor and Atraeu from the movie! The man said they had many adventures but they were other stories, tell me one of the stories!" Adam asked. I though hard; recalling the second half of the novel that was not presented in the movie.

"Alright, I'll tell you about Perilin the night forest and the colorful Lion" I began, merging the two stories as one. His eyes seemed so alive despite their exhaustion as I told the tale, ending it as happily as I could manage. He wanted me to play with the toy soldiers again, and I did so until he fell asleep and I was ushered out of the room by a nurse.

Two weeks passed and I visited him everyday, although I could not go until I arrived home from school. Everytime I appeared he would hold out one of the green army men with a tiny balled fist and I would play with the toy soldiers and tell him more stories of his favorite characters from movies. His parents joined us everyday, and we would take turns telling Adam different stories. Each visit is burned forever into my memory, with the same detail in which one would remember their surroundings when the news of John Kennedy’s assassination blared on the news. Although every visit tore away at my core as if it was my own brother lying there on that stark hospital bed, my final visit with Adam would prove the most heartbreaking.

We were playing with his little army men, I was keeping an eye on him as his parents went to catch a bite to eat. We had been tending to the wounded when Adam looked out the window.

"Look!" he laughed, pointing out the window to the sunset. Ever since that day several weeks before I had watched the sunset every night, but this was the most beautiful I had ever seen. The setting sun was bright red, the sky shimmering with maroons that faded into deep purples in a smooth dance. The gray and red clouds played along their ever changing ocean, as the stars smiled at us as they appeared through the darkest areas of the sky. I knew no sunset would ever match one such as that.

"It's very pretty." I smiled, although pretty was so far from what I truly felt that it was insulting the brilliant sight.

"I drew this for you." He held out a piece of paper. It had a tall girl holding hands with a little bald boy, with a pretty sunset in the background.

"This is the best picture I've ever seen! You must be a famous artist." I laughed, holding the precious picture tenderly.

"You like it?" he asked hopefully.

"I love it! Thank you Adam!" I smiled and hugged him.

"Zanna, is it true when you die you go to heaven?" These words hit me with such a sudden force I nearly stumbled back. I did not know how to feel, he knew he was going to die but the tone in his voice showed me he was unafraid. Never in all my life had I seen such courage. I would cry if I injured myself or I felt extremely ill, but this child was looking death in the face and he could still force a smile.

"Of course, and special people just like you go to the most beautiful part." I told him, struggling not to let my voice crack. "You'll be happier than you could ever imagine, colors that you don't see on earth, because they are too beautiful, are everywhere, and you can watch the sunset whenever you want. You never feel sad, never feel pain, and you won't ever be sick anymore." I explained as best I could and the inevitable tears began to build in my eyes, and my throat felt swollen with the sobs I forced back. The blood was rushing to my head and I could feel my racing heartbeat and hear it thumping in my ears.

"Mommy and daddy said the same thing." He smiled. "It must be true!" He clapped his hands together happily. He made no mention of his fate, it was as if he only understood it subconsciously. “I’m sleepy.” He yawned suddenly.

“Go to sleep then silly!” I laughed. He nodded and snuggled into his blankets and I kissed his forehead before sitting on the windowsill and wept uncontrollably. His parents walked into the room and saw me crying, I tried to control myself for their sake but it seemed my attempts were in vain. Adam was fast asleep and the three of us were weeping together. Everything was hitting me hard at once, and I did not even wish to imagine the pain Adam's parents must have endured. When the nurse came to usher me out I kissed Adam's forehead one final time. The entire ride home I could not take my eyes off the drawing Adam had done for me, and once we got home I placed it atop my dresser so it would remain unharmed. Sliding into bed I remained on my back staring at my blank ceiling for the longest time. A long while passed before I finally slipped into dream.

The next morning when I left to go see Adam I ran into his parents outside the room in hysterical tears. I did not need to ask to know what happened. A fog came over my mind and I felt too dizzy to stand. My knees gave out and I sank to the ground, my heart pounding loudly in my ears and everything seemed to go blurry. I had never felt a loss before, it only make things ever harder. Too many things were swarming my mind, beating at my conscious chaotically. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and with my face buried into my arms I finally wept. The momentary pause in time continues, my battered mind losing control. I was barely aware of the nurse lifting me off my feet and pulling me into a family waiting room were I continued to weep uncontrollably. Why the question ate away at my mind like a parasite. He was too young the thought was torturous. Adam’s parents fluttered into my mind, and I did not want to imagine the pain they must be enduring. To lose a child, the worst loss one can face, it was too much too think about on top of it all. A long while passed before his parents joined me, and after a longer while Adam’s father spoke to me, trying to subside his sobs just long enough to speak,

"Zanna we want to ask you a big favor, it would mean a lot to us... and Adam." He began, one of the rare moments he spoke to me directly. "I want you to speak at Adam's funeral, he told us you were is best friend even though he only knew you for a little while. Could you do that?" I accepted graciously and Adam's father hugged me for the first time. Adam’s mother also embraced me, but she was weeping far too much to attempt at saying anything.

I'll never forget the funeral, my eyes glazed with tears. The ceremony was too emotional for me, the weeping all around me and I felt out of place, I was the only non-family member. I tried not to think too hard on anything, trying to think about all the times Adam made me smile. Finally my time came to speak, and I nearly fainted when I stood. It took all my strength to keep my voice steady as I looked at the piece of paper with the carefully written words on it, looking out at all the people from my place at the podium. Glancing at my little index cards with notes scribbled on them with what I had wanted to say I looked up at all the mourning faces and took my speech and tore it up, taking a short glance at Adam's drawing that I had brought with me, before drawing a breath.

"Adam shouldn't be described by words on a piece of paper, words limit what we truly mean.” I began, and I paused to collect myself before continuing. “To say Adam was strong, beautiful, and the happiest person I ever knew would be an insult to who he truly was, for none of those words come close to what he really was. He can't be described, just felt and remembered in our hearts. He was the wisest of any of us here, or anyone that we know. We're not here to just mourn a loss, but to remember with our hearts, not with words." My talk was short, but I had expressed myself in the only way I knew how. I returned to my seat and started to weep once more when I felt a hand upon my shoulder.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Adam's mother said through her tears, hugging me close to her, as her sobs grew uncontrollable. I returned her embrace and she let go of me, and clung to her husband. The rest of the funeral was almost too much for me to bear. I heard almost nothing the priest said, and I moved like a drone with the others. When we came to the cemetery I simply could not maintain myself. I tried to hold back my sobs in respect and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. As we all said our final goodbyes I awaited my turn and chose my words carefully.

“This isn’t the end. It’s only the beginning, the beginning of all your other stories.” I smiled at the cheesiness of what I said, remembering how he had loved the way the ‘Neverending Story’ had ended.

It was several days before I could bring myself to go to school, and it was next to impossible to tell my friends where I had been without crying. At home I had asked my mom to have Adam's drawing framed so I could hang it in my room and never damage it.

After high school I went off to college for nursing, specializing in children. Now, nearly twenty years later, I work at the cancer ward of Boston Children's hospital where I tend to children just like Adam. Each time I pass by his room my heart throbs no longer with sorrow, but with joyful remembrance of how he had changed my life. Few others I work with see what I see, that all these children are far wiser and braver than any of us could ever hope to be. And each time I pass by that room I remember that fateful day on April 25th, 1986 where an angel learned to fly into his sunset.