Yes, another English assignment. I got lazy so I used a paragraph from “A Serious and Solemn Moment” to describe the ocean. Everybody shoot me.

Enjoy (whoever wastes their time on this).

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Every night, enveloped in blackness, tucked in the comfort of three blankets, I pray for two things. One: that a long haired mage accompanied by a dragon will appear and tell me that they need my help in order to save some fanciful world. Two: that some way, somehow, I could get Adrien back. Number two, of course, never invaded my mind till recently, but it seemed just as prominent as the first as I begged helplessly in my bed.

Morning came, as it did today. I meditated for five to ten minutes in the midst of blanket folds for in order to function at 4:45 in the morning, such ordeals must be completed. After a bit of writing, homework, and whatnot, I washed up, dressed, ate, waited on the front stoop in temperatures far too low to be considered comfortable until a certain yellow vehicle came growling down the road. Headphones glued to ears for the next half an hour, an anal retentive habit influences a motionless state beside glass windows. Under the trance of music from a Dell Jukebox, I found myself in front of my turquoise locker on the third floor. Slipping off my backpack and my coat, I jammed everything but a Latin textbook and notebook into my locker.

And so, the day had begun as it always did.

My bus always arrived at the school exceptionally early, but I never had to wait long for Adrien to get here. When he did arrive at his locker, two down from mine, I’d stall, or he’d stall at our lockers for no apparent reason just so we could start the school day off with some routine teasing. We were both pretty good at it; we’d been waiting around for each other without looking ridiculous since the eighth grade. Whether I’d grab something from his locker or the hat from his head all depended on the jokes that flew from our mouths.

As I was about to close the door of my locker, Adrien came up to his. Fingers groping at the black lock, he turned and twisted it till it opened on his command. He straightened the locker door, a new practice that had developed, so that he was almost fully obscured by it. Separated by a greenish blue wall, there was no possible way to converse. He was quick at his locker, grabbing what he needed and putting in what he didn’t. Slamming his locker, he hurried away.

And to think that he used to talk to me before.

He used to talk to everyone, actually. Just before first class, our whole group of friends talks around our row of lockers. I walked over to my best friend, Miranda, as she put her stuff away close by. Nathan and Harrison came over as well with notebooks under their arms.

“Hey Miranda,” Harrison waved, “Avari,” he nodded.

“Hi,” I said with a small smile and nothing more. The two of them were more interested in Miranda than me so my silence didn’t come across as odd. Not that I really cared about my status compared to Miranda for the mere presence of people irritates me often. Besides, I was too busy glancing down the hallway for a black haired boy who should have been by my side.

Thoughts that should have been forbidden stay with me every moment of my consciousness. I make a distinct effort to think of the male race as little as possible. He was there, though. Corrupting my mind with mane of charcoal and two circular skies of blue, I sat in the back of the room during my first class, surrounded by Miranda, Nathan, Klaus, and Will. There was a pencil in my hand and it took much of my willpower to stop it from scribbling a dreaded, but cherished name onto my Latin notes. The sense in my head took control, however, and directed my attention towards Mr. Roland in the front of the room.

I was pretty good at distracting myself…to an extent. My skills weren’t any good at school. But in Latin, because he wasn’t in my class, I could focus on Chapter 42 and the subjunctive case. Between the constant fighting between Klaus and Will and other battles in the front of the classroom, this wasn’t particularly easy either. Their laughing and slapping slashed at my patience, tore at a temper that was just waiting to wreak havoc. There was a wild and cruel beast being instigated in me that was becoming more and more familiar with the outside world lately. As they howled in front of me, I kicked Klaus’s chair. Although the viciousness poured out from my eyes, I managed a few cold words instead of my manipulation of uncomfortable truths. “Shut up,” I growled, baring my teeth.

“Don’t be mean, Avari,” Klaus scoffed as he turned around in his seat.

“I’m trying to pay attention,” I snapped. Ew. I sounded like a nerd. Well, I hardly cared at the time, for I just wanted the distraction. Mr. Roland’s distraction.

“You’re boring,” he pouted. Truly, I didn’t care.

It’s amazing how time passes to meet the moments that are significantly remembered at the end of the day. Before I knew it, I was at my locker again, and Adrien was walking towards his. Old habits never die, and his name slipped out of my mouth before it was ever ordered to. Even a “hey” snuck past my unexercised lips. After a few seconds, my locker door slammed just before his. Rushing through the hall, my heavy heart adds to the gravity of the stairs’ drop. I felt ten times worse than I did the class before,

I never did get a reply.

We shared this class together so I spent an unhealthy deal of time watching him from the other side of the room. Sable strands of hair fell against the side of his face, trailing the outline of cerulean eyes. He slouched in his desk, as most teenagers our age do in a classroom setting, but still managed to look taller than most. His black sweatshirt could not hide his slim, but lean build. Talking and smiling with everyone around him, a flood of jealousy swept me off steady supports that kept me barely standing. I watched him whose banter I preferred above everyone else’s; him who I yearned for day after day, night after night; him who I perhaps could have loved, if I ever possessed such capability to feel after so many wounds…

Him who I had lost for a reason so unknown to me.

“You’re a fool.” I cast my glance aside. “For all the sense you claim when it comes to relationships, you sure turned out to be just as bad as the lovesick morons.” The voice in my head was dead on, as it always was. I’d done a good job of following my head through less than comfortable situations but this time, I had really screwed it up for myself. “You stupid, stupid girl. People like you aren’t meant for other people. At all. Suffer with a smile. Grin and bear it. Don’t you dare become a lovesick fool.”

Grin and bear it. It was such a simple motto to live by now that I was used to it. Watch him stoically. Suffer inside. Joke with those around so not a trace of misery could be found. The last thing I wanted was their pity.

I drew a dragon in Computers. This was such a class where our teacher allowed us to do almost anything we pleased and hardly gave any set assignments. Writing, reading, and drawing were my three greatest outlets. Because I didn’t feel like thinking very hard in the middle of a school day, I sketched the outline of a magnificent creature that existed in stories, my favorite beast. I didn’t want to think about freakin’ Adrien or see his face as I closed my eyes. I just wanted the damn dragon that was supposed to pick me up already.

Circles and slender ovals soon transformed into anatomical structures with the light movement of my pencil. A graceful body was transfigured from a series of ovals. Limbs were poised and fitted with a set of razor-like claws. An elegant neck led up to his breathtaking head, complete with a snout, two narrow eyes, and two horns growing from the top of his head. His mouth was slightly open, revealing only a few of his jagged teeth. His wings sprouted out from his back but at the moment, it was only an outline. I began my detail work on it to match his grandiose appearance with splendid wings.

“Whatcha doing?” Of course I had to be interrupted. When am I ever not interrupted when I’m trying to distract myself?

Nathan was leaning over my shoulder. I hate people leaning over my shoulder but I didn’t bother to cover my work. “What does it look like? I’m drawing a dragon.” I paused for a moment and with a small smile bordering on insanity, I added, “one day they’ll take me away.”

“Dragons aren’t real, Avari.” Him and his literal responses.

“They’re going to come anyway,” I shrugged.

“You’re crazy,” he shook his head and walked away. Good. I was alone again.

School would be like this for many, many months. Failed distractions and obsessive thoughts would contain this head for a long time. However, after the school day was done and I was tortured long enough, I sought a place of sanctuary to patch up re-opened scars. As soon as the droning tone of freedom released us from our bondages of the last period, I hurried through the hallways, down the stairs, and out the double doors. Lungs, satisfied with fresh air prohibited from them for hours, stimulated legs to walk down the school driveway. My feet were light against black asphalt in the early spring atmosphere and though I had the energy to run, I did not. Unfortunately, there were three textbooks in my backpack and heaviness in my heart to compare.

I was heading over towards the docks by the sea. I took advantage of the small town’s spectacular harbor and its many bluffs. The place was a truly a heaven for me where I could maintain the most amount of sanity possible. The minutes walking down sidewalks and across busy roads were blurred into an eye-blink when I suddenly caught sight of the sea. I gazed across the great waters of dark blue. The glitter of sunlight upon its water was like stars in the night sky. It was around noon and the sun, currently flaring its searing rays from the highest point of the sky, admired her reflection in the indigo ocean. Silvery threads laced the edge of each wave until it exploded onto the wooden docks I stood upon, a pale cloud of foam crawling up the rocks and sand the water had embraced. The serene sea inhaled and exhaled at a steady rhythm, its breathing loud but soothing to the ear. In the distance were bluffs, still bare from winter’s beatings but gorgeous, nevertheless, in its time before life. Boats, some white electric creatures and others with tall masts were parked in myriads of rows.

It was almost enough to forget everything.

I climbed up onto the wooden railing to keep the less coordinated of people from falling off. For others, the wooden railing stood as a challenge: a challenge to climb up on it and walk upon without falling painfully onto splintering wood or into the cold waters. Of course, I climbed up and balanced myself successfully on the railing, continuing to stride its length.

It was the closest to flying I could possibly get. And for a few seconds, I was at peace.

“You don’t need him,” my mind blurted suddenly. (I was most definitely schizoid.) “You don’t need him or any other damn guy on the entire earth. They’re stupid, unsatisfying, and you certainly don’t need him to be happy. It’s all about self-satisfaction: the only way you, Avari Lee, could possibly be happy is if you are the one supplying it. It’s not hard! You’re brilliant! You’ve got all you’ll ever need and a future people would kill to have. You could do anything you wanted if you went for it and be successful. You don’t need people to make you happy and you certainly don’t need him.”

I was crazy, but brilliant. Brilliant, but stupid enough to disregard what my head was telling me now, and had been telling me for a long time. I fell for Adrien and knew that it was hopeless. Knew that it would never happen. I didn’t think that something like this could happen, though. That I would lose him because of some crazy reason that was probably inexistent.

At least it could have been my fault. Then, this pain would be justifiable.

My balance was disturbed by some invisible force, possibly the wind, possibly these emotions, but whatever it was, it sent me colliding with the docks to the right. There was a sharp pain in my arm for my reflexes failed to stunt my fall with the palms of my hand. I closed my eyes and admitted defeat. Yes, Adrien was lost. And it was time to move on before I killed myself.

“Soon I’ll be leaving you, but you won’t be leaving me.” A line of a “Something Corporate” song popped into the darkness of my mind. Whimpering pitifully on the ground, I dared to open my eyes to the world around me.

Dragon. There was a dragon. The dragon. The dragon I drew just earlier today. The majestic creature I had dreamed of for many days. The same beautiful beast except painted with shades silver and blue that outshined any mortal color. Wings outstretched against the horizon and a body with thousands of tiny gems. Dark eyes stood out above all and a mystifying voice too pure for the vacuum of air, beckoning, calling me to come. True, I was awestruck, but I never felt calmer in my life as I approached the dragon. With a steady hand, I caressed the side of his great face.

“Dragons aren’t real.” I smiled to myself. “Well that’s what you think.”

I climbed upon this back, more slowly than I ever thought I would. I was still reluctant: reluctant about flying away after I dreamed of it so many times. The desire for Adrien had exceeded my one utmost fantasy to fly away with a dragon.

“The world needs a hero, not another lover,” the same gentle voice of the dragon crept into my ears.

I threw my arms around his neck and whispered, “take me away.” And feet that were never meant for the ground met its true home in the clouds.

Is it true that once you lose one thing, you’ll find something else? I never believed it, but I believed what I saw above me as I rode the waves of the sky. Maybe this was it. Maybe I had finally possessed an insanity that could be medically named. But I dared not close my eyes in fear that the dragon would disappear as quickly as it came to me.

But the dragon stayed and high we stayed as well. I looked at the ground one last time. I was leaving. Leaving the ground that was Adrien. But now, I was convinced that I would trade the sky for the earth any day.

So I turned back around and looked up.